


Alice In Chains On Tour '93

by tamibrandt



Series: Alice In Chains on Tour '93 [1]
Category: Alice in Chains
Genre: Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-10-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:34:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 48,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26450470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tamibrandt/pseuds/tamibrandt
Summary: A scene that came to me after watching AIC live at the Hollywood Rock 01/22/1993.  This takes place the night after Mike Starr was kicked out of the band, the band were spending their last night in Brazil before moving on to do shows in Europe.  After the chaotic night of Layne having to revive Mike from passing out on him, Layne tries to have a discussion about it with Jerry, but things get in the way.
Relationships: Jerry Cantrell/Courtney Clarke (mentioned), Layne Staley/Demri Parrott (mentioned), Layne Staley/Jerry Cantrell, Sean Kinney/Melinda Starr (mentioned)
Series: Alice In Chains on Tour '93 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1989022
Comments: 52
Kudos: 34





	1. Chapter 1

**_Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, January 23, 1993_**

“Are you sure we’re doing the right thing?” Layne asked for what seemed like the hundredth time to just as many people. He’d asked Randy Biro the same question earlier tonight before they went on stage. Randy looked solemn but agreed that it was right. Now Layne reclined against the headboard of the hotel bed on what would be their last night in Brazil before moving on to do a show in London, England, next week.

“It was the right thing,” Jerry confirmed. He sat straddled over Layne’s hips. Jerry was in the process of kissing and licking his way along Layne’s neck when Layne spoke up.

“It’s just we’ve been through so much. When I found the guys for your band, Mike was the one guy we both agreed on. We bummed our way around Seattle and starved with Mike. We all lived together, Jer,” Layne said. He didn’t stop Jerry from sucking a hickey on his neck as his fingertips caressed along Jerry’s sides, skimming over the ticklish areas, the muscles quivering under his light touch.

Jerry pulled away and looked at Layne. Layne wasn’t on anything tonight. The singer’s eyes were the clearest blue Jerry had seen them – almost denim-blue in the soft light of the hotel room – since he first saw Layne on stage at the Tacoma Little Theater all those years ago. Jerry was smitten at first sight: Layne was gorgeous on stage. When Alice in Chains played the Moore Theater in December 1990 Layne had the braids in his hair. He looked like a gangly lion. Layne had a charismatic presence on stage. Jerry absolutely adored Layne’s soft speaking voice, but when Layne belted out the lyrics Jerry wrote, the guitarist had an almost orgasmic shiver run down his spine to his dick. Jerry was surprised he didn’t cum in his pants in front of the audience every night.

“Jerry, did you hear what I said,” Layne asked as his hand caressed along Jerry’s side and hip.

“It had to be done, Layne,” Jerry sighed. “It wasn’t so much about the drugs. Well, maybe it was a little. But hell, I did a line of coke with one of the guys from the Red Hot Chili Peppers.”

Layne’s brow furrowed. While he was dealing with Mike passing out on him the other night after Mike had done drugs with Kurt and Courtney and _not_ told Layne what he’d done _before_ he came to Layne’s room, Jerry was with the Chili Pepper guys getting high.

“Babe, he was scalping tickets and backstage passes,” Jerry explained.

“Jerry, I’ve given out tickets to the kids who couldn’t afford to get into the shows,” Layne pointed out.

“Yeah, but you weren’t scalping them and taking money from the band. That was one of the rules we always had: Share things equally and don’t steal from the band,” Jerry reached into Layne’s boxers, wrapped a guitar-calloused hand around Layne’s dick, and started stroking. “I swear I could have kicked Mike off the bus and left him on the side of the road for that alone.”

“So, what,” Layne moaned as Jerry stroked him, “there’s only room for one full-blown drug addict in this band?”

“You can still get hard, Layne. So I wouldn’t call you a full-blown addict,” Jerry whispered as he squeezed the hard flesh in his hand while stroking it. “Besides, you’re not on anything tonight.”

“That’s because tomorrow we have to be on a plane and you can’t take drugs on a plane,” Layne pointed out. “I honestly don’t know how I’m going to get through tomorrow.”

“I’ll figure out a way for you to get through tomorrow. I need you right now though. Ever since I first saw you, I wanted you with me. I needed you in my band. You’re the one who brought my lyrics to life. I can’t do this without you. You and I are a team. Your vocals, our harmonies . . . fuck, Layne. My band, _our band_ can’t exist without you.”

“Jerry, if you keep stroking me like that, I’ll cum before I even get inside you,” Layne breathed.

Jerry whispered, “But, what about Demri?”

“What about her?” Layne’s brow furrowed. “She seems to think we have an open relationship when I’m on tour. So, what she don’t know won’t hurt her.”

Layne grabbed Jerry by the hips and rolled the guitarist on to his back. He pulled off his boxers and tossed them . . .somewhere. Jerry did the same with his underwear, tossing them on the floor. Layne grabbed the lube off the bedside table. He sat on his ankles between the guitarist’s legs.

“Yeah, but the guys have been telling her that you’re with a lot of female groupies, Casanova,” Jerry chuckled as he watched Layne coat his dick in lube and used the excess to penetrate Jerry’s ass.

Layne watched as Jerry stroked himself. When Jerry started to squirm, searching for more, Layne pulled his fingers out and lined up his dick.

“Just be glad she doesn’t know about us,” Layne groaned as he slowly slid inside Jerry. He didn’t stop until he couldn’t get any deeper.

“Jesus, fuck, Layne,” Jerry grunted as he felt Layne slide deeper.

“I just go by ‘Layne’, babe. You can drop the ‘Jesus’ part. I haven’t gone by that name in roughly a thousand years,” Layne said in mock seriousness.

“Funny, Layne, very funny,” Jerry rocked his hips feeling the slide of Layne’s shaft until the head of his dick hit his prostate and he nearly jerked off the bed.

“So, if Mike’s gone, who are we going to get to play bass?” Layne asked distractedly.

Jerry looked up at Layne through the sex haze that appeared after that hit to his prostate. _Was he seriously asking about this now?_

“I already took care of it. Sean is calling Mike Inez. See if Ozzy will let us borrow him until the end of the tour and then we’ll see after that,” Jerry said. He slammed his knees against Layne’s hips. “Would you shut up and fuck me?”

“How do you leave Ozzy to play with another band?” Layne asked but was cut off by Jerry grabbing the back of his hair and pulling him down.

“The same way I’m going to leave you for Sean if you don’t concentrate on here and now,” Jerry gritted out as he felt the head of Layne’s dick brush over his prostate. It was driving him mad.

Layne pressed his forehead to Jerry’s. “You would never leave me, and especially _not_ for Sean. You love me too much, from the moment you saw me on stage.” 

The words, a mimic of what Jerry had admitted earlier, were spoken in that low, growly tone Layne sometimes used to get the guttural sounds during _Man in the Box_. Layne kissed him, teasing his lips apart.

Jerry sucked on Layne’s tongue before breaking the kiss. “I like this haircut of yours. The messy ringlets make you almost cherubic although a little pink. How long do you plan on keeping it like this?”

Layne shook his head at the absurdity of the comment on his blonde hair with pink highlights. He leaned down, crashing his lips against Jerry’s as he rocked his hips faster, plunging in and out Jerry, causing the guitarist to grunt.

Jerry broke away from the kiss only to feel Layne trail kisses along his throat. “Fuck, Layne, you’ve been an animal since you started being on top.”

In the beginning, they had fallen into a pattern of Jerry fucking Layne after shows, but ever since the Clash of the Titans tour where the Slayer fans were pissing them off, Layne would grab Jerry after the show, drag him somewhere secluded and fuck the hell out of him against a wall. It was always down and dirty like Layne couldn’t fuck the aggression out hard enough. Now Layne was hammering him into the mattress.

Layne grabbed Jerry and rolled them over so that Jerry was sitting on top of him. “Fine. You do all the work. I’ll just lay here and watch.”

Jerry smacked Layne on the chest. “Dick.”

Jerry placed both hands on Layne’s chest, his fingers sifting through the light dusting of hair. Palms against Layne’s chest, Jerry moved up and down slowly. He felt every inch of Layne’s dick slowly slide in and out, hitting that spot deep inside him.

Layne allowed this to go on until the slow drag was too much. He grabbed Jerry’s hips and started pounding up into him watching Jerry rapidly bounce on him.

“Who’s the queen of the rodeo now?” Layne teased.

"Layne shut the hell up. I hate Jet Silver right now for helping you write that song,” Jerry gritted out as he rode Layne’s dick.

Layne ran both hands up Jerry’s chest and grabbed the back of his neck. Pulling Jerry down, their foreheads met as Layne pounded up into him. Jerry rocked back and forth on Layne’s dick. Layne watched his guitarist nearly fall apart over him with each thrust.

Layne sat up, their lips locking before he bowled Jerry over on his back at the bottom of the bed. Layne started to steadily rock his hips, the bones almost bruising Jerry’s flesh as Layne moved faster.

Jerry broke the kiss long enough to breathe, “Fuck, Layne.” He had to grab the footboard before Layne knocked him into the wood with the force he was using. He watched through a haze of lust as Layne sat up for better leverage and continued to pound into him. Jerry knew he was going to be sore tomorrow from this and right now, he really didn’t care.

Layne closed his eyes. His body was on autopilot. He was in that zone where all noise, including Jerry’s grunts and moans, were blotted out. All he could smell was the sex in the air and underneath that, Jerry’s unique scent. It was completely different from Demri. Why did Jerry have to bring up Demri? Talk about the most complicated relationship he’s ever been in. She had him all twisted in knots and the more drugs she brought around, the tighter they got. Compared to her, Jerry was simple. Layne didn’t have to work so hard with Jerry. Jerry accepted his flaws. Sure there were arguments over the drug use, but Jerry didn’t judge him for it. Besides, how could he when Jerry himself was an alcoholic and who knows what drugs Jerry had tried when Layne wasn’t around. Jerry just let him exist.

The heat that had slowly built in the base of Layne’s spine was intense. It was nearing the breaking point. Layne’s tunnel-hearing picked up the mattress springs squeaking as the bed frame shook and the headboard banged against the wall. Layne fell forward, nearly hugging the breath out of Jerry as he got closer. Finally, the dam burst causing Layne to jerk and shudder against Jerry and he felt Jerry stiffen up.

When the haze lifted enough for a small coherent thought, Layne figured out why Jerry went rigid: Layne had bitten him. There were teeth marks between Jerry’s neck and shoulder, but no blood.

“Sorry,” Layne said in that soft-spoken tone of his. He carefully extracted himself from Jerry and collapsed beside the guitarist.

“It’s fine,” Jerry stared at the ceiling, ignoring the pain from the bite. He lazily trailed his fingertips through his own cum on his stomach. Honestly, he didn’t know if he came from the sex or the bite or the combination thereof. “Talk about aggressive. You know, if we had played the Clash of Titans tour the way you performed just now, we could have swept the floor with Dave Mustaine for all the shit he gave us through the whole tour. Do you want to tell me what that was all about?”

“I’m going to need you more than ever for this tour and not just for the plane ride tomorrow,” Layne replied. He rolled off the bed and went to the bathroom.

Jerry silently stared at the ceiling contemplating Layne’s words. He heard the faucet turn on and off in the bathroom. He heard Layne cleaning himself up and then the water running again. It shut off and Layne appeared next to him. The singer was on his knees on the bed beside him. Jerry closed his eyes and allowed Layne to clean him up with the warm wet washcloth.

“What do you need, Layne?”

“I need you to watch out for me. If what happened with Mike a few nights ago is any indication . . . that scared the hell out of me. If I ever go too far, I need you to rein me in.”

“What about Sean?” Jerry asked out of curiosity. It didn’t occur to him that he’d spoken aloud until Layne answered him.

“You’re the only one I trust like this. You’re the one that knows what I’m really like and if you ever see me change or . . . you . . .” Layne didn’t know how to explain the uneasy feeling he had. It made him queasy just thinking he could get so burnt out on this tour – possibly die if he wasn’t careful. He didn’t want to die in a foreign country. For all he knew, he’d die in a country with quarantine laws where Jerry would have to cremate him and smuggle him out of the country in a zip-loc bag in his suitcase.

“Okay, Layne. I get it. I’ll take care of it. I’ll look after you. I always do.”

Layne tossed the damp washcloth on the pile of clothes on the floor and lay beside Jerry. “You know I look after you too, right? I always got your back, Jer.”

“I know, Layne. More than you realize.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the show at Biskuithalle in Bonn, Germany, Layne and Jerry are trying to wind down when Layne's beeper keeps going off and he gets called back home for an intervention.

**_Bonn, Germany, February 1, 1993_ **

Mike Inez had joined the band when they hit the ground in London. They took three days off for Mike to learn the baselines of roughly fifteen songs, with more to master later on as the tour progressed. Mike seemed to pick up the songs easily enough. That meant one less worry on Jerry’s mind. They played one show in London at The Underworld as a test run and then hopped over to Bonn, Germany.

They kicked off the show at Biskuithalle with _Dam That River_ , followed by _We Die Young_ , _Them Bones_ , _Would?_ , _Love Hate Love_ , _Junkhead_ , _God Smack_ , _Bleed the Freak_ , _Put You Down_ , _Sickman_ , _It Ain't Like That_ , _Hate to Feel_ , _Angry Chair_ and an encore of _Rain When I Die_.

About eight minutes into the set, somewhere between _Them Bones_ and _Would?_ Layne started stripping his jacket off. Sixteen minutes and fifty seconds into the set, near the end of _Love Hate Love_ , Layne pulled his shirt off. Jerry kept sneaking glances at Layne's lean body. The belt buckle was prominent on his jeans. When he could get away with it, Jerry would adjust his guitar strap until the body of the guitar effectively hid the bulge in his own jeans. It also didn't help matters when Layne would growl and groan into the microphone on his way to a full scream during _Sickman_.

Things have been good between Jerry and Layne in the bedroom. In a way, it seemed that Layne had become lighter like he left all his worries across the big pond. They teased each other continuously. They teamed up and pulled pranks on Sean and Mike. Layne's demeanor reminded Jerry of how they were when they lived at the Music Bank together.

After Layne said goodnight to the crowd, the band left the venue. The techs tore down the gear overnight and moved it an hour and thirty minutes away to Frankfurt for the next gig while the guys went back to their hotel. Moving from hotel to motel to hotel was the most grueling part of these tours. Especially, when the bilingual concierge in the hotel only spoke in the worst broken English you could possibly understand.

Jerry grabbed the keycard to the room. Layne seemed dead on his feet as he followed Jerry. The tall blonde slipped the card in the slot and let them in the room. Once the door was shut, Layne seemed to come alive long enough to strip down to his boxers. He lay on his stomach on the bed.

Jerry tossed the keycard on the nightstand and stripped down as well. His eyes raked over Layne's back. The tattoo of the man with his eyes sewn shut drew his immediate attention. He remembered when Layne got that tattoo. The rest of Layne wasn't too bad to look at either with the trim build and narrow hips. Jerry got on the bed and straddled Layne's hips.

"Oh Gawd," Layne groaned into the pillow when he felt Jerry massage his shoulders and work his way down his back. "You shouldn't get so tense out there. I thought the whole idea of doing a live show was to loosen up. You worked yourself into a ball of stress when you just vibrate in one place," Jerry admonished lightly.

Layne grumbled something but then turned his head to the side on the pillow. "If I move on stage, people bitch that I'm hyperactive. If I don't, they think I'm too strung out to move."

"Back in the old club days, you were all over the floor of the stage, learning to balance on the stage monitors," Jerry pointed out.

"I spent most of the time, dodging stage divers," Layne explained.

"And encouraging a few of them," Jerry added as he continued to work the kinks out of Layne's back.

"If they were dumb enough to dodge stage security and climb on stage, who am I to stop them?" Layne inquired. Suddenly, his beeper went off. "I'm surprised that works across the ocean. Ignore it."

Jerry picked it up and read the message, "Layne, it's your mother call me."

"I'll call her later," Layne groused as Jerry dropped the beeper on the bed and continued the massage down Layne's back.

Jerry leaned down over Layne's back, his lips near Layne's ear. "You looked so hot tonight, babe."

Layne murmured in agreement. "I'm surprised you can concentrate on your guitar at all on stage if you kept watching me."

"I can play those songs in my sleep, you know, since I created the riffs and all," Jerry chuckled.

"Yeah, yeah, we all know you're the 'Riff Lord'," Layne commented as he shifted, rubbing his dick against the mattress.

"Uncomfortable? Did I hit a sore spot?" Jerry asked worriedly.

"'m getting hard," Layne announced lazily.

"Well, if you keep bucking underneath me like that, you're going to end up with cloth-burn on your dick from your boxers," Jerry said half-teasing. "Turn over babe."

Jerry rose up enough for Layne to turn over underneath him. He pulled the boxers down off Layne's legs and threw them on the floor. Jerry wrapped his fingers around Layne's dick and stroked the length watching Layne's eyes close as he rocked his hips up into Jerry's touch. Jerry's tongue darted out to flick over the crown of his dick.

Soon, Layne had both hands tangled in Jerry's hair, equally moaning and cursing as his guitarist sucked and licked along the length. Between the sensations of Jerry's tongue finding all the erogenous zones on his dick and under the crown and guitar-calloused fingers massaging and lightly tugging on his balls, Layne was halfway to oblivion. He watched through a haze of lust as Jerry worked him over and then his blue eyes rolled back in his head when he felt the back of Jerry's throat against the head of his dick.

"Goddamn, Jerry, where the fuck did you learn that?" Layne asked.

Jerry slowly sucked up off Layne’s dick and Layne almost regretted asking the question. “I knew a girl once…” Jerry teased and went back to the task of trying to give Layne the most mind-blowing orgasm so that the singer could finally relax.

"Smartass," Layne groaned as he got close to seeing fireworks when his damn beeper went off again. "Fucking hell, don't anyone sleep anymore?"

Jerry sucked up off his dick again to answer, "I think there's a seven-hour difference between here and Seattle."

"Damn it, why'd you have to stop sucking to answer me? I was _so_ close. You just want to torture me with being on the brink of orgasm for the rest of my life, don't you?" Layne objected.

"If only," Jerry said sounding almost wishful of that thought.

Layne grabbed his beeper as it went off again. He scanned the message. "Now, I'm getting paged by Demri's mother. Jesus Christ, can't I just have something go right for me, just once?"

Jerry got up and brought the phone closer to Layne. When he lay on the bed again, he lay opposite Layne.

"Great, so I'm going to be on the phone and have to smell your Satan hooves at the same time?" Layne griped.

"Well, I could move lower and play footsie with your dick while you're on the phone," Jerry laughed.

Layne gave him the evil eye. "You would, too! Fine! Just do enough to keep the orgasm simmering until I hang up." Layne followed the instructions for dialing out of the country that was on a paper that lay on the nightstand. He listened to the static-y ring until Kathleen Austin picked up the line.

_"Hello?"_

"Why am I getting paged by both you and my mom?" Layne asked agitated.

_"Oh, hi Layne," Kathleen said. "We've come up with a plan for Demri."_

"A plan – for what?" Layne did not like the sound of this. Plans meant interventions and interventions never worked in his experience. He hated them.

_"The family and her friends are going to confront her and we'd like you to be there," Kathleen replied._

"Even on a good day, Demri and I have issues and last I checked, I wasn't on your list of favorite people either," Layne said, holding the phone with one hand, the other hand buried in Jerry's hair as the guitarist had resumed slowly teasing him to the point Layne bit his lip to stop the moan that would alert Kathleen to the knowledge that an intervention was the last thing on his mind right now.

_"Yes, that's true, but she'll feel less threatened with you there. Please, Layne."_

"Fine. I have a gig to do in Frankfurt tomorrow and then I'll be on a plane. You all better have a damn good plan because my tour schedule does _not_ leave room for a week-long intervention."

_"Oh, thank you!" Kathleen sounded relieved. "Just call me with your flight info."_

Layne said his goodbyes and hung up, his head falling back against the headboard. "Fuck, that woman knows how to fuck with my life. First, she was fine with me dating Demri, then she didn't want me near Demri, then she tried to get Demri to break up with me thinking I was the bad influence. _Now_ she wants me to be part of some intervention they're cooking up."

"They want you to do an intervention on Demri?" Jerry inquired as his brain caught up to the topic of conversation. "You always said those things never worked."

"They don't, but Demri's mom is going to try anyway," Layne said as he picked up the phone and made a flight reservation to leave directly after the show in Frankfurt.

When Layne hung up, Jerry moved to lie beside him and opened his arms in invitation. The singer went willingly. Jerry kissed a path along Layne's cheekbone and down his jawline as his hand slowly slid down Layne's toned stomach to the nest of curls at the base of his semi-hard dick.

Layne shifted around until he was able to meet Jerry’s mouth, running his tongue along the guitarist's lips until they parted for him. His tongue slipped inside as he rocked his hips in rhythm with Jerry's stroking motion. Layne reached down and returned the favor by jacking Jerry's dick.

"Mmm," Jerry moaned before breaking the kiss to softly ask, "How long are you going to be gone?"

"I'm going to leave after the show in Frankfurt, get there, deal with whatever shit is going on in Seattle, catch a nap and be back here – forty-eight hours at most. Jet lag is going to be a bitch. Don't worry, I know we have a contract to fulfill so when I get back here, take it easy on me huh? Fans are paying to see Alice In Chains, not Alice In Chains minus one member."

Layne maneuvered until he was straddling Jerry. He reached down, wrapped his hand around both of their dicks, and started to steadily stroke them together.

"Layne . . ."

"Yeah?" Layne murmured against Jerry's lips and moved to pepper kisses along Jerry's jaw and neck as he continued stroking their dicks faster.

"You asked me to look after you," Jerry sucked in a breath as he rocked and ground his hips against Layne, revealing, "I can't do that when I'm here and you're in Seattle."

Between kisses and licks and grinding against each other, Layne informed him, "Alexander Graham Bell invented this snazzy new thing called a 'telephone'. We can use that," Layne sat up a little and glanced at the phone he'd just used. "See, there's one over there."

"'Snazzy?' Smartass," Jerry lightly reprimanded.

When he thought about being apart from Layne, there was a physical pain that bloomed in his chest. They had lived together with the guys as a band and as friends for years. They did everything together from clubbing to crashing parties to riding tour buses and airplanes. He knew everything about Layne and Layne knew everything about him from his bedtime routine to how he took his coffee in the morning. Jerry knew what laundry soap caused Layne to break out in hives and the Black Sabbath tunes he sang in the shower.

Jerry also knew that from the moment Layne met Demri, he fell head over heels in love with her, and even when Demri wasn't speaking to the singer, Layne still loved her and took care of her. Jerry didn't know how many thousands of dollars Layne spent on Demri's stints in rehab before now. But, Jerry knew that these days, Layne looked after Demri like any other family member. The family called him home for another go on the rehab merry-go-round and Layne agreed to it because it was Demri. Demri could scream insults and accusations at Layne for being unfaithful on the road and not buying drugs for her at any given time and the next time she called him, he would drop everything to try and help her.

It was a relationship that Jerry didn't fully understand, but then he kept his own relationship issues bottled up inside concerning a woman he was seeing back home. He and Layne never felt the need to discuss anything that wasn't happening at the moment. Right now is what they had to deal with, not something that could or would happen in two days or two months.

"Jerry? Did you actually lose interest in a handjob?" Layne teased.

"No, I've been trying to get you to cum all night and you keep holding back," Jerry replied defensively. "Too bad I can't mark you right now like you did me."

Layne arched a brow. "Getting tattoos at the same time wasn't enough?"

"I have to go around with teeth marks in my neck, but you have to go home unmarked," Jerry pouted.

Layne took the opportunity to suck on the protruding lip. "I never knew you cared so much."

"Well . . . yeah," Jerry said as if it was obvious by his actions since the first time they lived together.

"You know, I can see why you're having trouble with your relationship back home. Do you always talk this much while trying to achieve an orgasm?" Layne inquired.

Jerry glared at Layne before rolling the singer onto his back. Jerry kicked his underwear off the rest of the way. Layne spread his legs to make room for Jerry. He handed the guitarist the bottle of lube. Jerry coated his dick with it and used the excess on Layne. After a moment, Jerry stared at Layne as he slowly slid into Layne's body. He watched as Layne stroked his own dick and the guitarist rocked into him slow and steady. Jerry leaned down to meet Layne’s lips as he thrust in slow and deep.

Jerry ground his pelvic bone against Layne. He had Layne bent nearly in half – which was easy to achieve when Jerry had a few inches height on him. He had a hand wrapped around Layne's ankle as they shared a kiss. Jerry broke the kiss but continued to thrust in slow and deep. Layne reached up, gripped the back of Jerry's neck as they moved together, sharing sporadic kisses.

"Yeah, Jerry," Layne moaned encouragingly as he pulled Jerry back to him with a hand on the back of Jerry's neck and kissed him again. He groaned as Jerry rocked his hips into him.

"Are you almost there?" Jerry's voice was gravely sounding, barely a whisper.

Layne groaned in response, pulling Jerry down by the neck for another kiss as Jerry rocked deep into him. Layne released his hold on Jerry to reach up and push against the headboard so his head didn't hit it with Jerry's pounding thrusts. Jerry dipped down and started to kiss and nip at Layne's neck with his teeth. Layne's responsive moan was almost in time with Jerry's. Jerry echoed the moan, the sound vibrating against Layne's neck. He pulled back enough to kiss down Layne's chest to tease a nipple, all the while thrusting in and out steadily.

Jerry raised his head from his task only to have Layne grab the back of his neck and pull him closer to kiss him. Their tongues met and wrestled as Jerry's hips rocked faster into Layne. They both groaned at the combined sensations.

"Yeah, yeah, Layne," Jerry encouraged. "Oh, yeah." He rose up, propping himself on a hand flat against the mattress. Jerry held Layne's right ankle above his head as he thrust in quick, short movements. Hearing Layne moan urged him on.

Layne stroked his own dick as he watched the guitarist's face. Using his free hand, he affectionately stroked Jerry's cheek as he moaned, "Yeah, Jerry."

Jerry leaned down long enough to spare Layne a kiss. Layne grabbed the back of Jerry's neck forcing Jerry closer and causing his legs to spread wider since Jerry still had a hold on his ankle. They shared a deeper kiss while Jerry slid in and out.

Layne refused to release his hold on Jerry's neck when they broke the kiss, sharing each other's breaths and moaning while Jerry pounded into him. Jerry kissed him again and then teased both nipples as he rocked into Layne hard and deep. Jerry returned to kissing Layne intermittently as they watched each other's expressions.

"Yeah, Jerry," Layne encouraged, raking his fingers through the top of Jerry's hair as they watched each other.

Layne's hand went back to Jerry's neck as he pulled the guitarist closer for a kiss stroking himself in time to Jerry's rhythm. Jerry quickened his pace as Layne encouraged him in between trading kisses.

"Come on, Layne," Jerry panted as he raised himself up on his hands and continued to hammer into Layne. Jerry watched Layne stroke himself until the orgasm hit and white droplets spread over Layne's chest. Layne groaned, which was echoed by Jerry as Jerry watched his singer fall apart underneath him. Jerry leaned down and licked the cum off Layne's face and lips before kissing him.

Jerry carefully disengaged from Layne's body and moved up to straddle Layne's torso, stroking his dick over Layne's stomach. He leaned over and kissed Layne. Layne caressed Jerry's thigh and watched him jerk himself off in between kisses. Jerry straightened up, his free hand grabbing Layne's to lace their fingers together on his left thigh as he continued to stroke his dick. Layne rubbed his other hand up Jerry's right thigh. Jerry's breaths came quicker as he got closer to completion.

"It's coming," Jerry whispered huskily. A few seconds later, Jerry came on Layne's stomach while Layne witnessed the beauty of the guitarist's release.

Layne leaned up as much as he could and kissed Jerry's abdomen. He watched Jerry squeeze out the last drops of cum and then wrapped his fingers around the shaft. He licked the crown clean. Jerry watched Layne through half-closed eyes, running his fingers through Layne's hair that was now a normal blonde color. When Layne finished, Jerry leaned down for a kiss, Layne's fingers slid into Jerry's hair, then caressed down his neck and chest as Jerry moved to lie beside him.

"Feel better?" Layne smirked.

"Oh yeah," Jerry groaned as he got comfortable. An easy silence settled over them before Jerry grumbled, half asleep, "Layne?"

"Yeah?" Layne's voice was muffled by the pillow he snuggled into.

"Forty-eight hours or I will personally leave Mike and Sean here, get on a plane and hunt your ass down at whatever drug den you end up in and bring you back," Jerry said, half promised, half threatened. "I'm not ready to lose you. There's no other singer who can replace you that I want to work with."

"Forty-eight hours, got it," Layne confirmed sleepily. "Can I sleep now? We have a show tomorrow."

Jerry smacked Layne on the ass in response, and then rolled over and went to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the show at the Music Hall in Frankfurt, Germany, Layne takes an immediate trip back to Seattle to deal with Demri and then immediately flies back to Germany for the tour, but also to get back to Jerry. Jerry realizes his feelings and the lengths Layne will go to for him and make it seem so effortless.

**_Music Hall, Frankfurt, Germany, February 2, 1993_ **

All day long it seemed as if Layne were anxious and he wouldn’t stop bouncing around. Jerry watched him knowing half of the reason was because of the show, but the other half was because he had to leave directly after the show and the expectations he knew that were waiting for Layne back home in Seattle.

When showtime came around, Layne had sunglasses on and bounced on the balls of his feet listening to a recording of _Iron Gland_ play over the P.A. system. Then, the curtain dropped and the band broke into _Dam That River_ , followed by _We Die Young_ , _Them Bones_ , _Would?_ , _Love Hate Love_ , _Junkhead_ , _God Smack_ , _Bleed the Freak_ , _Put You Down_ , _Sickman_ , _It Ain’t Like That_ , _Rain When I Die_ , _Dirt_ , _Hate to Feel_ , and an encore of _Angry Chair_ and _Man in the Box_.

About seven minutes and twenty-five seconds into the set, during _Them Bones_ , Layne took the sunglasses off. Somewhere between _Would?_ and _Love Hate Love_ , Layne took his jacket off. Layne and Jerry exchanged glances and cues throughout _Love Hate Love_. Jerry was concerned but Layne nodded to him that he was okay and still focused on the moment at hand, not on what was to come later. At the beginning of _Junkhead_ , Layne pulled his shirt off and tossed it at the drum riser.

Just as _It Ain’t Like That_ was starting, Layne went over to Jerry. He took advantage of the moment of darkness to get close to the guitarist and with a smirk, let him know how turned on he was. It was reminiscent of how close they were in their club days when he and Layne would tease each other on stage, the audience none the wiser. Jerry returned the smirk and shifted the guitar to the side and back, showing off the bulge in his jeans. The stage lights started flashing, the drums kicked in and they both jumped into action for the song.

Jerry loved this part of the performance: he and Layne taking cues off each other, relying on each other, feeding off each other’s energy. It made for great performances but it also made them hot for each other. By the end of the show, it was all they could do to act normal until they found a hotel room.

After _Dirt_ , Layne put his guitar on and played a few chords tuning it. Jerry came up to him and played the next few chords and Layne followed suit getting the guitar to synch with Jerry’s. Once he was sure, Layne gave Jerry the smile of a kid who just discovered a new trick and broke into the first chords of _Hate to Feel_.

At the end of the show, they performed a rousing version of _Man in the Box_ where Layne helped a girl on stage so that she could dive off again. A guy tried to get on stage only to be stopped by stage security. Layne and two lucky audience members in the front row sang the chorus with Jerry’s backing vocal. Jerry beamed at the end of the show with the knowledge that Layne had made the night for those few lucky people that would remember it for the rest of their lives.

Jerry had told Sean and Mike about Layne going back home for a day or two before the show. Layne’s suitcase was already packed in the rental car. So when they left the venue, Sean and Mike said their goodbyes to Layne and took a cab back to the hotel. Jerry and Layne got into the rental and drove to the airport. They arrived at the terminal with a few minutes to spare.

“Call me when you get there,” Jerry said as he stood as close to Layne as he dared to. Layne’s suitcase was on the floor between them.

“Okay,” Layne agreed. He let his forehead fall against Jerry’s shoulder. “I wish we could go back to the hotel. My body is so tense right now.”

“Tell you what, get everything sorted out back home and then call me and I’ll see what I can do with the help of Alexander Graham Bell,” Jerry teased, referring to Layne’s comment from the night before.

Layne smirked at that and kissed Jerry on the cheek just as his flight was announced over the P.A. system. Layne grabbed his suitcase and Jerry watched as his best friend walked to his assigned loading gate.

Jerry and Layne were about living in the moment and not worrying about things too far ahead because planning got you into trouble. Layne was his best friend, a brother. They had been on the road since roughly 1991 and it was now 1993. They had become partners, co-lead vocalists sometimes, sharing the burden that way. Not that they were into labeling their relationship, but with the closeness that entailed, Layne and Jerry had become lovers. Standing in a German airport watching Layne board a plane to deal with a girl who hated his guts half the time, Jerry finally put a name to the feelings he had been trying to ignore for two years now: he was absolutely in love with Layne. Over the years he’d tried to show Layne how he felt, but Jerry didn’t know how to tell him. It wasn’t like he and Layne were the type to open a vein and bleed out over the other person. They normally dealt with their feelings by writing lyrics.

Jerry knew that Sean and Mike Starr were best friends since childhood and Sean had dated Starr’s sister. However, Jerry wasn’t sure of the status of the relationship with Sean and Mike Inez. He secretly hoped Sean and Mike Inez had developed some sort of relationship where they could be partners in crime if nothing else.

As Jerry walked back to the rental car, an idea for a song meant for Layne popped into his head.

*************************

**_Seattle, Washington_ **

Layne flew back to Seattle from Germany and was picked up at the airport by Kathleen Austin and Demri. The plan was to go to Kathleen’s home where the intervention would take place the following morning.

Layne suggested they stop at a bar. Since he’d been on a plane the last few hours, he needed a drink. It turned out that Layne sipped his drink while he and Kathleen plied Demri with alcohol. Kathleen made a face as if her drink tasted odd and asked Demri to try it. Demri downed it, slamming the glass on the table. When it looked as if Demri might fall out of her chair, Layne got up and threw a few twenty-dollar bills on the table. He picked Demri up out of the chair and carried her to the car.

“You have the most beautiful blue eyes,” Demri commented drunkenly.

Layne chuckled at her comment as Kathleen opened the back passenger door. He deposited Demri in the car and shut the door. Kathleen and Layne shared a conspiratorial look before getting in the front seat and driving to Kathleen’s house.

*************************

After taking Demri to the rehab facility, Kathleen dropped Layne off at a hotel. He checked in, dropped his suitcase on the floor, and dialed the number for the hotel the band was staying at in Germany. He kicked his shoes off and lay back on the bed as he listened to it ring.

“Hello?” Jerry answered.

“Well, it’s done,” Layne informed him.

“How’d it go?” Jerry asked.

“I got in last night. Demri’s mom had Demri with her when she picked me up at the airport. I suggested we go to a bar. We got Demri drunk and took her home. Kathleen unplugged her phone in the bedroom and told Demri to sleep in there. After that, Kathleen and I made calls. When Demri woke up this morning and saw me with her friends and relatives: her maternal grandparents, her brothers, everyone. She figured out what we were doing. She accused me of being a hypocrite while screaming ‘you’re not fucking intervening on me! I’m not going to fucking rehab.’ Ultimately, we talked her into going. Apparently, they didn’t need me. Her brother Devin said something that worked on her. Demri chose a facility in Port Angeles. She threw a fit the entire way there. We checked her in and drove back home. We thought she’d beat us back home,” Layne laughed.

“Has the jet lag caught up with you yet?” Jerry asked.

“It’s about to, but I’m going to take a nap after I get off with you and then make a reservation to fly back to Germany,” Layne said.

“We’re going to have to come up with something for you missing the show in Munich or Nuremberg,” Jerry said calculating the odds in his head.

“Babe, it’s just a few hours. You don’t have to miss any dates. We can skip the phone sex and you can just owe me later when I take it out of your ass. I’ll get off the phone with you, call for a flight reservation and meet you all in Munich and we’ll just do the show at like midnight or one in the morning. Just don’t let Sean and Mike bitch at me for dragging,” Layne explained.

Jerry groaned, “I was looking forward to the phone sex. Why do you have to be so logical at the most illogical times?”

“Jet lag. Soon it will be double jet lag all for you. But, if you’re really good and make sure Sean and Mike don’t bite my head off when I get back, I’ll whisper in your ear every erotic thing I can think of while fucking you,” Layne teased.

“Promises, promises,” Jerry pouted. “Call me with your flight information and I’ll pick you up.”

“Okay, bye babe,’ Layne said, hanging up.

Layne called the Seattle-Tacoma International Airport and got a reservation for a flight to Munich, Germany. He hung up with them and called Jerry back with the information. After that was done, he called the main desk of his hotel for a wake-up call in two hours. When he hung up with them he noticed his beeper was blinking. He looked at it and saw he missed a message from Demri. He shrugged and tossed the beeper at his suitcase. He lay down for a nap until the hotel desk called.

*************************

**_Munich Airport, Munich, Germany_ **

Layne got some sleep on the plane, but the time zone changes were kicking his ass. What the hell possessed him to tell Jerry they could do a midnight show when he got back? In Seattle, it was an optimistic idea. Then he got the message from Demri. All he saw was her name before he tossed the beeper and fell asleep. The hotel concierge woke him up and he grabbed a cab to the airport. Now he was dragging himself to the luggage carousel.

He stood at the carousel, sunglasses propped up on top of his head waiting for his suitcase to come around. “Howdy, stranger,” he heard near his ear.

“We have to stop meeting in foreign countries like this. People will start to talk about our international love affair,” Layne commented dryly.

“An international love affair, huh?” Jerry smiled.

“Well, what do you call hopping a plane from the U.S. to Germany?” Layne asked.

“Awww, Layne, I knew you loved me. You really love me,” Jerry teased but internally he held that thought close. Layne had done a lot for him already and continually surprised him with what seemed like little things that turned out to be big and Layne made it look as if it never bothered him to completely rearrange his life or schedule for Jerry.

“Who else would I do this for? Sean? Mike?” Layne scoffed.

“And you’re contractually obligated to be here,” Jerry pointed out.

Layne grabbed his suitcase as it rolled by. “Don’t remind me. Why did I pack a suitcase and not a duffle bag?”

“Because you’re a prima donna?” Jerry guessed with a shrug.

“Screw you, Cantrell,” Layne grumbled as he led the way out to the parking lot. “Where’d you park the car? I need to get rid of the jet lag before the show I so helpfully recommended should be at midnight.”

“It’s more like 10:45 pm,” Jerry informed him.

“What?” Layne stopped in the middle of crossing the parking lot, Jerry had to grab the back of Layne’s jacket and pull him back to his side before a motorist ran over the singer.

“Yeah, to make the scheduled date of February third, Susan rescheduled the show at 10:45 pm,” Jerry said.

“How the hell am I going to be able to stand up and do the damn show when I’m about to pass out? Microphone stands are not all that sturdy,” Layne grumbled as he followed Jerry to the car. “Jesus, you thought people had the idea that I was too high to perform when I stood still. What do you think _they_ will think when I’m up there and not only motionless but half asleep?!”

“Don’t worry, we’ll get you the wheelchair,” Jerry said as he opened the trunk.

“Dude, we did _not_ save the wheelchair from my ATV accident,” Layne denied as he threw his suitcase in the trunk and shut it. Jerry smirked at him. Layne gazed at the guitarist and saw the mischievous look in his eyes. “You didn’t!”

“Sean –” Jerry started to say.

“Damn SEAN! That prick. He kept the wheelchair! Where’d he stow it?” Layne walked around to the passenger side of the car and got in.

“With his drum rig. He told the drum techs that sometimes he needed it because the kick drum caused his legs to ache,” Jerry said as he got in the driver side.

“That bastard! I should hide his drum sticks and alcohol supply for that,” Layne said as Jerry drove to the hotel the band was staying at in Munich.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After returning to Germany, it took Layne a few shows to start to feel normal again, just in time to run off with Mark Lanegan and leave both Alice In Chains AND Screaming Trees waiting for their singers to return. Jerry is NOT happy about it and takes a passive-aggressive approach in dealing with Layne.

**_Lund, Sweden, February 7, 1993_ **

Well, the band did the show at Nachtwerk in Munich, Germany at eleven pm, which technically was still on February 3. Layne was awake through it but he ran on autopilot. Luckily, they hadn’t changed the setlist from Bonn’s show. Some kid jumped on stage and touched Layne on a dare. The security was going to throw him out of the venue, but at the end of _We Die Young_ , Layne got on the mic and told the security guys to let the kid stay. The guitar tech helped Layne put the guitar on for Hate to Feel and Angry Chair.

For the next show, they traveled an hour and thirty-seven minutes north to Nuremberg, Germany, and played Resi. Layne moved around the stage a bit more than he did in Munich, but the band played the same setlist to be safe.

Jerry felt sorry for Layne and announced they’d have a day off on February 5. They had moved two hundred and seventy-five miles northeast to Berlin for a show at Huxleys Neue Welt on February 6. They did the same setlist and Layne had established a routine during the set.

They had to catch a flight to Sweden that night to do a show on February 7, in Lund at Mejeriet. The Screaming Trees were opening for them. Normally, the two bands got along but with Layne’s drug use and Mark Lanegan’s drug use, Jerry was worried. When Mark was around, Layne’s demeanor changed. The two singers snuck off and both bands were left waiting for them. Whenever they did decide to show up, the two bands pulled the singers apart and dragged them back to their respective corners.

The guys in Screaming Trees were _not_ happy with their singer’s disposition as they took the stage first. Jerry pulled Layne aside, yanked off the sunglasses, and looked deep into Layne’s eyes. Jerry could tell he was high.

“Damn it, Layne,” Jerry cursed softly. He was disappointed as he put the sunglasses back on Layne’s face.

“I’m okay, Jerry,” Layne assured him. “It’s just a buzz before the show.”

“If you end up falling off the stage into the pit,” Jerry warned.

“I won’t, Jer,” Layne said petulantly.

“ _This_ is the exact reason why I haven’t done a change-up on the setlist. Because I knew you’d be like this and throwing a monkey wrench in by adding or removing songs would screw you up,” Jerry was more frustrated than he let on.

“I know all of our songs, Jerry! I sang them all before,” Layne said defensively.

“Fine, what are the words to _Confusion_ right now,” Jerry challenged.

“ _There's no time to give at all_ / _I cause you grief and blow my hatred_ / _Further in your mind_ / _You took everything but my will to be_ / _Now the loss of your god won't make me bleed_ ,” Layne sang.

“Babe, that was three lines of _Confusion_ and two lines of _I Can’t Remember_ ,” Jerry said.

“It’s been two years or something since I sang those songs!” Layne whined.

Jerry cupped Layne’s face with both hands and pressed their foreheads together. “Calm down. I wasn’t trying to corner you. I was just showing you how foggy your mind is right now. I can get you through tonight, but afterward, you are going to our room. You are _not_ disappearing with Mark.”

“Okay,” Layne agreed.

The Screaming Trees set ended. Jerry glared at Mark Lanegan as they passed each other while Alice In Chains went to their places on the stage. _Iron Gland_ started to play over the P.A. system. Then, the band broke into _Dam That River_. No matter how high Layne was tonight, his voice still sounded as good as it ever did. Before _Hate to Feel_ , Layne ran off the stage and came back a few minutes later claiming a bathroom break and then finished the set with _Angry Chair_ and _Man in the Box_.

Once they got back to the hotel and checked in for the night, Layne went into the bathroom and shut the door hard. Jerry stared at the closed door for a minute and went about undressing and turning on the TV. Sure the language was Swedish, but he didn’t care. It was just noise. He could use the noise as a distraction from Layne’s temper tantrum.

Barrett Martin was a cool guy and a great drummer for Screaming Trees. Gary Lee and Van were cool guys. In the beginning, Mark was a good guy. But, as drugs took precedence over the band, Mark started meeting Layne in the drug dens of Seattle. There was only so much Jerry could do where Layne was concerned. Layne was going to make his own decisions. Jerry just wondered how long he could be there to pick up the pieces. So far, he’d kept Layne on an even keel. But whenever the Screaming Trees opened for Alice in Chains on this tour, Mark and Layne always disappeared together.

Layne came out of the bathroom having brushed his teeth and started pulling his clothes off. Jerry was sitting at the small table in the room noodling on his guitar. It was a tune Layne didn’t recognize.

When Jerry didn’t look up or acknowledge his presence in any way, Layne said, “I’m sorry.”

Not looking up, Jerry asked evenly, “For what?”

“I don’t know,” Layne said. From childhood, it was just something that automatically came out.

Jerry finally looked up, holding the guitar upright on his lap by the fretboard. “I’m not Demri. I’m not going to scream obscenities at you or accuse you of anything. I’m not going to stand in the way of what you decide to do with your life. For as long as we’re together either the two of us or the band as a whole, I will take what I can get and enjoy it while I can. This band was my idea, but you play an integral part in this band, _our band_. Your voice, Layne, you have a God-given gift that other people would give their vital body parts to be able to possess. You’re amazing. The way you sing, the harmonies you come up with and the way you work it out so fast in your head . . . .”

Layne’s cheeks were red at the compliments on his voice. He knew what he had. It was just that when Mark was around, the Screaming Trees singer knew how to easily distract him. What would start as a five-minute break, ended up being an hour or so. Layne went over to Jerry and sat on the floor in front of him cross-legged.

“Play something,” Layne suggested.

“Like what?” Jerry asked.

“Anything,” Layne said, looking up at Jerry with big blue eyes.

Jerry thought for a minute and started playing. Layne listened to the beginning, picked it up, and sang, “ _Come down off your throne and leave your body alone_ / _Somebody must change_ / _You are the reason I've been waiting so long_ / _Somebody holds the key_ / _But I'm near the end and I just ain't got the time_ / _And I'm wasted and I can't find my way home_ / _Come down on your own and leave your body alone_ / _Somebody must change_ / _You are the reason I've been waiting all these years_ / _Somebody holds the key_.”

Jerry stopped playing because the rest of the song was a repeat of the first two verses. He looked at Layne. “See, you even picked that up and it’s nowhere near the same vein as our music.”

“We have some blues in our music, it’s just so buried you have to look for it,” Layne said. He got up on his knees between Jerry’s legs and propped his arms up on Jerry’s thighs. “Am I forgiven for whatever I did?”

“We got through the show. There’s nothing to apologize for. You’re my partner in this. When it’s time to work I need you to be there. You asked something of me in Brazil and this is all I ask of you. All those other bands where the singer goes off and does whatever they want and comes back to the band whenever. That’s not us, man. That’s never how we worked. I might be the heart of this thing, but Layne, you’re the soul.” 

“I get it, Jerry,” Layne said solemnly.

Layne stood up and took the guitar from Jerry. Setting it on the stand beside the chair, he grabbed Jerry’s hand and pulled him up on his feet. He guided Jerry as he walked backward toward the bed and then pivoted and lightly pushed Jerry down on the bed. Layne leaned closer placing a hand on Jerry’s hip, refusing to allow him to go far. Hovering over Jerry, he moved in for a kiss, saying softly, “I seem to remember a rain check from a week ago.”

Jerry shifted on the bed to make room. Layne settled between his legs as he deepened the kiss, caressing his hand down Jerry’s side from his ribs to his hip.

Jerry opened his mouth to Layne’s exploring tongue. Jerry reached out to run his hand over Layne’s boxers and up his side to his chest. He pushed against Layne and sat up with him, never breaking the kiss. He caressed Layne’s face while the singer reached up to bury his fingers through Jerry’s long, dark blonde strands and tightened his fist in Jerry’s hair in a light tug. While Layne slid his other hand down Jerry’s neck to his naked chest, teasing a nipple, Jerry broke the kiss long enough to suck in a breath and then fused their lips together almost ravenously as Layne pushed Jerry back onto the mattress.

Layne released his hold and pulled away, gently tugging on Jerry’s lower lip with his teeth before breaking the kiss. He moved lower to suck a nipple into his mouth, teasing it with his tongue. Jerry watched the singer through half-closed eyes, a hand caressing through Layne’s short, blonde curls. Layne kissed over Jerry’s chest, the guitarist arching into his touch as he moved lower to kiss over Jerry’s flat toned stomach.

Jerry shifted, making room for Layne to move lower. He stroked his dick through his underwear as Layne took his time kissing and licking over his chest and stomach. Jerry’s idle hand moved to sift through Layne’s short curls as Layne rose up and they shared another hot kiss.

Layne worked a hand into Jerry’s hair, forcing Jerry to release him. Taking control of the kiss, Layne mapped the inside of Jerry’s mouth with his tongue and then kissed his way down Jerry’s chest and stomach. Layne slid off the bed until his knees hit the floor beside the bed frame.

Jerry had his eyes glued to Layne’s every move as he pulled Jerry’s dick out through the top of his underwear and started to suck him even as Layne deftly pulled his own boxers down and tugged them off. The sucking never stopped, it just got tighter whenever Layne shifted to get his boxers off and then climbed back onto the edge of the bed. Jerry stroked the base of his dick and balls while he watched the singer take his dick as deep as he could.

Layne pulled off long enough to readjust his position so that he could suck Jerry off while using a hand to touch himself. Jerry stroked the base of his dick with one hand, the other caressed the back of Layne’s head lightly scratching his short blunt nails over his scalp and down to massage Layne’s neck.

After a few minutes, Jerry sat up causing Layne to pull off. Jerry encouraged him to lie back on the pillows. Jerry reached for Layne’s dick as he moved in to kiss Layne’s neck. He gently nipped at and sucked a hickey on Layne’s neck before moving to suck on Layne’s earlobe the whole time he stroked Layne’s dick.

Layne returned the attention, kissing Jerry’s neck. Layne’s hot breath caressed the skin as his fingers delved into Jerry’s hair. Layne’s hips involuntarily rocked into Jerry’s touch until it became too much. Jerry lay opposite him in a sixty-nine position. Layne pulled Jerry’s underwear off and tossed them to the pile of discarded clothes on the floor.

As Layne leaned back on a forearm, Jerry immediately wrapped his fingers around the length of Layne’s dick and started to suck on the crown. Layne groaned softly before returning the favor, stroking the base of Jerry’s dick, sucking him down again. Layne slid his hand around the outside of Jerry’s leg to rub his fingertips over Jerry’s hole, teasing it as he sucked Jerry down. When Jerry’s answering moan vibrated around his dick, Layne blindly moved a hand to tangle in Jerry’s hair trying to get Jerry to take him deeper.

When Jerry pulled away to lie on his back, Layne shifted around to kneel and motioned for Jerry to roll over on his hands and knees. The second Jerry had his knees spread, Layne held him open with one hand on an ass cheek and the other on his own dick. Layne proceeded to lick and tease Jerry’s hole mercilessly with his tongue, causing Jerry to moan. Layne abandoned his own dick just as Jerry started to stroke his own. Layne spread both cheeks with his hands and licked a wide strip along the cleft as Jerry moaned deeply and rocked back again Layne’s mouth.

A few minutes and a painfully aching dick later, Layne took one hand and stroked himself while licking at Jerry’s quivering hole. He pulled away a bit and spanked Jerry on the ass with one hand before returning to his task. The room filled with a cacophony of Jerry’s moans.

After what seemed like an age of teasing and a litany of sounds from Jerry, Layne took pity and stopped licking. He took over stroking Jerry’s balls as he pulled them back a little to suck on them, then directed Jerry’s dick closer to suck on it from behind. Layne licked back up the perineum and back to tease Jerry’s hole with his tongue. Jerry groaned into the bedspread, rocking back onto Layne’s tongue and stroking fingers.

Jerry shifted position and Layne followed suit as they met in a kiss. Layne’s fingers buried into Jerry’s hair as Jerry tasted himself on Layne’s tongue. Jerry moved his hand to stroke Layne’s dick as they kissed.

Jerry leaned back on the pillows as Layne moved between his legs and continued sucking Jerry’s dick. Jerry watched the singer suck him and stroke his own dick. Layne alternated between sucking Jerry’s dick and kissing along Jerry’s stomach and then down to suck on Jerry’s balls.

After listening to Jerry’s mindless moaning for a while, Layne finally relented, sat up, motioning for Jerry to move to his hands and knees.

Layne slowly slid his dick into Jerry’s ass. He caressed Jerry’s hip as he slowly rocked deeper into Jerry’s body. Jerry reached down with one hand to stroke his dick in time with Layne’s thrusts.

Layne ever so slowly slid in and out, caressing a hand up Jerry’s back to squeeze his shoulder and then stroked down his back again. Jerry moaned with each small thrust as he stroked his own dick. Layne grabbed Jerry’s hips and slowly rocked in and out, gradually increasing his thrusts. Hearing Jerry’s moans, Layne moaned in response as he felt Jerry tighten the muscles around his dick. Jerry lowered his shoulders even more so that his ass was in the air and his chest rested on the bed.

Layne shifted a bit forcing his pace off-kilter. He started slower again, picking up speed until he had Jerry moaning again.

“Oh, yeah, Layne,” Jerry moaned. Jerry rose up into a sitting position, leaning back against Layne's chest to pull Layne closer into a desperate kiss over his right shoulder. Layne’s thrusts never faltered. The thrusts had Jerry moaning between kisses.

Jerry broke the kiss and resumed his position on his hands and knees. Layne leaned over, draping himself over Jerry's back, his thrusts pile-driving down into Jerry’s body. The motion caused the bed under them to shift. The springs were bouncing and creaking. The faster Layne went, the louder Jerry moaned. Jerry fell forward into the pillows muffling his desperate sounds. Layne watched the guitarist’s reactions before kissing and then nipping at his shoulder as he continued to pound into Jerry. When Layne buried his face in the curve of Jerry’s neck Jerry instinctively butted his head against him affectionately.

Layne wrapped his arm around Jerry’s waist and rolled them over so that he was on his back while Jerry was on top of him in a reverse cowgirl (er, cow _boy_ ) position. Jerry carefully shifted into a more comfortable position without losing his physical connection to Layne. Jerry braced himself on Layne’s thighs and started bouncing and stroking his dick.

When Layne first met Jerry, he didn’t think Jerry was the coolest guy in the world or anything. His bandmate at the time told him of Jerry’s situation and Layne drunkenly offered to help Jerry out. He offered his room at the Music Bank for a place to stay, got him a job there, got him clothes and guitars and gear.

As young as Jerry was, the second he picked up the electric guitar Layne got for him and played it like knowing the intimate parts of the body, Layne was almost smitten. Then he found Mike Starr and Sean for Jerry’s band. The three of them gelled so well. While he wanted to play with Jerry, he didn’t have the heart to give up Sleze. He’d known the guys in Sleze since school. But then the funk band fell apart and Sleze had run its course. He finally joined Jerry’s band.

It wasn’t until Jerry was working on a song that Layne heard Jerry singing to himself and realized Jerry had a good voice. Once he figured that out, Layne encouraged the guitarist to sing with him and they effortlessly developed a pitch-perfect harmony together. Layne knew he and Jerry had something going with Alice In Chains no other grunge band had that made them unique, but they were still a hard enough rock band that they could handle their own on tour with veterans like Van Halen and Ozzy.

Layne knew his drug use was a sore spot between him and Jerry. When he was around Mark Lanegan it was worse. But he planned to keep his promise to always be ready to work when the time came. Jerry was always there to carry him through when things got bad. Whatever Jerry needed, wherever Jerry needed him to be, Layne dropped what he was doing and did it because it was Jerry. That was another thing that scared him – other than surviving this tour – was doing something so drastic his bandmates would abandon him. He’d seen it before in other bands. They’d done it to Starr, who’s to say Layne wasn’t next?

“Layne? Are you with me?” Jerry asked in a faraway voice.

“Yeah, I’m getting close,” Layne assured him.

Layne bucked his hips fast until he heard Jerry cum and felt the droplets hit his thighs. Jerry carefully slid off Layne, collapsing beside him. Layne jacked himself off in quick, jerky movements, groaning when his own orgasm hit like a gut-punch.

Jerry went into the bathroom and cleaned up, before returning to the bed and using the washcloth to wipe the cum off of Layne. He took the washcloth back to the bathroom and returned to bed lying down beside Layne.

“Well, you did half of what you promised,” Jerry smirked.

“What did I miss?” Layne asked.

Jerry reached up and smoothed Layne’s furrowed brow. “You didn’t whisper every erotic thing you could think of.”

Layne shrugged. “The sentiment was there.”

“What are you thinking about? Whatever it is, you don’t have to worry so much.”

That was easy for Jerry to say. For Layne, he’d have to wait to see how it panned out over time.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The band made it to Stockholm, Sweden where Layne punches an abusive skinhead and gets arrested and Jerry has decided that his love for Layne and his abundant patience outweighs dealing with Layne's drug use as the price he has to pay for Layne's talent.

**_Stockholm, Sweden, February 8, 1993_ **

The following night, Alice In Chains played at Cirkus in Stockholm, Sweden. Despite the fact that Screaming Trees were _not_ opening for them, Mark Lanegan seemed to have followed Layne there like a puppy. Jerry chose to ignore him. At ten minutes before showtime, Layne arrived with Mark in tow. Layne finally broke the invisible chain between him and Mark and walked up to where Jerry was tuning his guitar.

“Are we ready to do this?” Layne asked quietly.

Jerry glanced at Layne, seeing his hair slicked back, and his sunglasses perched at his hairline. Jerry searched his eyes. The blue orbs were a little glassy. Giving no indication of the irritation he felt knowing Layne had shown up _with Mark_ and also high, Jerry announced, “I’m doing a setlist change. Instead of doing _Rain When I Die_ after _It Ain’t Like That_ , we’re doing _Rooster_ and _Dirt_ before going on to _Hate to Feel_.”

The way Jerry so curtly and succinctly threw out _Rooster_ and _Dirt_ , Layne could tell he was pissed. “That’s okay with me.”

“Good,” Jerry said brusquely. He walked off with his guitar to Mike’s side of the stage to supposedly tell the bassist about the song change leaving Layne to wonder what the hell happened between last night and today.

When show time came around, Layne had sunglasses on, cigarette in hand listening to the recording of _Iron Gland_ play over the P.A. system. Then, the curtain dropped and the band broke into _Dam That River_ with Jerry playing on the far side of the stage as he could get from Layne. He walked to the drum riser and played with Sean for a moment and then made a wide circle around Layne to play for the audience. _We Die Young_ , followed by _Them Bones_ , _Would?_ , _Love Hate Love_ , _Junkhead_ , _God Smack_ , _Bleed the Freak_ , _Put You Down_ , _Sickman_ , _Ain’t Like That_ , _Rooster_ , _Dirt_ , _Hate to Feel_ , and an encore of _Angry Chair_ and _Man in the Box_.

Somewhere between _Them Bones_ and _Would?_ , Layne took off his sunglasses. After _Would?_ , Layne took off his jacket. At the beginning of _Junkhead_ , Layne took off his flannel shirt.

Throughout the night, Layne, from the corner of his eye, watched a skinhead making a Nazi gesture and punching people around him. It was one of the few times he got Jerry’s attention to point it out. Jerry nodded that he saw it too, but they didn’t stop the show until the end of _It Ain’t Like That_. Layne got on the mic and said, “We love you, Swedish people.” The crowd cheered.

Then he climbed over the stage monitors and got the attention of a security guard. He’d had enough of the guy in the mosh pit abusing people and making obscene gestures.

With the help of the stage security, Layne managed to reach out to the man in the pit and pull him up on stage, much to the bemusement of the audience. Layne almost fell over trying to pull the guy up by himself.

Finally, Jerry got on the mic, “Layne, do you need help?” It was the first time he’d spoken to Layne all night since telling him about the song change.

Layne shook his head and pulled the guy up. The second the guy was on his feet, Layne landed two hard punches before swiftly pushing the man off the stage and the offender was promptly removed from the venue.

Layne walked back to center stage, grabbed the mic, and yelled, “Fucking Nazis die!” He turned around to Jerry and flexed his muscles. Then the band went into _Rooster_.

After the song, Layne put on his guitar and the band broke into a one-minute freestyle jam while Layne tuned his guitar. Jerry went over to him and played a few chords to which Layne followed suit. At least one thing ended up right tonight, Jerry was back to playing with him instead of giving him the cold shoulder. They looked at each other and a truce was formed. Jerry nodded as he played his guitar and Layne matched him. Then, the band broke into _Hate to Feel_ and left the stage.

After four minutes, Layne went back on stage and asked, “Are you all mad at me for hitting that guy?” The crowd cheered, obviously fine with the fact that he punched the offending man. After a few more words to the audience, the band went into _Angry Chair_ which melded into _Man in the Box_.

The minute they got off stage, their bass and guitar tech, Randy Biro said, “There’s a rumor the police are looking for you guys. Turns out that guy Layne beat down reported you all to the police.”

“Jesus fuck,” Sean and Mike cursed.

Jerry, Mike, and Sean went to their hotel to get rid of any paraphernalia, grab their luggage and run for the airport while Layne and his security guard ran for the port. They were going to board the ferry and be across the water into Finland before the cops caught up to them.

However, in their rush to check out of the hotel, the police caught up to the band and seized their passports until they had Layne in custody. One of the officers that detained the band got on his radio to tell the dispatch that the singer wasn’t there. Another team of police rushed the port just as Layne and his security guard were about to board the ferry. Layne was arrested and taken to the police station.

Once it was put through dispatch that the singer for Alice In Chains was in custody, passports were returned to the band members and since they were no longer being detained, Jerry, Mike, and Sean voluntarily went to the station to wait for Layne’s outcome.

A brief investigation was done, which included the band members and the Nazi’s own brother siding with the band on what had transpired. The whole time, Layne was being questioned with the aid of an interpreter. After several hours, they released Layne. The police praised him for his handling of the situation and the Nazi’s brother shook his hand apologizing for his brother’s boneheaded actions that caused Layne to be arrested in the first place.

Once they got in the car, Mike and Sean were in the front and Jerry and Layne were in the back as Sean drove to the hotel. Jerry wrapped an arm around Layne’s shoulders.

“Am I always going to have to worry about losing you? If not to drugs and Mark than to being arrested in a foreign country?” Jerry teased.

“You’re not going to lose me to Mark and you saw the same thing I did. No one else was doing anything about it. So, I did,” Layne said. “When can we get out of here?”

“In the morning,” Jerry replied.

“Next stop – the birthplace of black metal: NORWAY!” Sean piped up from the front seat.

“I just escaped jail time to get killed by a black metal band?” Layne asked.

“Don’t they burn churches and things like that?” Mike asked.

“Talk about a stereotype. I don’t think all the black metal bands are like that,” Jerry said.

“It would tend to scare away the tourists,” Layne pointed out.

“So we just do the gig and get out. How far away is Denmark?” Sean asked.

“Five hours on a tour bus to Oslo, and then another nearly six hours to Copenhagen,” Layne groaned.

Four days after Stockholm, Sweden, on February 12, Alice In Chains performed at Sentrum Scene in Oslo, Norway. After Jerry had changed the setlist in Stockholm, he did it again in Oslo. They played _Iron Gland_ / _Dam That River_ , _We Die Young_ , _Them Bones_ , _Would?_ , _Love Hate Love_ , _Junkhead_ , _Rain When I Die_ , _God Smack_ , _Bleed the Freak_ , _Put You Down_ , _Sickman_ , _It Ain’t Like That_ , _Rooster_ , _Hate to Feel_ , with an encore of _Angry Chair_ , and _Man in the Box_.

From February 13 to February 16, the tour headed to Copenhagen, Denmark to play at Pumpehuset with the same setlist. Then they went back to Hamburg, Germany, and played at Große Freiheit 36. They moved on to Zurich, Switzerland to play at Volkshaus with February 15 open for press gatherings.

During those days, Layne and Jerry were back to teasing each other during the press gaggles and horsing around before and after shows. Layne kept his side of the bargain and showed up in time but he was always just high enough to keep the demon of withdrawal away. Jerry figured he’d have to accept that. When they were on stage, Layne never did anything out of the ordinary to show that he was too far gone. He sang as well as he ever did and played the guitar. Even high, Layne sounded as good as a studio-quality recording. His voice was a little raw from screaming at the same marks during the songs for having concerts back to back to back to back. Jerry couldn’t fault him for that.

No matter what the problem was between them be it Layne’s drug use, Jerry’s drinking problems, Sean’s drinking problems, the band always managed to pull it together. Jerry still admired Layne on stage, still adored the singer. They still ended up in the same hotel room and if nothing else they made out or Layne relaxed while Jerry noodled on his guitar. This was the best Jerry could hope for at the moment.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alice in Chains plays Rolling Stone in Milan, Italy with Screaming Trees opening. First, Jerry tries passive-aggression and then resorts to playing with Layne. It was the only thing he could think of to distract Layne away from Mark's influence.

**_Milan, Italy, February 17, 1993_ **

Alice in Chains hit Italy where Screaming Trees were opening for them again at Rolling Stone. As per usual when that happened, Mark and Layne disappeared together. The two bands could play five hands of poker waiting for their singers to arrive. Jerry remembered the promise Layne agreed to. Layne wasn’t supposed to leave them hanging at showtime.

When the singers did show up, it was almost a habit by now that the bands pried the singers apart and went their separate ways. Jerry would end up giving Layne a quick cognitive test to make sure he could still sing the songs. Other bands would have been fed up with their singer’s behavior by now, but Jerry was striving for sainthood in dealing with Layne under the influence – more from Mark Lanegan than the drugs. Again, Jerry changed the setlist on Layne. The guitarist changed it partly to break the monotony and partly to passive-aggressively get back at Layne for running off with Mark.

At showtime, the recording of _Iron Gland_ played over the P.A. system while a red strobe light created designs on the curtain. Just as the first line of _Dam That River_ was sung, the curtain dropped. _Dam That River_ was followed by _Them Bones_ , _Would?_ , _Love Hate Love_ , _Junkhead_ , _Rain When I Die_ , _We Die Young_ , _God Smack_ , _Bleed the Freak_ , _Put You Down_ , _Rooster_ , _Sickman_ , _It Ain’t Like That_ , _Dirt_ , _Hate to Feel_ , and an encore of _Angry Chair_ and _Man in the Box_.

During _Dam That River_ , Layne watched Jerry shred the guitar solo through his sunglasses. After dedicating _Love Hate Love_ to the babes of Milan, Layne took off his jacket. Fourteen minutes and eight seconds into the set, Layne took off his sunglasses and tossed them on the drum riser.

After _Love Hate Love_ , Layne greeted the audience and demanded, “I want all drugs confiscated and out of the building or in my hand. This song is called _Junkhead_.”

After _Junkhead_ , Layne spoke a few words to the crowd before the band went into _Rain When I Die_.

During the spoken verse of _Bleed the Freak_ , Layne was crouched down in front of the drum riser and Jerry got down on his knees near him to play the riff as they faced each other. Layne couldn’t make out anyone in the audience so he kept his sight on Jerry. It was the most they’d been in sync with each other in the last few concert dates. When Layne started screaming, “ _Bleed for me! Bleed for me!_ ” Jerry shifted on his knees and faced the audience as he played. Then both he and Jerry got up off the floor.

Jerry stepped up to the mic and announced, “We’re going to play a song called _Rooster_. It’s about my father.”

Somewhere in the middle of _Rooster_ , Layne stripped his shirt off. During _Sickman_ , Layne watched Jerry’s guitar solo intently. When it came time for _It Ain’t Like That_ , both Layne and Jerry jumped into action and it was like they were in their clubbing days. Layne climbed on the stage monitors and swayed as he did in the old club shows. Several fans tried to climb on the stage to dive off, but the security guys stopped that and carted the fans away as they caught them. After what consisted of a bathroom break, the band returned to the stage and went straight into _Dirt_.

Layne put his guitar on to play _Hate to Feel_ and started tuning it as Jerry played with him. He addressed the audience, “Thanks, Milan. I fucked up. I’m going to play some really bad guitar for you now. _Real_ bad. You don’t care. You don’t even know what the fuck I’m saying, do you?”

The set ended with _Angry Chair_ and _Man in the Box_.

Once they got in the car and headed for the hotel, all Mike and Sean heard from the front seat were Layne and Jerry going after each other. The bass player and drummer knew their singer and guitarist had a thing going on. Normally they weren’t a captive audience to that relationship. They knew it somewhat played out on stage and then the casual touches and horsing around backstage. Normally, Layne and Jerry kept it bottled up until they found a secluded spot or safely ensconced in the hotel room.

In the backseat, Jerry was laid out on his back on the bench seat. Layne straddled his hips, grinding together.

“Fucking jeans,” Layne groaned between kissing and licking Jerry’s neck. The denim material between them was more of a hindrance than anything. He tasted the salty sweat on Jerry’s skin. He somehow maneuvered around in the cramped backseat so that his hips were cradled between Jerry’s legs. The friction wasn’t much better in this position either. Layne leaned up, feeling Jerry caress a guitar-calloused hand down his bare chest. “How long until we get to the hotel?” he barked at Sean.

“It’s just around the corner,” Sean replied. “Can’t you two keep your pants on around each other?”

“Oh, like you two are completely innocent,” Layne shot back as he tried in vain to grind against Jerry. He was so focused on Jerry, he didn’t notice the two bandmates side-eye each other.

Once they got to the hotel, Layne and Jerry tried to calm themselves long enough to get through check-in and into the room. The second the door shut, Layne practically climbed Jerry like a tree. “Why the fuck do you have to be so tall?”

Jerry made his way to the bed and fell back on it. Layne sat up and shifted so that he was between Jerry’s legs. He watched the guitarist through a sex-haze as he nearly ripped the notches hastily trying to undo the belt and open his jeans. Jerry took the time to try to get out of his own jeans, but he only managed to release the pressure on his aching dick before Layne fell over him. They each had a hand down the other’s pants, stroking each other’s dicks as they shared heated kisses.

They wrestled the jeans down past each other’s hips without breaking contact. There was a hard thump as they rolled off the bed onto the floor. Layne sat up, pulled Jerry’s shoes and socks off, and then pulled Jerry’s jeans down his thighs and yanked the stiff material off his legs.

Layne stood up, kicked his shoes off, and pulled his socks off while hopping around, then the jeans ended up in the growing pile on the floor. Their shirts and jacket were already dropped on the floor at the door. There was a string of clothing between the door and the bed.

Jerry sat up and pulled Layne’s boxers down, wrapping his fingers around Layne’s dick, stroking as he sucked on the crown. Layne’s eyes closed and his head fell back as Jerry’s mouth slowly engulfed his dick. His hands buried in the sweaty dark blonde locks. It was a reminder that they needed a shower, but Layne could care less right now.

“Fuck, Jerry, your mouth feels so good,” Layne moaned as he encouraged the guitarist to take him deeper.

Jerry held on to Layne’s hips as he sucked Layne's dick, the hard flesh sliding easily over his tongue. Layne’s words made his own dick even harder as he sucked the crown to the back of his throat.

“God, Jerry, if you suck any harder I’ll cum in your mouth before we even get to fuck,” Layne warned breathlessly.

Jerry sucked up off Layne’s dick and nuzzled along Layne’s balls. Layne watched him through half-closed eyes. As Jerry stroked him, he spoke huskily, “The way you were tonight during _Bleed the Freak_ and _It Ain’t Like That_ , God, Layne.”

“As if you weren’t trying to turn me on with the shirtless guitar solos,” Layne countered. Suddenly, Layne pulled away and walked toward their luggage.

“Where are you going?” Jerry asked heatedly as he tried to snag Layne. He watched the singer rifle through their luggage and came up with some sort of lube they’d picked up in their travels. When Layne turned around and came back to him, Layne’s dick was a throbbing red color.

Layne dropped down on his knees in front of Jerry. He pushed the guitarist back on the floor. Jerry propped himself on his forearms and watched as Layne made use of the lube, liberally spreading it on his fingers, and then Jerry’s head fell back as Layne's mouth surrounded his dick and the lubed fingers teased his puckered hole. Layne was always very attentive this way. As hot as they were for each other, Layne never took him roughly unless he was thoroughly prepared.

Jerry dropped back on to the floor, his fingers buried in Layne’s stiff ringlets. The once slicked-back hair had come loose through the hour and half long set. His hips involuntarily rocked, thrusting up into Layne’s mouth and grinding back on Layne’s fingers. When Jerry shook with the need for release, Layne stopped his ministrations.

“Fuck, Layne, why'd you stop?” Jerry asked, desperately reaching for him.

Layne poured more lube in his hand and stroked his dick before leaning over Jerry and slowly sliding his dick in as deep as he could get. Jerry wrapped an arm around Layne’s neck, pulling him down, groaning into the kiss as he felt Layne slide deeper. Layne hooked his arms under Jerry’s thighs as he started thrusting into the guitarist in steady strokes.

Breaking the kiss, Jerry sucked in a breath, “Fuck, Layne.” His hands roamed over the singer’s chest and shoulders. Layne moved to suck and lick Jerry’s neck, hearing Jerry’s moans as he thrust harder and deeper. Jerry knew this would lead to rug burn on his back. His blunt nails scratched over Layne’s shoulders and down the singer’s back.

“Now I can never take my shirt off on stage,” Layne chuckled near Jerry’s ear.

“Let them all see the marks,” Jerry challenged, tightening his legs against Layne’s hips.

Layne loomed over Jerry, propped up by his hands on either side of Jerry’s head. Where Jerry saw a luminous being that was his best friend and the most awesome singer he had ever heard in his life, Layne saw the one person who kept him grounded when he felt like everything was slipping through his fingers. Jerry was his rock, the one guy who was not afraid to let him know when he was screwing up. Hell, he’d crossed half the world for the man under him. Layne just hoped his actions let Jerry know how much he loved him because he didn’t know how to say it. He didn’t even know the words to express what he felt which was funny considering the number of songs he wrote and co-wrote.

“Layne, I’m going to cum,” Jerry announced. He reached down and stroked his dick until his orgasm hit.

“Yeah, oh yeah,” Layne encouraged as he watched this guitarist’s release. The clenching muscles around Layne were working on his own orgasm. “You’re going to make me cum.”

“Do it,” Jerry breathed as he rocked his hips, feeling the slide of Layne’s dick inside him.

Layne carefully pulled out and stroked his dick, cumming over Jerry’s flat stomach. After he came down from the euphoria, Layne leaned down and licked the cum off Jerry’s stomach and chest before sharing a kiss.

“We need a shower,” Layne laughed between kisses.

“Mmm-hmm,” Jerry agreed.

They lazily made their way to the shower and talked about the coming concert dates as they washed each other off. Layne looked forward to eventually playing in an English-speaking country. There was only so much pointing at a menu item a person could do before it got old.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After finding out there was a decibel limit at the arena they were scheduled to play at in Paris, they cancel the show, citing Layne being under the weather. Instead, Alice In Chains play a show in Tilburg, The Netherlands. The show goes surprisingly well. Layne sings better than he ever did live. Jerry reacts to the positive changes in Layne from tonight's show.

**_Noorderligt, Tilburg, The Netherlands, February 20, 1993_ **

When the tour hit Paris, the crew had discovered the venue had a decibel limit regulating the noise levels. The band was warned when they arrived at the hotel about the problem, but they – minus Layne – went to soundcheck. Layne protested about being stuck in the hotel. When he mentioned visiting Jim Morrison’s grave while they were busy, Jerry immediately nixed that idea because with Layne at the hotel if worse comes to worst, they could say Layne was sick and cancel the show without being sued for breach of contract.

Mike and Sean tested their gear and were told it was already too loud, and that was even before the P.A. system and monitors were even turned on. They looked at each other and left, calling off the show. To make up for the missed show, they did a show in Tilburg, The Netherlands on February 20.

 _Iron Gland_ played over the P.A. system. At the first line of _Dam That River_ , the curtain dropped. It was followed by _We Die Young_ , _Them Bones_ , _Would?_ , _Love Hate Love_ , _Junkhead_ , _Bleed the Freak_ , _Rooster_ , _Put You Down_ , _It Ain’t Like That_ , _Hate to Feel_ , followed by an encore of _Angry Chair_ and _Man in the Box_.

Jerry was salivating even as he played the guitar. Layne had gotten his hair cut before they left France. He had shorter, tighter curls. Jerry was proud of himself that he kept Layne on the straight and narrow the last few days because tonight was the first time in a while that Layne started the show without wearing sunglasses. However, the black leather jacket and jeans look the singer had going on was doing a number on Jerry’s libido. Layne wore a leather vest and light tan shirt underneath – the shirt may as well be a nude color – and the jacket zipped up to mid-chest. Jerry spent most of the time overtly admiring his guitar trying to avoid the distraction at center stage.

Thank God _We Die Young_ was next. It gave Jerry an excuse to headbang without staring at Layne and practically seducing the singer on stage in front of everyone.

When _Them Bones_ hit, sometimes Layne’s voice sounded a little raw so he didn’t shout as loud. But tonight, he belted out those first four “Ahs” as clear as a bell and just as loud as he had in the studio. During the guitar solo, Layne went over behind Jerry to get a drink of water and nudged the guitarist. Jerry glanced over and saw Layne wink before the singer returned to center stage. Layne was actually flirting with him! Jerry returned to shredding the guitar.

After the song, Layne greeted the audience, “Well, hello there! How are you all doing here in Holland? I like your coffee bars.” He laughed and then said, “We’re going to do a song called _Would?_ ” With that, Layne took off the jacket to reveal the black leather vest over the shirt.

During _Love Hate Love_ , Jerry and Layne were back to their silent signals between each other. After the lyric “ _I still love you but I still burn_ ,” Layne sat down in front of the drum riser with his arms folded over his knees, his chin resting on his forearms watching Jerry play the guitar solo. It was like tunnel vision: Sean and Mike’s playing sounded far away as he watched Jerry’s fingers slide over the fretboard and bend the strings to his will.

Layne took the vest off and stood up to the mic in time to groan out the next note. He climbed up on the stage monitors and belted out the screams, and then crouched on the monitors to scream, “ _Love Hate Love_!” He looked over at Jerry for the extended notes and then stood up and yelled the last “ _Love Hate Love_!”

“This song is about a fucked up dude I know,” Layne said by way of introducing, _Junkhead_. When it looked like Jerry was going to add something, Layne stopped him, “I’ve got the floor here, babe.”

When the song was done, Layne started flirting with the crowd, “Hey, you nutty kats and chicks.” He laughed. Jerry smiled from the dark corner of the stage. It was an adorable thing to see Layne light and happy, engaging with the audience like this. “Are you having a good time? Because I can’t tell, you all look like you’re bored out of your minds.” The crowd cheered. “Maybe you should drink some of that Dutch gin.” Someone in the front row reacted negatively to that. Layne chuckled, “Noooo? No good? It did okay for me. You crazy, nutty –” another girl in the front row distracted him and he greeted her with a flirtatious, “Hi!” Jerry threw his head back and laughed at Layne. Layne heard him and bent down to get a drink of water, glancing over at him and winking again. Jerry smiled as he went into the opening riff of _Bleed the Freak_.

“I’m a little sick, so I appreciate you sticking with us. We’re going to play a song called _Rooster_ ,” Layne said.

Jerry played the opening riff and Layne went over to the side of the stage and Randy Biro gave him a cigarette. He was back to center stage in time for the opening harmony. Two minutes into the song, Jerry struck the wrong chord and Layne shot him a look as if to say: _What the fucking hell was that?!_ Layne’s screams had gotten better through the course of the show, but when he went into the first big screams and ‘yeahs’ of the song, Jerry was surprised the rafters didn’t come shattering down around them. Between verses, Layne kept his eyes on Jerry.

While Jerry went into the guitar solo, Layne took a drag on his cigarette as he turned around to the drum riser to flick the ashes in the ashtray. When the next lines came, he still had the cigarette in his hand.

After _Put You Down_ the band immediately went into _It Ain’t Like That_. Layne crawled on top of the stage monitors as he normally did for this song. He stood up and moved closer to Mike, crouching down again. Then he moved back to center stage and balanced on the stage monitors. He stood up and smiled at Jerry going into the guitar solo. He finished the song laughing.

Layne turned around and Randy Biro handed Layne his guitar and pick. Layne instantly started playing and Jerry picked it up playing _Twist of Cain_ by Danzig _._ Layne smiled at Jerry and then turned to the applauding crowd, flexing his muscles. “Yeah!” He went over to the guitarist and played a few chords before going into _Hate to Feel_.

After the song, Layne took the guitar off, handed it back to Randy, and went around the stage collecting his clothes as he followed his bandmates. After a few minutes, Layne and Jerry went back on stage to the crowd still cheering.

“You naughty Holland kats woke me up. I was trying to catch a few winks,” Layne said. Mike and Sean joined them. “You guys didn’t see me fall down did you?” Someone in the front row yelled out a song they’d done earlier. Layne laughed as he took a drink of water. “We already played that you jerk.”

Layne set the water down and Randy handed over his guitar again. The band went into _Angry Chair_. Layne handed the guitar to Randy as the band went _into Man in the Box._

Jerry walked over to Layne, teasing him before going back to his mic. Layne watched him between lyrics and made a motion for Jerry to get back here. When it came time for the call and return of “ _Feed my eyes / Can you sew them shut . . ._ ” Layne and Jerry turned their heads, made eye contact, and sang it to each other while technically still facing the audience.

As they left the venue Jerry came up behind Layne, wrapping an arm around the singer’s chest and tugging him back against his chest. “ _That_ was one of the best shows we’ve had, babe,” Jerry said near his ear.

“If you thought that was good, you should see the after-show,” Layne teased.

“I’d like to go on the record and say that _I_ don’t want to see the after-show,” Sean commented.

Jerry looked at Sean. “Who said you were invited?”

As they checked in at the hotel, the sexually-charged air between Jerry and Layne was palpable at best. All four members got on the elevator together. The compartment was dead silent. Mike had the feeling that if anyone so much as breathed wrong something was going to explode. When they got to their floor, Sean and Mike were assigned to the room next to Jerry and Layne.

“Try not to hit the walls too hard. We don’t need anything crashing on the ground,” Sean said before entering his room.

Jerry dragged Layne to the bathroom and peeled the clothes off Layne’s body. He started the shower and then undressed himself. He pulled Layne into the shower with him. Layne washed his face and goatee while Jerry spent an inordinate amount of time building up soap suds in the singer’s hair.

“I think the directions on the bottle say to rinse and repeat, not do it all at one time,” Layne chuckled. Jerry let him go to rinse and repeated the process.

After Layne’s hair was clean, Jerry scrubbed the singer’s body from neck to foot. He removed the showerhead from its dock and rinsed off the soap, kissing and caressing each newly clean area. He purposely used his soapy hands to stroke Layne’s dick and balls.

There was a molded seat in the corner of the shower stall. Layne tugged Jerry up and had him sit there while he returned the favor, washing Jerry’s hair. In minutes, Layne’s fingers were buried in Jerry’s long, thick hair, soap suds covering both men. Careful to avoid Jerry’s eyes, Layne soaped the rest of Jerry and then used the showerhead to thoroughly wash Jerry off.

Jerry held Layne at the waist, kissing and licking over the flat stomach. Layne slowly dropped the showerhead and it bumped against the shower wall, dangling from the hose attached to the dock. Layne reached down and stroked Jerry’s dick, returning the favor. Jerry looked up at the singer and they shared kisses until they both released against each other. Jerry picked up the showerhead again and rinsed them both off.

Jerry stood up, sharing slow kisses with Layne as he turned them both around to shut the water off. They got out and toweled dry. After getting ready for bed, they climbed on the mattress and beat on the wall in rapid succession together.

“ _Stop that, goddamn it!_ ” Sean yelled through the thin insulation and plaster.

Both Jerry and Layne laughed as they climbed under the covers together.

“You were the happiest tonight than I’ve seen in a while,” Jerry observed sleepily.

Layne shrugged. “The energy from the crowd was amazing. There were so many there but were close enough I could interact with them.”

“One more tour date here and then off to the UK,” Jerry smiled.

“Finally, I can order food in English!” Layne whooped.

“We are definitely keeping your leather jacket,” Jerry commented.

“Liked that, did you?” Layne smirked.

“You’re lucky I didn’t throw you on the floor and fuck you in front of the whole club,” Jerry replied. “If it wasn’t for Sean yelling at us, I’d follow through right now.”

Layne put his finger to lips and moved closer to Jerry. The singer slowly moved to straddle Jerry’s hips as they kissed, their tongues slowly sliding together. Layne wrapped a hand around both of their dicks and stroked them together. Jerry maneuvered a hand down to tease Layne’s ass, slowly working two fingers inside the puckered hole. Layne moaned into the kiss as he rocked his hips between his stroking hand and Jerry’s fingers.

Layne broke the kiss to moan, “Fuck, Jerry.”

The guitarist nuzzled along Layne’s jaw and neck. He rolled Layne on to his back. Reaching for the lube on the nightstand, Jerry spread it on his dick and used the excess on Layne’s hole. Jerry slowly slid deep inside Layne, both groaning.

“You were so hot tonight, babe. You always have a stage presence but the jacket and the way you sang Rooster tonight,” Jerry breathed near Layne’s ear.

“I had to make up for you striking the wrong chord,” Layne chuckled.

“Well, I was completely distracted, trying not to stare at you,” Jerry said.

Jerry sped up his thrusts hearing Layne moan. The singer tightened his thighs against Jerry’s hips. He had to reach up and grab the headboard to keep the frame from smacking the wall and alerting Mike and Sean to what they were doing. The more Jerry thought of tonight’s show and how Layne looked tonight, the harder he fucked into Layne. They thought they were being stealthy until the room filled with the sound of skin slapping together and the moaning that managed to escape no matter how much they tried to hold it in.

Layne couldn’t contain it anymore and cried out as his orgasm hit. Jerry carefully extracted himself and stroked his dick over Layne’s stomach. His release was painted over Layne’s chest and stomach. Jerry leaned down and kissed Layne, slowly pulling away, the kiss breaking with a popping sound. The guitarist went into the bathroom and returned with a warm washcloth. He cleaned himself and Layne free of semen. He disposed of the washcloth in the shower and returned to the bed. They lazily kissed waiting for Sean or Mike to yell through the wall, but nothing happened.

Finally, “ _I know what you were doing!_ ” Mike yelled through the wall.

Jerry and Layne broke into a fit of hysterical laughter, holding their sides.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jerry gets pissed at Layne when he shows up to the February 26th show in London high along with Mark Lanegan, as the Screaming Trees were opening for them. He refuses to speak to Layne and even goes so far as to spend his day off away from Layne which ends up having consequences.

**_London, England, February 26, 1993_ **

After Tilburg, Alice In Chains went on to play the Paradiso in Amsterdam, The Netherlands on February 21, and then moved on to play Rock City with The Wildhearts in Nottingham, UK on February 23. They hit the LKA Longhorn in Stuttgart, Germany on February 24 and then Manchester Academy in Manchester, UK on February 25. On February 26, the band was set to play the Town and Country Club in London, UK. Screaming Trees were opening for them again at the Town and Country Club. This meant that both singers went AWOL. It was getting to the point that Layne was fine until he got around Mark and then they both became unruly children.

As per usual when Mark was around, Layne showed up to the Town and Country Club high, and his hair slicked back. Jerry took one look at Layne from across the stage and returned to tuning his guitar without saying a word. What was there left to say? If Layne wanted to keep doing this to himself, Jerry couldn’t stop him. His last best hope was that Layne showed up to do their set on time and got through it in one piece. Jerry was so pissed. He sent a setlist change to Layne via a stagehand.

 _Iron Gland_ played over the P.A. system. At the first line of _Dam That River_ , the curtain dropped. It was followed by _We Die Young_ , _Them Bones_ , _Would?_ , _Love Hate Love_ , _Junkhead_ , _God Smack_ , _Bleed the Freak_ , _Put You Down_ , _Sickman_ , _Rooster_ , _It Ain’t Like That_ , _Dirt_ , _Hate to Feel_ with an encore of _Angry Chair_ and _Man in the Box_.

Jerry could tell from his side of the stage that Layne’s voice was raspy from the drugs and couldn’t hold the longer notes for too long. Layne’s voice wasn’t as clean and clear as it was in Tilburg and Amsterdam. He tried to ignore it and just kept with his guitar cues.

After _Them Bones_ , Layne greeted the audience, “Well, hello, London. Hello there, govnah.” Jerry played a riff and then went into _Would?_

Jerry could hear Layne practically screaming the words to _Junkhead_ over the music. After the song, Layne made a comment about the sunshine. Jerry went up to the mic. “Sunshine man? This is fucking London, it’s raining.” Layne flipped him off. Jerry laughed it off. “Ouch.” Then he went into _God Smack_.

After _Put You Down_ , Layne greeted the audience with a laugh. “Well, hello again. Hi! We have a friend in the audience with a – with a birthday tonight. Terran, happy birthday!” Sean played his kick-drum. “Everybody say: Happy Birthday!” The crowd noise rose and fell with Sean’s kick-drum. Layne laughed. “Well, there you go. Couldn’t get a better present than that.” Someone in the crowd said something. “What did you say?” They repeated it to which Layne replied, “Okay.” The band played a few innocuous chords and then went into _Sickman_.

Jerry stepped up to the mic. “We’re going to do a song I wrote about my father. It’s called _Rooster_." When Layne screamed the yeahs for the song, they weren’t as loud as they were in The Netherlands.

Layne put on his guitar for _Hate to Feel_ and told the audience, “I’m going to do like a fucking thirty-minute guitar solo. How about that?” The crowd cheered. He broke into a solo for thirty seconds and asked, “Are you impressed?” The crowd cheered. “Good. Good answer.” Layne laughed and then went into _Hate to Feel_. After the song, Layne said, “Thank you very much, London.” The band left the stage.

Sean came out and threw his drumsticks to the crowd. Jerry came out to throw his guitar picks out to the crowd. Layne and Mike leisurely walked back on stage. Jerry stepped up to the mic. “Cheers. You guys have been great.” Mike noodled the theme music to **_Mission_** ** _: Impossible_** on his bass for a minute.

Layne got on the mic. “Damn,” Layne said, genuinely impressed with Mike’s interpretation. “Okay, we’re back and better than ever. We’re Motley Crue.” Then laughed at his own joke.

“Featuring John Corabi on vocals,” Mike added with a smile as Layne took his guitar from Randy Biro.

Layne laughed and tuned his guitar with Jerry’s. He turned to the mic. “I want to say um, I want to say hello to the guy who wrote the review on the show a few weeks back. You’re in London – an enemy.” Layne looked over at Mike and held out an arm towards the bass player. “I want to introduce our bass player, _Mike Inez_ , not Mike Starr, you _fucking_ idiot!” Sean hit his kick-drum. “Fuck that prick! Fuck the press! We’re not playing for the fucking press, all right?” Then the band went into _Angry Chair_. After that song, Layne said, “We’ve got one more song for you. Thank you very fucking much.” He handed the guitar back to Randy and went into _Man in the Box_.

*************************

**_February 27, 1993_ **

The band had a day off between gigs in London. Jerry chose to spend his day off away from Layne. He holed up with Mike Inez running riffs and watching TV.

Layne didn’t notice the guitarist’s absence because he was in his room with Mark and a friend of Lanegan’s named John Hicks. They spent the day relaxing and getting high. It was unseasonably warm in the UK and they had stayed in the cool room together, no commitments or shows, no shady drug dealers to endure. They were free to lie around, nodding off with half an ear to bad British TV shows playing quietly in the background.

Several hours later, Jerry went looking for Layne. He beat on the door of Layne’s hotel room. Mark opened the door. Jerry pushed his way into the room and took in the state of not only the room but its occupants. The whole room looked and smelled like the drug dens back in Seattle. Jerry saw the guy who Mark was passing off as Barrett’s drum tech slouched in a chair. There were syringes and rigs on the small table. Last, but not least, his fucking singer was passed out on the bed.

Jerry ignored everything and went to Layne. He gently slapped Layne on the face. “Layne? Layne!” Layne grumbled in response as Jerry quickly felt for a pulse.

All six-foot-one-and-a-half of pissed off guitarist rounded on Mark who stood at the door with a glazed look in his eyes. Jerry’s long legs ate up the space between him and Mark. He grabbed the singer by his shirt and slammed him back against the wall. “What the fuck did you do to him? What the fuck did he take?”

“Who?” Mark asked dazed. “What?”

“You junkie son of a bitch! Wake up! What did you give to Layne?”

“I-I—” Mark stumbled over his words.

Jerry let him go to walk over, grab Mark’s “drum tech”, haul him past Mark, open the door, and threw him out of the room. The door shut on its own with the force of Jerry’s actions. Then, he came back to Mark. “For someone who claims to be Layne’s best friend and quote-unquote twin brother, you sure have a funny way of showing it. The last thing Layne needs is your so-called friendship.”

“Layne’s more of a junkie than I will ever be,” Mark slurred in his own defense.

“I’ve known Layne a lot longer than you, Lanegan. I know for damn sure, even with his normal drug use, _you_ sure as hell aren’t doing him any favors.”

“What are you? His dad?” Mark laughed. “His dad is a junkie too and he’s just like him.”

“You may not care about going on stage loaded. But, I’m not going to let you fuck up my band, Lanegan. You claim to admire Layne’s singing, and yet, here you are trying to kill the very thing you say you admire. Well, you may admire that voice but that voice belongs to _my_ band, not yours!” Jerry grabbed Mark by the shirt again. “Now, you have three more tour dates opening the shows for us and then I want you off this fucking tour. If I see you around Layne again, I’ll do more than kick your ass up and down the hallways of this hotel.”

With that, Jerry opened the door again and tossed Mark out in the hallway. Mark hit the adjacent wall just as Jerry slammed the door to the room and locked it. Mark beat on the door for several minutes screaming slurred obscenities at Jerry. Jerry ignored him and went about cleaning up the mess. He flushed what he safely could and threw everything else in the trash in the bathroom including the glass that had red residue on the sides of it.

Jerry took a chair from the table and sat down beside the bed. Layne was still passed out. Jerry grabbed the phone and told the hotel operator to put him through to Barrett Martin’s room.

“ _Hello?_ ” Barrett said.

“Are you with the rest of the band?” Jerry asked.

“ _No, but I can get them. What do you need?_ ” Barrett said.

“Don’t get up, man. Just relay a message for me that after March second and the show in Glasgow, we no longer need your services.”

“ _What?_ ” Barrett asked confused. “ _What happened?_ ”

“Mark is what happened. I don’t mind you and the brothers, but Mark has finally gotten on my last nerve. I’m sitting here waiting for Layne to wake up because he and Mark and your _drum tech_ were in here getting high and now Layne’s passed out. So, finish out the tour dates and then I want Mark gone. We’ll find some other bands to fill in when we want them.”

“ _Yeah_ ,” Barrett agreed. “ _I don’t blame you. Mark has gone off the rails_.” 

Jerry assured Barrett that it had nothing to do with the band personally, just their singer. He hung up and waited for Layne to come around.

An hour later, Layne grumbled and turned over chuckling.

“What was that?” Jerry asked.

“The Queen of Sweden drank the bloody water,” Layne mumbled and then laughed in his sleep.

Jerry remembered the red residue in the glass. Knowing Layne, the three of them probably cleaned their rigs in that water and someone drank it.

“Layne? Layne! Did you drink the water?” Jerry asked worriedly.

“No,” Layne said sleepily. “The Queen of Sweden.”

_Who the hell was the Queen of Sweden?_

“Who’s the Queen of Sweden?” Jerry asked.

“The King and Queen of Sweden. Drug dealers from Sweden. Lowlifes followed us here, barged in and she drank it.”

“Sounds like they got what they deserved,” Jerry said not caring about anyone but Layne at that point.

Layne still hadn’t opened his eyes but he was becoming coherent. “What happened?”

“Are you fucking serious?” Jerry asked astonished. “I came back to apologize for how I treated you earlier on stage only to find Mark and his friend high and you passed out. I kicked Lanegan and his buddy out. I’ve been waiting for you to wake up ever since.”

“What? Why?” Layne asked dazed.

“I just told you –”

“No,” Layne cut him off. “Why do you care so much? I’m just a singer. You can find someone better than me. You can sing, Jerry.”

“No, I can harmonize with you but I can’t sing like you. I can’t replace you. You’re one of the best fucking singers I know. I don’t know how many times I have to say it before it sinks into your brain. You’re it for me. I can’t do this without you. I can’t lose you to the drugs, and especially not to Mark. I love you, goddamn it!”

“You love me?” Layne asked.

Jerry leaned on his forearms on the bed. “Yes. I need you back.”

“You never lost me, Jer. I’m still here,” Layne said softly. “Come down here.”

Jerry stood up and lay on the bed beside Layne. He reached up and smoothed Layne’s brow. “Layne, promise me something.”

“What?” Layne asked softly.

“Promise me that you’ll stay away from Mark for the next three tour dates. Then, we’ll be on our again and if we want another opening band, we’ll find new ones,” Jerry said as he caressed down Layne’s jaw.

“I promise,” Layne rolled closer to Jerry’s warmth. “I love you. I’m so—”

“Shh, Layne,” Jerry hushed, lightly pressing his fingers to Layne’s lips. “Don’t say you’re sorry now. I wasn’t looking for ‘sorry’. I’m trying to get you to understand how much you mean to me and to this band. You made me promise to rein you in when it got bad. Tonight was bad babe. It was as close to bad as I want to be.” Jerry knew if Layne kept going down this road, the singer could possibly OD or worse. Jerry didn’t want to control Layne, but if he could curb his behavior like tonight, he’d do it. The TV remained on with the volume low as he spent the rest of the night looking after Layne in between catnaps of his own. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alice In Chains hits Glasgow. Layne finally feels comfortable enough with Mike Inez in the band that when Jerry suggests Inez may go back to Ozzy's band after the tour, Layne says Inez has been a part of AIC for a while now. The possibility of being on Lollapalooza 93 tour comes up.

**_Glasgow, United Kingdom, March 3, 1993_ **

The band played again in London on February 28. They went on to play Manchester Academy in Manchester, United Kingdom with Gruntruck and Screaming Trees opening for them on March 1. So far, Layne had kept to his promise to stay away from Mark. He was actually at soundcheck with the rest of the band. He was still a little buzzed, but Jerry counted his blessings.

Because of having two bands open for them, they cut their set down to a half-hour. The set started with _Them Bones_ , followed by _God Smack_ , _Bleed the Freak_ , _Sickman_ , _It Ain’t Like That_ , _Dirt_ , and _Hate to Feel_.

After _Them Bones_ , Layne greeted the crowd, “Good evening, Manchester!” Then the band went into _God Smack_.

It had gotten to the point where the band was looking forward to going back to the states. Jerry and Layne became inseparable during the last leg of the European tour. Of course, it wasn’t because Jerry was babysitting Layne or anything. Layne was free to go anywhere he pleased . . . just as long as it wasn’t _alone with Mark_ or even _one other person and Mark_.

The band played their last show at the Barrowlands with the Screaming Trees opening for them on March 2. On March 3, they had a band named Cell open for them at the Barrowlands.

 _Iron Gland_ played over the P.A. system. At the first line of _Dam That River_ , the curtain dropped. It was followed by _We Die Young_ , _Them Bones_ , _Would?_ , _Love Hate Love_ , _Junkhead_ , _God Smack_ , _Bleed the Freak_ , _Put You Down_ , _Sickman_ , _Rooster_ , _It Ain’t Like That_ , _Dirt_ , _Hate to Feel_ with an encore of _Angry Chair_ and _Man in the Box_.

The time away from Mark had a remarkable difference in Layne’s voice. It was back to the way it was in the Netherlands. After _Them Bones_ , Layne greeted the crowd, “Good evening, Glasgow! How are you doing?” The wall of cheers blew Layne away. “Jeezus Chriiist.” Then he said, “We’re Alice In Chains and this song is called _Would?_ ”

After the song, Layne turned to Jerry, “Do you have a favorite song?”

“Yeah, this song called _Rooster_ ,” Jerry replied as he went into the opening riff.

Layne hit some insanely high notes during _Junkhead_ that it even impressed Jerry and he’d heard Layne sing the song for nearly two years now.

After the show, Jerry, Sean, and Mike crowded around Layne on the way out the door of the venue.

“That was awesome, man!” Sean exclaimed.

“We should have a show like that every night!” Mike agreed, he gave Layne a quick hug before he jogged ahead to catch up with Sean.

Jerry wrapped an arm around Layne’s shoulders and smiled down at him. “You hit some insanely high notes tonight, babe. You can _almost_ give Whitney Houston a run for her money!”

“No one can hit notes _that_ high,” Layne's cheeks became a deep crimson color. “Well, maybe Rob Halford. I just wanted to prove I could do it.”

“Well, I’m damn impressed and I’ve been listening to you sing those songs for two years now,” Jerry smiled kissing Layne’s temple as they walked behind their bandmates. He felt Layne’s arm come up around his waist and then a light squeeze as Layne hugged him. “So, when we’re done with Belfast, do you want to swing back around and hit Paris again?”

“There was a decibel limit remember? Even without the amps, we were loud,” Layne pointed out.

“I didn’t mean to play at a venue. I meant a small vacation before we head back to the states,” Jerry said.

Layne chuckled. “Can you imagine us in swim trunks on the Riviera? People would have to wear sunglasses because our skin is so white.” He smiled up at Jerry. “I love that you thought of a vacation, but I just want to finish this leg of the tour and get back on American soil where I can just yell out my meal choice in English.”

Jerry smiled in understanding and followed their bandmates to the car that would take them to the nearest hotel.

*************************

Layne kissed and licked over Jerry’s chest, moving down the rib cage and flat stomach. Jerry felt the bed dip between his legs and Layne shifted to nuzzle along the outline in his underwear. He shivered when he felt Layne’s tongue along the vee of his thigh and pelvis. Jerry looked down to see Layne grab the waistband of his underwear with his teeth and tug it down teasingly before releasing it to snap back in place.

Jerry reached down, one hand caressing Layne’s arm while the fingers of the other hand buried in Layne’s curls. Layne slid his hands up Jerry’s torso to his chest. Jerry released the hold on Layne’s curls to skim over Layne’s arms. Layne kissed and licked his way up Jerry’s stomach. Jerry’s hands caressed over Layne’s shoulders and the back of Layne’s neck, fingers buried in the curls as Layne moved up and buried his face in the curve of Jerry’s neck.

Layne ground his hips against Jerry. Jerry hugged Layne close, his blunt nails skimming Layne’s back, and then reached down to grab Layne’s ass and rocking his hips against Layne, their dicks rubbing against each other. Layne leaned up and looked at Jerry to see if he really wanted this. Jerry pulled him closer by the back of his neck and kissed him, his other hand on Layne’s hip, grinding up against the singer.

Layne reached down inside Jerry’s underwear and wrapped his fingers around his dick, stroking the length, his thumb circling the tip. Jerry moaned into the kiss. He returned the favor, wrapping his fingers around Layne’s dick.

Jerry broke the kiss. “Layne?”

Layne pressed a finger to Jerry’s lips and kissed him, slipping his tongue inside to caress over Jerry’s tongue as he stroked Jerry faster. Jerry matched Layne stroke for stroke. They shared the air as one breathed out and the other breathed in. Finally, the dam burst and painted Jerry’s stomach, some splashing on Layne.

Jerry lay there and came down from his orgasm as Layne shakily left the bed and returned with a warm, wet washcloth to clean up Jerry and himself. Jerry felt him leave again to dispose of the washcloth and return.

Jerry pulled Layne closer when he got back in bed. “Do you want to tell me what that was about?”

Layne shrugged. “I didn’t think guys needed an excuse for being horny.”

Jerry smiled in the darkness. “And the no talking?”

“Didn’t want the added distraction,” Layne replied as if it were obvious.

Jerry pressed his lips to the top of Layne’s hair. “We’ll be back in the states soon. Maybe do a small club tour thing, like the old days.”

“Lollapalooza is starting soon,” Layne commented.

“We’ll see how it goes when we get back to the states. Mike may want to go back to Ozzy,” Jerry said.

Then Layne said something that surprised him. “Mike’s been a part of this band since we played the Town and Country in London. Well, before that, after that reporter wrote about one of the shows and mistook him for Starr. Mike’s one of us now.”

Jerry smiled. He never thought Layne would fully accept someone in Starr’s place. “Poor Ozzy, he keeps losing band members to other bands.”

“Eh, I don’t think Wylde would ever fully leave Ozzy,” Layne shrugged.

“Well, we’ll see if Mike wants to do some club dates back home then and go from there,” Jerry agreed.


	10. Chapter 10 - How it Started (Flashback Chapter)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For blue, who asked for a flashback chapter to when their relationship started. Chapter starts in August 1989 and shows several instances through the end of the Clash of the Titans tour on July 14, 1991
> 
> In the beginning they had fallen into a pattern of Jerry fucking Layne after shows, but ever since the Clash of the Titans tour where the Slayer fans were pissing them off, Layne would grab Jerry after the show, drag him somewhere secluded and fuck the hell out of him against a wall. It was always down and dirty like Layne couldn’t fuck the aggression out hard enough.
> 
> ***WARNING THIS CHAPTER HAS LANGUAGE THAT WOULD BE CONSIDERED POLITICALLY INCORRECT BY TODAY'S STANDARDS BUT NOT SO MUCH BACK IN 1991 -- YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED*** (IF YOU REMEMBER THE TRIAL BY FIRE THAT ALICE IN CHAINS HAD TO DEAL WITH DURING THE CLASH OF THE TITANS TOUR, THEN YOU PROBABLY KNOW WHAT I MEAN)

**_Seattle, Washington, August 7, 1989_ **

When the band first started, they used Jerry’s old band name of Diamond Lie for a few gigs, but even he didn’t like that and they changed the name to Alice In Chains after Layne asked his old band if he could use a version of the name Alice N’ Chains. Jerry spent most of the time booking gigs – _any_ gig – for the band they could get around the Seattle-Tacoma area. Anything from birthday parties to bar mitzvahs. If the check cleared, it was a gig.

Jerry scored a gig at the Mural Amphitheatre. Nowadays they didn’t have to rely on covers so much anymore. The band was working on songs and had an album’s worth of music to play live. They could easily do almost an hour on stage. The set started with _Real Thing_ , _Killing Yourself_ , _Sea_ _of Sorrow_ , _We Die Young_ , _Sunshine_ , _Queen of the Rodeo_ , _I Can’t Remember_ , _Bleed the Freak_ , _Fairy Tale Love Story_ , _I Can’t Have You Blues_ , _Suffragette_ _City_ , and _Social Parasite_.

They played _Real Thing_ and Layne saw a few heads bobbing to the beat, but no one in the audience was pumped. They just stared at the band while the guys rocked out to their own music. At least in the clubs, the audience interacted with the band and you could tell they were having a good time.

During _Killing Yourself_ , there were a few people dancing to the beat. At the end, the audience clapped, so that was something. 

“Quite a fine evening, I must say,” Layne commented before Jerry went into _Sea_ _of Sorrow_. Jerry met Layne in the middle of the stage to share the mic on a few lines throughout the song before going back to his own mic. It was the first spark Jerry felt with Layne. They were on stage together singing from the same mic. Layne was singing a song they wrote and the electricity between them was magnetic. Jerry went back to his own mic wondering if Layne felt it too.

When Jerry saw Layne singing with his old band, all he saw was a blue-eyed boy with a voice he _needed_ to be in a band with. Now that he was in a band with him, the feeling didn’t go away. The more songs they wrote together, seeing the way Layne came up with lyrics and harmonies, Jerry found something new every day that attracted him to Layne.

“It’s frigging hot out,” Layne laughed. “I have to say ‘frigging’ because they won’t let me swear. Wait until we’re closer to the end of our set. Can’t let down the die-hards I guess, huh? I got to say I didn’t expect such a turnout. It’s kinda disappointing. I expected a few hundred more.”

“Shut up,” Jerry laughed.

“Quiet now,” Layne said as if he had been chastised. He saw a girl keenly interested in their show that was bouncing around. “Arrest that girl,” Layne laughed as Jerry went into _We Die Young_.

During _Sunshine_ , Jerry moved to the middle of the stage and stood close to Layne. He glanced up and saw Layne watching him as he sang Jerry’s lyrics to him. He stayed at center stage for the guitar solo and then went back to his own mic. There was definitely _something_ there and he couldn’t be the only one feeling it.

“I’ve just been informed they’ve turned the sprinkler system on. You guys back there might want to come up front,” Layne said, trying to get the audience more engaged.

When no one moved, Jerry suggested, “Try another one.”

“I _tried_!” Layne replied. “Who wants a cymbal off Sean’s kit? Come on, five bucks! Five bucks! We need beer after this. We’re censored here so if you can help us with the next one, sing along.” Then Jerry went into _Queen of the Rodeo_. Once the riff was played, there were loud cheers in the audience. Layne had to continually apologize for _not_ saying the lines he couldn’t say.

Layne sang _I Can’t Remember_ from the floor of the stage until the end of the song when he stood up.

Someone had thrown a t-shirt on stage and Jerry held it up before tossing it away and starting _Bleed the Freak_.

They did finish the set with the _uncensored_ version of _Social Parasite_.

Since one of the stagehands offered to buy beer, the band went to the nearest bar. They ended up at the Central Tavern. Starr and Sean were trying to match each other drink for drink. Another Seattle band was playing on the stage that night. Jerry and Layne were watching them.

“My big dream is for our band to sell out this place,” Jerry yelled over the music.

“Really?” Layne yelled back. He looked around. For being a bar, it was a pretty good size and there was a full crowd, but not to capacity. “Well, maybe we can nix that dream off your bucket list one day.”

Jerry gave him a brilliant smile. 

Layne put his beer bottle down and walked away. Jerry snagged his sleeve. “Where are you off to?” Layne gestured toward the neon sign that led the way to the bathrooms.

When Layne didn’t return for a while, Jerry glanced over at Starr and Sean. They were watching the stage. Jerry abandoned his beer bottle and made his way through the crowd to the bathrooms. The door to the men’s room opened and the person walking out maneuvered around him as he stepped inside. There were a handful of guys in the room. There was a line of urinals and two stalls. The handicapped stall was open, but the other one was closed and there was no Layne visible.

“Anyone seen Layne?” Jerry asked. No one said anything one way or the other.

Suddenly the stall door behind him opened up and someone grabbed the back of his jacket, pulled him inside the stall, and shut the door. Being jerked back caused Jerry to spin a bit and hit the wall.

“Why are you locked in here?” Jerry asked.

“Needed time to think,” Layne replied.

Jerry’s brow furrowed, “About what?”

“Didn’t you feel it on stage today?” Layne asked softly.

“Yes.” Jerry stepped into Layne’s personal space, crowding Layne against the opposite wall. He watched the singer’s face for any indication that he would stop him. Layne’s eyes were a little glazed, but he was coherent. When the singer didn’t move, Jerry leaned closer and kissed him.

When Jerry didn’t meet resistance, he pressed the length of his body against Layne. His tongue slipped inside Layne’s mouth, exploring its depths as Layne moaned. Jerry felt Layne’s hands slide up inside the back of his jacket. The heat of Layne’s touch seared through his shirt. Layne was grinding against him. Jerry took pity on the singer. He broke the kiss and reached down into Layne’s plaid shorts, stroking Layne’s dick.

“Oh, God,” Layne said a little loud.

Jerry’s other hand immediately came up and covered Layne’s mouth. The restroom was still full of people and the door constantly opened and closed. The last thing he needed was for a room full of guys listening in on what they were doing. Lust-glazed blue eyes watched him as he continued to work Layne to orgasm. He felt Layne work on opening his belt and jeans. Jerry’s eyes rolled back in his head when he felt Layne’s hand around his dick.

Up until the night he saw Layne on stage at the Tacoma Little Theater, Jerry could have sworn he was straight. He had no problem admiring women. Jerry wondered if he could still be straight except for one instance. In this case, it was Layne. He loved Courtney but this was different. Tingles of electricity traveled down his spine when he heard Layne sing his lyrics. Jerry removed his hand from Layne’s mouth. Layne barely got a breath before Jerry kissed him, moaning into the kiss and he ground his hips against Layne as Layne stroked him.

Jerry stroked Layne faster until the singer jerked against him and then he felt hot fluid on his hand and fingers. The knowledge that Layne just fell apart because of his touch triggered Jerry’s release. He watched through lust-glazed eyes as Layne licked his fingers and hand clean. Jerry kissed him, his tongue licking the residue off Layne’s lips.

After cleaning themselves up and adjusting their clothes, Layne stepped out of the stall first. Jerry flushed the toilet and left the stall. They washed their hands at the sink. People were walking around them oblivious to what transpired as they shared knowing smirks in the mirror and then left the bathroom.

*************************

**_Seattle, Washington, September 22, 1989_ **

For a month now, Jerry and Layne have been having a secret tryst. Sure they shared a room at the Music Bank, but they acted normal “at home.” They both had girlfriends and for all outward appearances, they were just two friends who hung out together. One wasn’t seen without the other in the general vicinity. So it wasn’t obvious there was anything going on between them. Not even to Starr and Sean. They never _planned_ anything in advance. It was more exciting after the show when the blood was pumping from the adrenaline. They never spoke about it. It was all very spontaneous. Things were getting more and more heated each time. They were starting to do more than mutual handjobs. They’ve graduated to sucking each other off in the bathroom stalls and closets of the venues.

The day had finally come. Jerry was getting his wish of selling out the Central Tavern. The setlist was around fifteen songs. The set started with a few new songs Jerry and Layne wrote. The set began with _Man in the Box_ , followed by _Real Thing_ , _Killing Yourself_ , _I Can’t Remember_ , _We Die Young_ , _Sunshine_ , _Queen of the Rodeo_ , _Social Parasite_ , _Put You Down_ , _Love Hate Love_ , _Sea_ _of Sorrow_ , _Suffragette_ _City_ , and _I Can’t Have You Blues_.

After _I Can’t Remember_ , Layne told the crowd, “You’re still the fucking best, Seattle.” The audience cheered.

“It’s hot in here,” Jerry said as he removed his shirt and got a bunch of catcalls from the audience, “ _Jerry_! _Jerry_! _Jerry_!”

Addressing the owner of the bar, Layne said, “After we’re done do I need to go home and shower and then come back for a drink?” While Jerry tuned his guitar, Layne entertained the crowd with, “All right, if Helen Keller was alone in the forest and fell down would she make a noise?” Before he got an answer, the band went into _We Die Young_.

During _Sunshine_ , an audience member was being a nuisance. Between verses, Layne said, “Quit interrupting my fucking show. Get the fuck out of here!” At the end of the song, Layne addressed the person again, “If you don’t fucking mellow out. I’m going to kick you in the head.”

“We appreciate you guys getting out, but we don’t want anyone to get hurt,” Jerry added.

By way of introducing _Queen of the Rodeo_ , Layne said, “All right. This one _again_.”

Once the first punk rock guitar solo started, so did the stage diving from audience members. The same thing happened with the second punk rock guitar solo in the song. Layne just stayed back by the drums so the stage divers didn’t run into him.

After _Social Parasite_ , Layne said, “Thank you. Thank you. So, I hope more than a handful of you would like to buy me a beer afterward.”

“Goddamn, it’s fucking hot in here!” Jerry said.

“No shit,” Layne agreed. Someone in the audience yelled, “ _Fuck you!_ ” Layne yelled back, “No! Fuck you!” Then, the band went in to _Put You Down_. After the song, Jerry wiped the sweat off and then went over to Layne who was still talking to the audience, and wiped the sweat off his face before he tossed the towel in the dark corner.

During _Love Hate Love_ , Jerry wandered over to Starr and they talked to each other about what Layne assumed was his current rendition of the song. Layne heard his name and without breaking, he looked over to them. Jerry smiled sweetly and patted his chest as he walked back to his side of the stage. Still singing, Layne turned his head and eyed Jerry suspiciously.

After headbanging to _Sea of Sorrow_ , Jerry said, “I’m going to fucking pass out. I know one thing’s for sure: as soon as I’m done here, I’ll take a beer, a lot of fucking beer.”

“I managed to bloody my own lip tonight real good,” Layne commented. Then, Jerry went into _Suffragette_ _City_.

The band broke into a Faster Pussycat song but soon enough Layne cut that off. Under the roar of the crowd, Layne heard Jerry near his ear, “We can do _I Can’t Have You Blues_.”

“Okay,” Layne agreed, sang the first line of the song and the band chimed in.

The guys were at the bar drinking. Sean and Starr were deep in a conversation involving Starr’s sister, Melinda, who Sean was dating. Jerry downed three beers, fulfilling the earlier statement of needing a lot of beer. He tapped Layne on the shoulder. When the singer looked over at him, Jerry gestured towards the restrooms. They glanced over at Sean and Starr who were still huddled together and then got up and weaved through the crowd to the bathroom. A few patrons commented on how good their set was as they passed, Jerry nodded to them but didn’t stop to talk.

Once they got inside the bathroom, Jerry had Layne up against the wall, pulling his pants down past his hips. “How close are you to cumming?”

“Close,” Layne replied. Suddenly Jerry vanished. Layne looked down to see his dick slowly disappear into Jerry’s mouth. Layne almost cracked his head when it fell back against the wall. It took only a few minutes of feeling Jerry’s tongue against his dick before his knees nearly buckled with the force of the orgasm, luckily Jerry’s hands on his hips held him up. Suddenly, Jerry was back in his line of vision. 

“What about you?” Layne asked as he watched Jerry lick his lips clean.

“I came in my jeans when you were singing _Love Hate Love_ earlier,” Jerry revealed as he stood up.

“ _That’s_ what you and Mike were talking about?” Layne’s hazy mind was piecing it together that Jerry came to his voice on stage in front of a packed tavern.

“Yeah,” Jerry said as he pulled Layne’s jeans up and fastened them. “Of course, he thinks it was because of some girl in the front row. Now, let’s get out of here before someone comes in here and I can get home and change my clothes.”

*************************

**_Seattle, Washington, February 1, 1991_ **

Layne and Jerry seemed to be closer than ever, not just in friendship, but closer on stage. They were hanging all over each other now. First, they were singing from the same microphone, and then Layne was invading his space, back to back while Layne sang the songs, and then he was wrapping an arm around Jerry’s shoulders and singing, and then he’d go over to Starr and sing with him. It wasn’t any type of “oh, my god, I’m gay for my guitarist now” way. Layne had become really comfortable on stage with his bandmates and it didn’t bother him how many were in the audience to witness it. Jerry was extremely thrilled by the display. The audience was completely oblivious to Layne and Jerry teasing each other on stage. To the crowd, it was just two bandmates that had a connection. Jerry on the other hand could sense how turned on Layne was by the way he draped himself over Jerry so he could feel the bulge in his pants and see the gleam in his eye. As far they both knew no one else had caught on or if they had, no one said anything.

The band was playing the Off Ramp in Seattle. The setlist included _Real Thing_ , _Confusion_ , _Bleed the Freak_ , _It Ain’t Like That_ , _Sea of Sorrow_ , _I Can’t Remember_ , _We Die Young_ , _Sunshine_ , two new unrecorded songs: one co-written by Layne and Jerry called _Dirt_ and the other Jerry wrote about his father’s time in Vietnam called _Rooster_ and then the set finished with _Queen of the Rodeo_.

Layne had come out onstage in a spaghetti-strap top, girdle, and shorts. He claimed he had a ruptured disc. His hair was now in braids and he sported a full goatee.

“How are you?” Layne asked and the crowd cheered. So many people were in the venue that he commented mockingly, “There’s a lot more room on stage if any of you are cramped. Help yourself. If you guys want to jam, just grab a guitar.” An audience member asked for a beer. “Yeah, can we have a beer, please? Good question. What do I look like, the beer vendor?” He then followed the band into _Confusion_.

At the end of _It Ain’t Like That_ , there was a little technical difficulty. Starr pulled Layne aside and whispered something. Layne repeated out loud, “Music to scale fish by. I like that one.” Layne noticed how close the audience was to the stage. “Uh, guys. You can jump around, just don’t touch my rupture. It’s still healing.” Then the band went into _Sea_ _of Sorrow_.

At the beginning of _I Can’t Remember_ , Layne requested, “Hey someone bring me a beer.” He stuck his tongue out. With the braids and goatee that image was a little evil. He took the spaghetti-strap top off, revealing the girdle and shorts.

“Alice In Chains!” the promoter yelled into the mic after the technical issue was fixed.

“I owe you twenty bucks for that. Don’t let me forget,” Layne joked as the promoter left the stage. The band went into _We Die Young_. He went over behind Jerry and practically yelled near his ear, “ _Then you got hit and you should have known better_.” Jerry grinned at Layne over his shoulder and Layne went across the stage to Starr. “ _And we die young_.”

After _Sunshine_ , Layne handed Sean a beer and the audience was still crowding the stage. Layne commented sardonically, “Hey guys, there’s like seven or eight more feet. Why don’t you all just cruise up here?” He turned to Jerry. “Do you have an extra guitar? Maybe someone could jam or something. Okay, we’re going to do a song that’s not recorded, not on an album. This song is called _Dirt_.”

After the song, the audience was practically on stage with them. Layne was getting irritated. “Hey guys, grab the instruments. It’s your band now. Guys, give me at least three and a half feet. I need a little me space, a little me time, buddy. All right, this is another unrecorded song. I hope you fucking hate it. It’s called _Rooster_. Hey, you guys, get the fuck off the stage! The people behind you can’t see!”

After _Rooster_ , Layne said, “We got one more and then you can fuck off.” A friend in the audience commented on the girdle. “Thanks, Boyd. Does that mean I have a date tonight? Hey, Demri,” addressing his girlfriend in the audience, “I’m going home with Boyd. That’s it, I’m in love. Can we have four Budweisers and a new dress for me? This one’s not tight enough.” Someone in the audience asked what he was wearing. “It’s a girdle. All right, this song’s called _Queen of the Rodeo_.”

Later that night, Jerry and Layne were back in Layne’s room since it had a normal mattress and not Jerry’s waterbed. Layne was stripped down to his boxers and lay on his stomach on the bed. Jerry was straddled over his back giving him a massage, being careful of the ruptured disc.

“Smooth move during _Queen of the Rodeo_ , stage diving into the audience like that. You could have done more damage, babe,” Jerry commented.

“It seemed like the thing to do, so I went with it,” Layne replied. Then he groaned, “Oh Gawd,” when Jerry worked another kink out of his back.

Jim mentally put a star in the plus column when Layne didn’t say anything about the endearment. He continued to press his luck. “I thought you told Demri you were staying with Boyd tonight.”

Layne scoffed. “I’m obviously _not_ staying there. I’m here. Boyd’s good to drink with and all. But, no.” Jerry smiled knowing that Layne chose to be with him. “Besides, I thought you told Courtney you were going to that party with Sean.”

Jerry smirked down at Layne’s back. “I’m obviously _not_ there. I’m here,” mimicking Layne’s words.

Jerry slid off Layne’s body and lay beside the singer. Layne opened one eye and looked over at Jerry. “What are you thinking about?”

Jerry raised a brow. “Well, Mike went with Sean to that party. We got the house to ourselves for a few hours . . . .”

Layne shifted closer to Jerry and Jerry met him in a kiss. He felt Layne react as if there was an electric charge between them. Jerry pulled Layne on top of him, careful of Layne’s injury. Jerry caressed up and down along Layne’s back. He nipped teasingly at the parted lips. He hugged Layne tight against him before caressing Layne’s jaw. He smirked as he tugged lightly on the full goatee. When Layne returned the smirk, he really did look like one of those cartoon devils.

Layne slipped his hands up the back of Jerry’s shirt, skimming blunt nails along the skin.  
  
Jerry groaned when Layne ground their erections together. Layne reached down between them and opened Jerry’s worn jeans. Jerry had a hand buried in Layne’s braids, holding him in place as he continued to kiss the singer, sucking gently on the full bottom lip.  
  
As Layne kissed along his jawline to his neck, Jerry turned his head to give Layne better access before sealing his mouth over Jerry’s again. Layne’s hand was busy wrapped around both of their dicks by now. Jerry had one hand in Layne’s braids, the other teasing a nipple as his tongue explored Layne’s mouth. Jerry broke the kiss with a moan and looked down between them for a second to see Layne’s hand sliding up, rolling over the crown, and back down again.  
  
They broke apart only long enough to get rid of Jerry’s shirt and toss it on the floor then resumed kissing, bruising each other’s lips as Jerry carefully rolled Layne on to his back. He broke the kiss in order to move lower and tease a hard nipple with his mouth and tongue for a second, looking up to see Layne bite back a moan. An insatiable need to taste the singer’s lips caused him to abandon that task and kiss Layne.  
  
Layne maneuvered Jerry onto his back again. He removed his boxers and threw them over the side of the bed. Then he worked until he had Jerry’s jeans completely off. Layne straddled Jerry’s hips and as if Jerry read his mind, the guitarist handed over the lube. Layne took it and poured some in his hand, stroking Jerry’s dick until the length was covered, and then reached back and used the excess on himself. He sat up and slowly slid down the length of Jerry’s dick. Jerry’s eyes were screwed shut as he felt Layne’s body take him in. He was trying not to cum. He hoped he lasted longer than a teenager.

“Open your eyes,” Layne said quietly.

Jerry opened his eyes and was met with Layne’s blue orbs. Layne moved up and down on Jerry’s dick, his eyes never leaving Jerry’s. Jerry grabbed Layne’s hips and started bucking up into Layne, meeting him so that Layne lightly bounced, but it didn’t put any strain on the rupture.

“Are you okay?” Jerry’s voice was low and raspy.

“Yeah,” Layne assured him and then bounced a little faster.

“Too bad your back is sore because right now, I’d love to throw you down and fuck you into the mattress,” Jerry confessed.

“In theory, we could do that, just not in your waterbed. There’s a reason you have the ground-floor bedroom . . . who knows if that thing will leak, especially once we were done with it,” Layne smiled.

“Layne, if you keep squeezing around me like that, I’ll come inside you,” Jerry warned.

“I know,” Layne said.

Jerry’s eyes widened at the realization that Layne accepted they were in an unspoken relationship of sorts. Jerry had already come around to that knowledge.

“Jerry, you with me?” Layne asked when it seemed like Jerry’s mind was elsewhere.

“Yeah, going to cum,” Jerry announced.

Layne stroked his dick faster until he came on Jerry’s stomach. Layne’s orgasm triggered Jerry’s release deep inside him.

Layne carefully extracted himself from Jerry and went to the bathroom. He returned with a washcloth. Having cleaned himself up in the bathroom, he proceeded to clean the semen off of Jerry’s stomach and flaccid dick. He tossed the washcloth in the pile of dirty clothes and settled down on the bed beside Jerry.

Jerry stared at the ceiling long after Layne fell asleep. Whatever this was between him and Layne, it seemed like a natural thing similar to breathing or eating. It was a part of their life. Their friendship nourished the _relationship_ part. The sex was just an added bonus. But it didn’t feel awkward afterward. Besides, they still had Courtney and Demri and kept up the appropriate appearances in public. It was just how they were. One day, maybe, they’ll let Sean and Starr know, but for now, they were good with this. 

*************************

**_Costa Mesa, California, May 25, 1991_ **

After a few concerts with a plethora of different bands, Alice In Chains joined Megadeth in Europe for the Oxidation of Nations tour. When they got back to the states, they were part of the Clash of the Titans tour, starting with Megadeth and The Almighty and then later Megadeth, Slayer, and Anthrax. The whole time, Dave Mustaine kept screwing with the guys in Alice In Chains, it wasn’t too bad until Slayer and Anthrax were added to the bill. Once the rabid Slayer fans started hazing Alice In Chains, then Dave Mustaine piled on twice as much.

Because they didn’t want the added headache, Jerry and Layne had to be even more careful of their relationship with Megadeth around in Europe and the states. They were so careful that they barely interacted on stage in Lubbock, Texas. Layne stayed center stage and the few times he did venture to Jerry’s side, he barely brushed past him.

Now they were in Costa Mesa, California at the Pacific Amphitheater. The setlist included _Would?_ , _Real Thing_ , _Put You Down_ , _We Die Young_ , _Bleed the Freak_ , _It Ain’t Like That_ , and _Man in the Box_.

Alice In Chains went on stage so early it was still broad daylight at the outdoor venue. From _Would?_ through _Put You Down_ , Layne and Jerry kept to their respective spots on the stage. After _Put You Down_ , the sparse crowd applauded. “Thanks a lot,” Layne told the crowd, then joked, “How are all three of you doing? This next song was our first single off our album Facelift. The song is entitled _We Die Young_."

After the show, Layne stormed off stage. Jerry handed his guitar to Randy Biro and jogged to catch up with him. “What’s wrong? I thought it was a pretty good show. They didn’t pelt us with debris, so that’s a win.”

Layne rounded on Jerry and angrily snapped, “Why the fuck did we sign on to this tour? Between the Slayer fans and Mustaine thinking he’s being funny when he’s really not. Now, we’re opening to these fucks in _broad daylight_ with _maybe_ thirty people in the audience? What the fuck? When did we go from selling out the Central Tavern every time we go there with people holding the doors open because the line to get in is so long to this?! I fucking hate stadiums!”

“Layne, it’s fine,” Jerry smiled, hoping to cheer up the singer. “So, we have to build our fanbase up on a bigger scale. It took us nearly three years to conquer Seattle and Tacoma. Our album has been out for a year and –”

“And that audience sat there and acted like none of them have ever heard of us,” Layne finished.

“Well, yeah, I doubt thrash metal fans ever listened to grunge music,” Jerry commented.

“We may have come out of Seattle at the same time, but we made damn sure that this band could hold up with any other hard rock and metal band out there so that we can do tours with whoever we wanted. _We did that!_ ” Layne was practically yelling.

“I know,” Jerry agreed. “Layne, calm down.” Layne grabbed Jerry’s wrist and dragged him to the nearest alcove he could find. “Hey, where are we going?”

“I’m sick and fucking tired of the equivocating,” Layne started to say.

“Equivocating?” Jerry echoed, surprised Layne knew the word.

“I read damn it. Stop changing the subject. I’m sick of _avoiding_ this. We barely even speak on stage let alone do what we normally do. We’ve been depriving ourselves ever since we toured Europe with Megadeth in case _anyone_ ever found out. Well, fuck that.” Layne yanked Jerry into a locker room and then into the coach’s office, slamming the door shut and locking it. Jerry looked a little mystified.

“What are you waiting for? Start stripping. We don’t have long before someone comes looking for us,” Layne said as he started opening his shorts.

“We don’t have any lube,” Jerry protested as he opened his own jeans.

“Details,” Layne said as he pulled Jerry over to the desk and moved behind him. Layne spit on his hand and stroked his dick, repeating the process numerous times until his dick was slick. Layne’s hand appeared in front of Jerry’s face. “Here.”

Jerry sucked on the fingers until they were dripping and Layne used that to open Jerry’s asshole as gentle as he could with what precious time they had. Layne lined up his dick and slowly sank into Jerry’s ass. He closed his eyes at the heat surrounding his dick.

“Fuck, Layne,” Jerry moaned as his head fell forward, his blonde hair a curtain around him. He bent over the desk, resting on his forearms. He felt Layne’s hands caress over his back even as his thrusting was hard and deep with jerky movements.

“Sorry if this hurts, babe,” Layne apologized softly.

“It’s fine,” Jerry said and then saw stars when Layne changed the angle a bit and hit his prostate. “Fuck!”

Layne grabbed Jerry’s hips and thrust in hard and fast. The sound of flesh hitting flesh filled the small room. Jerry reached down and stroked himself, rocking back on Layne’s dick. Jerry knew he was the one that started this, but damn Layne felt so good inside him. It was just the right amount of force without being painful. Jerry was afraid of the worst-case scenario before. Jerry fucked back on to Layne’s dick, meeting the singer’s thrusts with some aggression of his own. Jerry’s forehead rested on his forearm, breathing heavily, “God, Layne . . . fuck.”

“I hope you’re close because I’m about to fucking lose it here,” Layne announced. Jerry stood up and pulled away carefully. “What? What’s up?”

Jerry pushed Layne back to sit in the chair and then straddled him and watched Layne’s blue eyes slide close as he moaned when Jerry slid down over his dick again. Layne grabbed Jerry’s hips and started bucking up into him until Jerry came over his chest and stomach. The clenching muscles around Layne’s already sensitive dick worked Layne’s orgasm out of him. Jerry leaned forward and kissed Layne, his long blonde hair creating a cocoon around them.

Jerry pulled back and smiled. “That was awesome.”

“God, I needed that. This whole tour is pissing me off,” Layne said as his head hit the back of the chair.

Jerry slowly pulled off him and grabbed a towel. He wiped himself and Layne down before throwing the towel in a hamper in the corner. “We better get out of here before we get caught.”

They both got dressed and left the locker room in search of Starr and Sean.

**************************

**_Weedsport_ ** **_, New York_ ** **_, July 4, 1991_ **

Ever since Costa Mesa, Layne was the instigator in their relationship. When they played the Pine Knob Music Theater in Clarkston, Michigan, Layne was finally relaxed enough to say that it was cold there and ask the women if they brought their muffs to keep warm. Layne and Jerry were still careful about when and where they were fucking, but at least on stage, they were back to their antics even while they had to deal with the Slayer fans.

When they played the Mercer Arena in Seattle on May 30, they found out the hard way that Dave Mustaine knew about their glam band days. It wasn’t that they were ashamed of their past. The fans in Seattle knew their early history. But, some dumbass music reporter told Dave Mustaine about their history and handed over a picture of what Layne’s band looked like then. Mustaine thought it would be funny to wallpaper the walls of the venue with the picture. 

Layne stood there silently fuming. He was _not_ upset about Alice N' Chains. He was fucking pissed at Dave Mustaine for thinking he had the upper hand on Alice In Chains’ home turf. Jerry saw the look in Layne’s eyes and wrapped an arm around his chest from behind and whispered near his ear, “Let it go. We just have to remind him whose house he’s in. We do that by having a better show with _our_ fans in the audience. You’re a badass, Layne. Show him the badass frontman we all know you are by owning that stage and make _him_ feel uncomfortable when it’s finally his turn.”

On June 28, when Clash of the Titans hit Madison Square Garden, _Headbanger’s Ball_ hosted an _On the Road . . ._ special. Host Riki Rachtman was backstage talking to all the bands individually. When he came into Alice In Chains’ “dressing room,” Jerry greeted the host like an old friend. Riki had Jerry and Layne on the show in the beginning when the band first ventured outside their safety zone of Washington state and he and Layne always had fun razzing the host. It was all in good fun, none of it malicious.

_“So how’s the tour been going so far?” Riki asked as he held the mic out to Layne. “What’s it like opening up for these bands?”_

_“Hip. Swinging. Groovy,” Layne replied succinctly._

_“Now what’s it like, I mean, considering you guys aren’t what’s considered what you would call a metal band, what’s it like opening up for some of these bands like Slayer and Megadeth?” Riki asked._

_“It’s really smelly,” Starr replied. “But it’s great. It’s awesome. We have a great time. All the guys are really cool.”_

_“Has it been pretty much mixed crowd responses in different towns? I mean has it been positive or —” Riki asked._

_“You know, ups and downs. We haven’t been booed off yet,” Sean replied. “But uh . . .”_

_“We’ve worked at it,” Jerry spoke up._

_“We’ve tried to get booed. We came close, damn close,” Sean agreed._

_“What’s it like playing – I mean this is Madison Square Garden. Are you excited about playing the most famous arena in America?” Riki asked._

_With the straightest face he could achieve without breaking into a fit of laughter, Layne replied, “Yeah, I’m excited.”_

_Riki shifted over to Sean. Sean waved at the camera. “Hi, mom!”_

_“Okay, well. We’ll be back talking to these guys and to all the performers of the show . . . .” Riki said, ending the interview._

Now they were in Weedsport, New York at the Speedway. Layne had cut the braids off somewhere along the way, so his hair was short now. He showed up on stage in a leather overcoat, no shirt, a pair of ripped black jeans and boots, sporting a pair of sunglasses. Jerry bit his lip to keep from grinning when Layne took his “badass frontman” comment to heart.

They opened the show with _Would?_ , followed by _Real Thing_ , _Put You Down_ , _We Die Young_ , _Bleed the Freak_ , _It Ain’t Like That_ , and _Man in the Box_.

Jerry thought Layne had finally gotten sick of the inhibiting rules they placed on themselves because when he looked over to Layne at the start of _Real Thing_ , Layne straddled the mic stand as he sang.

After _Put You Down_ , Layne said, “So this is _Weedsport_? How are you doing?” A good portion of the crowd cheered. He prowled the stage like a caged lion. “Where’s that –” He went over to Jerry’s side of the stage. “Oh, there’s that faggot in the blue. Hey, pussy! Come here. I’ll stick a cap in your ass.” He proceeded to antagonize the Slayer fan for a minute and then walked back to center stage. “This next song is the first single off our album Facelift. The song’s entitled _We Die Young_.”

During _We Die Young_ , Layne was back to crawling on the stage monitors, multitasking by singing, flipping off, and generally antagonizing the Slayer fans.

As _Bleed the Freak_ started, Layne sat straddled over the stage monitor while pretending to give the microphone a handjob. He stood up and sang the opening line. He walked to Starr’s side of the stage and crouched down as he sang. He stood up and strolled to center stage.

When _It Ain’t Like That_ started, Layne went to Jerry’s side of the stage and crouched down, and then stood up to sing. He strolled to center stage, stood, and balanced on the stage monitors. In the middle of the guitar solo, Layne yelled out to a punk rock chick, “Look at that skinny little punk!” The girl turned and glared at him. “Yeah, are you a girl? I thought you were a fucking dude!” Then, Layne grabbed his crotch all the while still standing on the monitor without wavering. “Yeah, whore!” Layne yelled as he stepped off the monitor and walked to Starr’s side of the stage.

After _It Ain’t Like That_ , Layne propped himself up on the stage monitor and called out, “Hey ugly. Hey, bitch. Is that your boyfriend right there? You got a loud mouth. You’re going to get him in a lot of fights. You cunt!” Sean stood up behind the drums to watch the whole thing. Since Jerry wasn’t trying to stop Layne, he wasn’t going to jump in either. Sean sat down behind his kit again when Layne stood up and said, “This next song is entitled _Man in the Box_.”

The other three band members didn’t know what Layne had planned next, so they seemed to mutually agree to follow what he was doing. So far that included actually throwing debris back at the audience that threw it at them first and jumping the barricade to actually deal one-on-one, or five with the people who were giving them hell, among other things.

The band went into _Man in the Box_ , not knowing what Layne would do. Layne sang, “ _I’m a man in the box / Buried in my shit_.” He turned to Jerry to see if he would follow his lead. Jerry nodded an affirmative and Layne sang, “ _Won’t you come and blow me? Blow me. Feed my eyes!_ ”

“ _Can you suck my dick?_ ” Jerry returned.

 _“Jesus Christ!_ ” Layne called.

“ _Deny your maker!_ ” Jerry returned.

“ _Ah! Please kiss my ass!”_ Layne called.

“ _You’ll be wasted!_ ” Jerry returned.

“ _Feed my eyes!_ ” Layne called.

“ _Now you’ve sewn them shut!_ ” Jerry returned.

“ _I’m a whore who gets beat_ ,” Layne sang as he grabbed his crotch for effect. “ _Shove my cock in your ass! / Won’t you come and force me_ ,” Layne looked at Jerry, surprised he knew what Layne was going to sing. “ _Force me. Flame in your crack!_ ”

“ _Can you suck my dick?_ ” Jerry returned.

 _“Blow my dick!_ ” Layne called.

“ _Deny your maker!_ ” Jerry returned.

“ _He who tries!”_ Layne called.

“ _Will be wasted!_ ” Jerry returned.

“ _Feed my eyes!_ ” Layne called.

“ _Now you’ve sewn them . . . ._ ” Jerry returned.

“ _Shut!_ ” Layne finished. During the guitar solo, Layne flexed his muscles for the crowd. Then, he put the mic in front of his crotch and acted like he was masturbating with it. When the chord change in the solo happened, Layne yelled, “Yeah!” and walked back to center stage as he growled. Then, “ _Feed my eyes!_ ”

“ _Can you suck my dick?_ ” Jerry returned.

 _“Jesus Christ!_ ” Layne called.

“ _Deny your maker!_ ” Jerry returned.

“ _He who tries!”_ Layne called.

“ _Will be wasted!_ ” Jerry returned.

“ _Feed my eyes!_ ” Layne called.

“ _Now you’ve sewn them –_ ” Jerry returned.

“ _Shut!_ ” Layne finished.

At the end of the song, Sean walked around the drums, stood back, and watched as Layne said, “Thanks a lot. Good night. Hey!” Layne pointed at the guy with the loudmouth girlfriend. “Meet me right over there.” He gestured toward Jerry’s side of the stage. “I’ll bring you back there. I wanna kick your fuckin’ ass. Whoo!” Then, he put the microphone back on the stand and strolled off the stage, slurping from his water bottle.

Layne took the towel that was handed to him as he walked off the stage. While his three bandmates went in the direction of their “dressing rooms”, Layne veered the other way toward the side of the stage, still drinking from the water bottle.

Jerry looked back and realized Layne hadn’t followed him. He snagged a roadie and told him to go get Layne before the singer got into too much trouble. The roadie caught up with Layne as he ducked under the platform used to wheel out the equipment from the trucks.

The roadie ducked under the platform and clapped Layne on the shoulder. “Jerry’s been looking for you, man.” He took the towel from Layne. “He said it was really urgent.” The roadie didn’t hear all that was said on stage, but he wasn’t keen on any lawsuits from concertgoers. Layne finally shrugged, ducked back under the platform, and followed the roadie back to the dressing room.

Layne was about to walk past their tour bus when something caught his attention. He climbed up and was met by Jerry who grabbed the lapels of his leather jacket. Jerry stumbled backward, hauling Layne back to the small suite in the back of the bus.

“Where is everyone?” Layne asked with a raised brow.

“Out for a while,” Jerry replied.

Once they were in the suite and the door was shut, Jerry pulled the jacket off Layne. Jerry kissed and licked and nipped his way down Layne’s neck, chest, and flat stomach until he was sitting on one of the bunks. Jerry opened Layne’s belt and yanked open the button of his jeans. The zipper slid down as Jerry pulled the fly open. He shoved the jeans and boxers down all at once. Layne braced his hands on the top bunk as he watched his dick slide into Jerry’s mouth. His eyes closed as he felt Jerry’s tongue slide along the length and around the crown. Layne was on the verge of cumming when Jerry stopped and pulled away.

Layne slid to his knees at the edge of the bed and helped Jerry remove his shoes and socks as Jerry opened his jeans. Layne pulled Jerry’s jeans off. He stroked Jerry’s dick as he sucked down the length. Jerry’s head fell back at the sensation of Layne’s mouth surrounding his dick. Layne blindly reached for the lube which Jerry handed over. Layne coated his fingers and used one and then both to open Jerry up. He didn’t stop until Jerry was moaning. 

Layne slowly sucked up off Jerry’s dick. Jerry pulled Layne into the bunk with him. Luckily the bunks could fit two people. Layne crawled up Jerry’s body, the guitarist’s thighs cradling Layne’s hips. Jerry kissed over Layne’s jaw and groaned as Layne slowly pushed into his ass. Jerry skimmed blunt nails down the singer’s back as they set a steady pace.

“What you did to _Man in the Box_ was priceless,” Jerry commented.

“I’m just surprised you followed along when I changed the words,” Layne smirked. “Those people were getting on my last nerve.”

“Of course, I did. I drew the line at actually kicking someone’s ass though,” Jerry said.

“I was going to do it too if you hadn’t sent that roadie after me,” Layne confessed.

“I don’t mind you being a badass, but let’s not have a framed mugshot on the wall back home,” Jerry teased.

In response, Layne picked up the pace as he stroked Jerry’s dick. The bunks didn’t allow a lot of room to sit up, so Layne had to grab the headboard of the bunk and bucked up into Jerry. “Fuck. Layne,” Jerry said as his cum covered both of their stomachs. The muscles contracted around Layne’s dick, causing Layne to cum.

Layne carefully pulled out of Jerry’s ass and used a dirty shirt to clean them both up before settling down beside Jerry.

“See what happens when you take my words literally about being a badass?” Jerry laughed.

“It gets me laid more often?” Layne suggested with a raised brow.

“Dick,” Jerry shot back with a smirk.

They both turned when the door to the suite opened and Sean stuck his head in. “If you two are done, Mike wanted to know if you’ve worked up an appetite because we’re hungry.”

“Yeah,” Jerry’s voice suddenly squeaked like a hinge.

The door shut again. Layne and Jerry stared at each other for the longest time and then burst into laughter. Apparently, their bandmates had figured out what was going on before they had a chance to break the news.

*************************

**_Miami, Florida, July 14, 1991_ **

The band started off the last night of the Clash of the Titans tour at the Miami Arena with Sean on the microphone saying that they wouldn’t let the band sell their hats because they say ‘Fuck’ on them. The other members had changed instruments. With Sean on the mic, Layne was beating the drums, Jerry was on bass and Starr was on guitar as Sean had a tantrum in the middle of the stage. It was a “BEWARE! Drummer singing, singer drumming!” moment. Sean threw the mic down and left the stage.

The band had survived the Clash of the Titans tour so far. Layne had nicknamed himself a legend back in Seattle, but after this tour it was safe to say he had definitely earned the “Layne the Legend” nickname. Since the leather jacket and jeans worked so well the week before in Weedsport, New York, it was Layne’s current attire for tonight’s show. The setlist included _Would?_ , _Real Thing_ , _Put You Down_ , _We Die Young_ , _Bleed the Freak_ , _It Ain’t Like That_ , and _Man in the Box_.

Jerry and Starr exchanged instruments as Layne told the audience, “Now, that’s music.”

“Okay, let’s try this again,” Jerry said as the band went into _Would?_

After _Put You Down_ , Layne addressed the audience, “Miami, Florida, how are you doing?” The crowd cheered. “We’re Alice In Chains and this next song is the first single off our album Facelift. The song’s entitled _We Die Young_."

After the song, Layne said, “Well, thanks for coming out, Miami, to the last night of the Clash of the Titans. We’ve had a great fucking time. We hope you guys do. This song’s entitled _Bleed the Freak_.” Layne stripped off the jacket before he started singing.

“We got one more for you. Thanks for being so cool. Especially you two,” Layne said gesturing to a couple of girls in the front row. “This song is entitled _Man in the Box_.”

During _Man in the Box_ , the members of Slayer started bouncing around on stage in nothing but cardboard boxes. They circled Starr and Jerry as they bounded around on stage. Jerry thought it was funny as hell. It took a minute for Layne to catch on to what was going on behind him. Layne turned and watched the chaos go by without losing his place in the song. As quickly as they appeared, the group had danced themselves off the stage. Layne looked at Jerry’s grinning face and shook his head as he continued the song.

It turned out that Alice In Chains wasn't the only band pranked that last night. During _Angel of Death_ in Slayer’s set, a large fish was dropped from the rafters in front of Tom Araya. When Araya looked up, Layne and Jerry waved and then scurried away. Flour was dumped on Anthrax by Megadeth. And urine mysteriously rained down on Megadeth from the rafters.

Later that night, Layne and Jerry got a hotel room _away_ from Starr and Sean. There were clothes scattered all over the floor. The banging of the headboard against the wall couldn’t be stopped because the whole damn headboard was one piece with no slats.

“Fucking, fuck, fuck, fuck, Layne!” Jerry moaned repeatedly as the singer pounded into him from behind. Layne’s fingers dug into Jerry’s hip bones.

“Have you taken on Sean’s earlier tantrum over the hats?” Layne teased and he bucked faster and harder into Jerry, their skin smacking together.

“No,” Jerry breathed but then, “Oh God, fuck, fuck!”

“Are you sure about that, babe?” Layne teased. 

“Shut up and –”

Layne cut him off by holding Jerry down so that his shoulders touched the bed, changing the angle and his downward thrusts were hitting Jerry’s prostate. Jerry fisted the sheets as he arched back. Damn Layne had gotten aggressive since the start of this tour. Not that Jerry was complaining.

Before Jerry knew what was going on, Layne had him upside down with his head and shoulders on a pillow on the floor. Layne straddled his hips and was pile-driving down into Jerry’s ass. He couldn’t even stroke himself or he’d lose his balance.

“Layne, fucking – where’d you even come up with this position?” Jerry asked.

“Are you serious? You obviously need to read more _Hustler_ or _Penthouse_ when we get home,” Layne replied.

“Just when I think you couldn’t get any deeper,” Jerry moaned as Layne’s dick brushed his prostate. “Fucking jerk me off.”

Layne grinned when he realized Jerry couldn’t do it himself or he’d lose the counterbalance. Layne wrapped his hand around the guitarist’s dick and started stroking in tandem with his own movements.

“God, Layne!” This was _not_ helping in the least. Jerry needed to cum and Layne fucking him _and_ stroking his dick was only dragging his orgasm out longer. Somehow, Layne figured it out and shifted a bit until he was pile-driving into that spot that caused Jerry’s eyes to roll back in his head. Suddenly, he shouted Layne’s name as he came.

Layne carefully extracted himself from Jerry. He stood over the guitarist and stroked himself to orgasm. He slowly opened his eyes and glanced down to see Jerry covered in white streaks. Layne's lips slowly curved up in a delirious smile as he sat back down and collapsed back on the mattress. Jerry shifted around and got to his feet. He went into the bathroom and came back with a hand towel. He used one side to wipe himself down and the other side on Layne.

Jerry disposed of the towel in the bathroom and came back to lie next to the singer. “What a way to end the tour from hell.”

“What do you think the repercussions are now that Mike and Sean know about us?” Layne asked softly.

Jerry considered it. “Nothing really. Sean seemed to be fine with it last week when he walked in. From the way he sounded, he and Mike were okay with it.”

“There’s Demri and Courtney. I know you love her as much as I do Demri. I don’t want to ruin that for you,” Layne said.

“If anything ruins something between Courtney and I, it’ll probably be my doing, not yours. Even if Courtney _did_ find out about us, she’d probably blame me for it, not you.” Jerry pressed a kiss on Layne’s cheekbone. “How about we make this rule: we go on as we have been and just live in the present. Don’t worry so much about what’s going to happen.”

“Okay,” Layne agreed.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The band is back in the states for a small tour starting at the Salem Armory Auditorium. Mike Inez agrees to stay with the band for the live shows. Layne makes a drunken confession to Jerry.

**_Salem, Oregon, April 9, 1993_ **

The band finished out the Europe dates with the SFX Theater in Dublin, Ireland, and Ulster Hall in Belfast. Mike agreed to do more club dates in the States for their summer tour. This time they dragged Masters of Reality and Circus of Power through the club scene with them. Jerry sort of hoped having the different bands would give Layne a change and he didn’t feel compelled to use drugs as much. Jerry wasn’t hoping for the miracle of a completely dried-out Layne, just a lot less use than the drug binge Europe was with Mark Lanegan.

When everything seemed to go well at soundcheck, the two bands doing shorter sets, Jerry put out a sixteen-song setlist for the Salem Armory Auditorium show.

The set started with the recording of _Iron Gland_ that went into _Dam That River_ , followed by _We Die Young_ , _Them Bones_ , _Would?_ , _Love Hate Love_ , _Junkhead_ , _God Smack_ , _Bleed the Freak_ , _Sickman_ , _Rooster_ , _It Ain’t Like That_ , _Hate to Feel_ , _Angry Chair_ and _Man in the Box._

After _Them Bones_ , Layne greeted the crowd, “How are you doing, Salem!” The crowd cheered. “Well, thank you. It’s good to be playing in front of an American crowd again.” He looked over at Jerry and smirked as he said, “Eat American food.” The crowd yelled different comments. “I can’t hear a fucking word you’re saying, so . . . this song’s called _Would?_ "

The stage diving started earlier than _Would?_ , but the beat of the song lent itself to crowd surfing music. Layne continued to sing, feeling almost normal as the kids jumped on stage around him and dove off to surf the crowd. This was the environment he was used to.

The band went immediately into _Love Hate Love_. Layne and Jerry were doing their not-so-secret signals to each other during the song.

After the song, Mike said, “There’s technical difficulties.” Jerry ran off stage. Mike did a little of the **_Mission_** ** _: Impossible_** theme on the bass that Layne seemed to like now. Jerry came back a few minutes later and joined in, doing _Yankee Doodle Dandy_ on the guitar with Sean picking it up on the drums. Then the band went into _Junkhead_.

Sometime during _Junkhead_ , someone threw their shoe on stage. At the end of the song, Layne asked, “Who’s shoe?”

Jerry laughed, “I don’t want it back. Really.”

“Everybody, hold your feet up and see who’s missing that shoe,” Layne suggested as he scanned the crowd. “Come on, hold your feet up.” When they found the missing owner of the shoe, Layne kicked the shoe to a security guard in front of the stage to deliver it as Jerry went into _God Smack_.

The band went from _Bleed the Freak_ straight into _Sickman_.

“Hello. Jerry wanted to introduce this next song,” Layne turned and smiled innocently.

Jerry exaggeratedly cleared his throat. “This song is called _Rooster_.”

When the band went into _It Ain’t Like That_ , the stage diving and crowd surfing started up heavily again. Layne crawled all over the stage monitors and was bouncing around the stage, dodging the stage divers as they came up.

Layne took the guitar from Randy Biro and put it on. He walked back to the mic. “We got one more for you.” He turned to Jerry and began tuning his guitar with Jerry’s and then went into _Hate to Feel_. For the first time, it seemed, since they initially recorded the track, Layne and Jerry were doing a call and return of _Hate to see / Can’t see at all / Hate to feel / Can’t feel at all_. Where, before now, it was just Layne singing the words in quick succession. After the song, Layne thanked the crowd. He took the guitar off and handed it to Randy before leaving the stage with his bandmates, picking up any discarded clothing along the way.

After a few minutes, the band returned to the stage. Layne gave a triumphant laugh. “How are you doing, Salem?” The crowd cheered. “We’d like to thank you for coming out for the first night of the tour. Thank you for coming to band practice. You guys make it more enjoyable all around.” Then Jerry, Mike, and Sean broke into an instrumental of an Alice In Chains version of Neil Young’s _Ohio_.

“We’re thinking about turning it into a song. What do you think?” Mike teased. The crowd cheered.

“I think you’re a homo,” Layne teased back as he put on his guitar. Mike threw his head back and laughed.

Jerry laughed and made a comment Layne ignored as he went into _Angry Chair_ that bled into _Man in the Box_.

As Jerry played the intro, Layne said, “We got one more then we’re out of here. Thank you very much! Yeah!” After the song, he said, “Thank you very much, Salem. Good night.” Then, he got off the stage as fast as he could.

Later that night, Jerry sat on the bed noodling on his guitar while talking to Courtney on the phone. He heard a noise and looked up to see Layne stumble in the door. Courtney’s voice was far away as he watched Layne drop the room key on the table.

“Sean can really drink,” Layne slurred. “I mean, we all can drink, but he gets the ‘Can Do’ award for drinking.”

“Yeah, honey, I hear you. Just a second,” Jerry put his hand over the receiver and said, “You’ve been out drinking with Sean since the show ended?”

“Yeah, and Mike. Can’t forget Mike. He was the designated driver. He could have watered down his drinks, maybe,” Layne said as he tried to refocus his eyes. “I think my liver is screaming at me. My head hurts so fucking much.”

Jerry’s brows furrowed. That was one thing Layne didn’t do a lot of since his drug addiction really started to take over. He drank, but not like this. Abruptly, he heard Courtney yelling his name over the phone. “Sorry, honey. Layne just walked in. Can I call you back later? Yeah, love you too. Bye.”

Jerry hung up and put his guitar on its stand. He went to his suitcase and found the Tylenol. He turned around to give it to Layne, but the singer wasn’t there. A few seconds later he heard Layne retching in the bathroom. He went to lean against the doorjamb.

“How much did you drink?” Jerry asked a little amused.

“A lot,” Layne got out before he threw up again.

“Jack Daniels?” Jerry guessed.

“Before the Tequila,” Layne replied.

“We have a show in two days. Can you be sober by then?” Jerry asked. He laughed when Layne flipped him off and then threw up again.

Jerry stepped into the bathroom and spread the toothpaste on Layne’s toothbrush. When Layne stood up and flushed, Jerry presented it to him. “Here, buddy. Brush your teeth.”

Layne did as he was told and Jerry wet a washcloth and washed the singer’s red face. “Feel better?” Layne swayed a bit. “Let’s get you into bed, huh?”

Layne pulled off his own clothes and got in bed. “This is why I don’t drink. It’s harder on me.”

Jerry got into bed beside him. The drugs were doing a worse number on Layne than getting cirrhosis of the liver. He wished the singer would see that. He’d have to ask Mike tomorrow if Layne had ever left their company.

Or he could just come out and ask, “Layne? Did you do any drugs tonight?”

“No,” Layne slurred tiredly. He rolled over and opened his eyes. Jerry could see they were dilated from the alcohol.

“Okay, Layne. I believe you. See you in the morning.” Jerry turned the bedside lamp off and went to sleep.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AIC has recorded two new songs with Mike Inez. Mike becomes a full-fledged member of the band and Jerry's so excited that Layne thinks he's had too much caffeine. They play the Event Center Arena in San Jose.

**_San Jose, California, April 11, 1993_ **

During the past week, even before they hit Salem, Alice In Chains had been working on two songs for Arnold Schwarzenegger’s movie **_Last Action Hero_**. It was Mike’s first studio experience with the band. His first real contribution was the bass line to a song called _A Little Bitter_. The second song was called _What the Hell Have I_. The owner of Avast! Studios recorded the demos and hosted the band for rehearsals while they wrote the songs. There had been signs of Layne’s lighter drug use during the session which was why Jerry was worried when he had asked Layne if he’d done any drugs when he was drinking with Sean a couple of days ago. Producer and engineer Toby Wright was offered the opportunity to work with the band on the songs and he accepted.

Layne so far had been sober since the week-long session for _A Little Bitter and What the Hell Have I_ had ended. Jerry counted the blessing. Despite the light drug use for that session, Layne was _trying_ to stay sober after the mess in Europe. He hadn’t seen Mark Lanegan. Other than the drinking binge two days before with Sean, Layne hadn’t touched anything. The withdrawals were manageable so far. He still hadn’t told Jerry how bad they got when they were at the worst: when he was hugging the commode and puking his guts up, seeing double sometimes because throwing up as much as he did made him lightheaded. He felt normal for the moment. He even ate some toast and bacon this morning and it all stayed down.

Layne and Jerry spent the day spontaneously pranking Mike and Sean. Mike took it all good-naturedly just happy to see Layne more engaged than he was when they were in Europe. From what Sean had told him, Layne had always been sweet, funny, had a quick wit, and had a great sense of humor, but also a badass when he needed to be. Mike got to see some of that when Layne felt safe enough to let it out since Mike had joined them in London. Mike got to witness more of it since that night in London when Layne went off on the reporter who mistook him for Mike Starr. Sean said that Layne accepted him into the family before that, but that’s when Mike _felt_ that Layne accepted him as more than just a replacement for Mike Starr.

For his part, Mike never wanted to replace Starr. He knew they all were close with Starr and made an effort not to tread on that. He knew all the guys from when they toured with Ozzy, got along with them, and spent a lot of time on that tour on their bus. So they called him when they needed a bass player. It was rather seamless how they all fit together, and to know that Layne accepted him enough for them to ask him to do the summer tour dates and now Jerry had asked Mike to work on two new songs with them. The fact that Layne trusted him enough to let his guard down around Mike and treated him like family made him happy.

It didn’t even bother Mike when he figured out that Jerry and Layne were closer to each other than mere singer and guitarist or best buds. When Sean finally told him how close the two really were, between what Layne had done for Jerry by giving the guitarist a place to live and guitars and gear and money and how Layne gave his contact info to Jerry and got the band set up, and how Sean and Mike Starr had figured out Jerry and Layne were _together_. None of that mattered to Mike at all. The recording session went so well, Sean, Jerry, and Layne offered him a permanent spot in the band. He accepted wholeheartedly. Now here he was in San Jose on the second summer tour date playing the Event Center Arena at SJSU.

The set started with the recording of _Iron Gland_ that went into _Dam That River_ , followed by _Them Bones_ , _Would?_ , _Love Hate Love_ , _Junkhead_ , _God Smack_ , _Bleed the Freak_ , _Sickman_ , _Rooster_ , _It Ain’t Like That_ , _We Die Young_ , _Hate to Feel_ , _Angry Chair_ , and _Man in the Box_.

Since Jerry liked the leather jacket that he wore back in Tilburg so much, Layne wore the leather jacket, his hair slicked back, and sunglasses on stage for tonight’s show.

During _Would?_ , Jerry ran all over the stage behind Layne only running back to his mic to sing his parts. When it came time for the lyrics _Am I wrong? / Have I gone too far to get home?_ Jerry stood beside Layne playing the riff. Layne looked over at Jerry and the guitarist gave him a brilliant smile. Whatever it was between them, Layne felt that connection pull tighter.

Still wearing the sunglasses, Layne closed his eyes and let that connection take lead when Jerry played the first strains of _Love Hate Love_ , taking him through the highs and lows of the song. It wasn’t a cloud nine feeling, but it was damn close.

After the song, Layne greeted the audience, “How are you doing, San Jose?” The crowd cheered. “Thank you.” He lit a cigarette as the band went into _Junkhead_.

During _God Smack_ , Layne tossed his sunglasses on the drum riser and crawled all over the stage monitors on Mike’s side of the stage as he sang. During the strobe light show of the chorus, he moved over to Jerry’s side of the stage and perched on the stage monitors to sing the next verse. He moved to center stage at the next chorus and climbed on the monitor there for the next verse.

During _Sickman_ , when Layne moaned his way up to a full scream, Jerry felt those moans ripple through his body straight to his dick. Luckily, the stage was dark enough no one could see the semi-erection he was now dealing with. Someone in the audience threw their shoe on stage and clipped Layne. When Jerry went into the solo Layne walked behind him disposed of the cigarette and shrugged out of his jacket revealing a t-shirt and tan vest. He wiped the sweat off with a towel and moved back to center stage.

After the song, Layne said, “Hey, uh, if you guys want to throw shit, keep your shoes on! Throw money or drugs, food. Not canned goods though. Keep those.” He could hear Jerry laughing behind him at that.

Jerry dropped his wallet as he retrieved a picture of his dad. Layne looked over as Jerry said, “I guess that wasn’t worth much.” Jerry held the picture up. “This next song is called _Rooster_. It’s about my father.” He picked up his wallet, tucked the picture inside, and shoved the wallet in his back pocket, then played the opening riff.

During _It Ain’t Like That_ , Layne was back to crawling all over the stage monitors and engaging with the front row.

After _We Die Young_ , someone else threw another shoe on stage. Layne said, “If you’re going to throw shoes up, throw up a fucking pair. Give us something useful.” Jerry stood next to Layne, tapping him on the arm and goosing him in the side as he whispered to him. Layne repeated out loud, “One left shoe. One blue suede right.”

Jerry hurried over to the drum riser like a kid and picked something up off the floor. He held it up and Layne took it from him, commenting, “Oh, a wristwatch. A Winston racing wristwatch.” Sean came down from the drum riser. He and Jerry both flanked Layne examining the watch over his shoulders. “Well, I’m keeping that.” He pocketed the watch as walked over to the side of the stage and collected his guitar from Randy Biro, putting it on.

When the spotlight shone on Layne revealing the guitar, the crowd cheered. Jerry came over to him and played a few chords with him as Layne tuned his guitar with Jerry’s and then went into _Hate to Feel_. Layne and Jerry shared the vocals again doing the call and return of _Hate to see / Can’t see at all / Hate to feel / Can’t feel at all_. At the end, Mike, Sean, and Jerry walked off the stage. “Thank you very much,” Layne said before he followed them, collecting his sunglasses and coat along the way.

A few minutes later, the band returned to the stage. Jerry got hit by something. He picked it up. “What? Did we come on late or something? You guys keep throwing up watches.” Jerry laughed. “How about some joints?” The band started some innocuous jam for a tune-up and then Layne went into _Angry Chair_. After the song, Layne tossed his guitar to Randy Biro as the band went into _Man in the Box_.

“We got one more. We’d like to thank you for being so fucking cool coming out tonight,” Layne said and then yelled, “Yeah!”

After the show, they were in the rental car, headed to the hotel. Sean and Mike were in the front seat while Layne and Jerry were in the back. Jerry was practically in Layne’s lap, kissing his cheek and nuzzling his neck. “Babe, you’ve been giddy all night. How much caffeine did you have this morning?”

“My normal amount,” Jerry replied.

“It’s an adrenaline high,” Sean surmised.

“Thank you, Sherlock Holmes,” Layne rolled his eyes. “I figured that much.”

“We just finished two awesome songs in the studio this past week. We figured out that under that huge heart, Mike can write the darkest shit with an awesome bass line. The show tonight went great,” Jerry ticked off the reasons for his enthusiasm.

Sean laughed as Mike blushed and smiled at the praise. He had been in Ozzy’s band after all. Of all the things he learned from the Prince of Darkness, one was how to write a dark song.

Jerry grabbed Layne’s hand and put it over his groin. “ _That_ has been there since _Sickman_.”

“Oh, fuck, Jerry!” Sean protested. “You didn’t need to announce that right now!”

“Patience, grasshopper. We have another show tomorrow night in Irvine,” Layne said.

They barely made it inside the hotel room and shut the door before Layne found himself being stripped of his clothes. He had to maneuver them to the bed while Jerry was busy trying to take his own clothes off. After all this time, Layne learned to read Jerry. The guitarist just needed to take the edge off. Once Jerry was naked, Layne pushed him onto the bed and lay beside him.

“Are you sure you didn’t take a hit of one of those joints you told the audience to throw earlier?” Layne teased as he wrapped a hand around Jerry’s dick.

“Yes! Please, Layne,” Jerry breathed.

“Begging already? This must be really serious,” Layne smirked.

Layne moved lower on the bed and slowly sucked down Jerry’s dick, his tongue sliding along the length. Jerry’s eyes rolled back in his head as he buried his fingers in the stiff ringlets of Layne’s hair. One hand stayed buried in Layne’s hair, gently working the stiffness out of the locks while the other hand gently massaged the back of Layne’s neck at the base of his scalp.

“God, Layne,” Jerry moaned as he involuntarily thrust up into the heat of the singer’s throat. He fisted Layne's hair, moaning as he watched the singer lick up the underside of his dick to the tip and then watched the crown disappear into Layne’s mouth. Jerry’s head fell back against the headboard. He was so close to the edge that he was near tears with Layne’s constant taunting.

“Fuck, Layne! Stop the teasing already,” Jerry gritted out. He was rewarded with Layne sucking harder and then Layne’s hand reflexively squeezing the base of his dick. Layne slowly pulled up off Jerry and watched him fall apart as he stroked him.

Jerry fell back on the bed as if the orgasm had cut the marionette strings that had been holding him suspended this whole time. Layne licked the cum off Jerry’s stomach as he moved up to lie beside the guitarist. Jerry gave him a lazy smile. “You’re welcome,” Layne teased.

He moved to go get something to clean them up, but Jerry stopped him. “Worry about that later. I need to apologize for Salem.”

“Apologize for what?” Layne asked as he settled back on the bed.

“When you came back from drinking with Sean, I thought the worst because you were using drugs during the recording session for those two songs and I thought you were back to the harder stuff,” Jerry said ashamedly.

“It was maybe a line of cocaine and a couple of marijuana joints in the studio,” Layne said in his own defense.

“I know and I’m sorry for thinking it was getting worse the other night. But, you binged after finding out your sponsor was bragging that he had you for a client when we were recording Dirt and there were a couple of times you’ve been completely out that it almost looked like you died when we were in Europe. That last time when I kicked Mark and his buddy out of the room . . .”

“Jerry! Jerry, I’m fine,” Layne took the guitarist’s hand and placed it over his heart. “See, I’m still alive. I don’t know why you want me around knowing how many times I’ve fucked up. But, I’m still here.”

“You’re my other half in this band, my best friend. Of course, I want you around. I never thought of being in a band with anyone but you as the singer.”

To show the feelings he didn't know how to give voice to, Jerry kissed and licked his way down Layne’s chest and stomach as he moved lower on the bed. Layne watched Jerry run his tongue along the length of his dick and then tossed his head back against the pillow, arching his back as he felt the heat of Jerry’s mouth surround his dick. Without realizing it, their hands found each other on the mattress and their fingers entwined. Jerry could tell when he hit an erogenous zone by the way Layne squeezed his fingers.

“You didn’t need to return the favor, Jer,” Layne said and then moaned as he got closer to release. Layne went from mildly aroused to being on the verge of an explosive orgasm in about three minutes flat. The things Jerry did with his tongue and hand were keeping him on edge. “I _need_ to cum, Jerry. Stop prolonging it.”

Jerry sucked up off him and grinned as he continued to stroke him. “Turnabout’s fair play.”

Jerry jerked his hand up and down faster, licking the pre-cum off whenever it appeared. Finally, Layne’s orgasm hit him like a tidal wave. Jerry got up and found something to wipe Layne off with. Throwing away what amounted to a rag after he was done, Jerry went back to bed.

“What was that about?” Layne asked.

“Part of my apology,” Jerry replied.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of AIC's Spring tour before Lollapalooza 93. Jerry chalked the spring fling tour to a success. He thought Layne seemed to be beating his drug addiction. The subject of joining the tour had come up off and on and it looked like they were all on the same page about doing it. If Jerry thought Layne was bad in Europe before, he had no way of knowing how bad Layne would get in the coming months.

**_Irvine, California, April 12, 1993_ **

Alice In Chains played the Bren Events Center which was a normal size college gymnasium at UC Irvine. Jerry changed the setlist a little bit. He switched some songs around and Layne was grateful for once that he did. It was getting monotonous singing them in nearly the same order for the past year or so. Jerry also slipped in one of the new songs, _A Little Bitter_.

Layne was still doing well. He’d spent the day until showtime going through the hotel’s movie channels while Jerry played riffs on his guitar. Layne would absently comment on which riffs he liked and Jerry actually made notes on those.

The set started with the recording of _Iron Gland_ that went into _Dam That River_ , followed by _Them Bones_ , _Would?_ , _Love Hate Love_ , _Junkhead_ , _God Smack_ , _Bleed the Freak_ , _Sickman_ , _Rooster_ , _It Ain’t Like That_ , _We Die Young_ , _A Little Bitter_ , _Hate to Feel_ , _Angry Chair and Man in the Box_.

“This is an anti-love song,” Layne said by way of introducing _Love Hate Love_.

After _Sickman_ , Layne said, “You know something: about half of you guys are going to go home tonight and your mom and your dad is going to go ‘Where is that new pair of shoes that I bought you?’, and you’re going to say ‘I hit the singer in the face with it.’ They’re going to think that’s great. If you’re going to throw something, throw I don’t know . . . anything but shoes, and _cleats_ are _definitely_ out of the question. No tap shoes.” Someone in the audience suggested bedroom slippers. “Yeah, that’s okay.” Mike made a smoking gesture. “Oh, Mike just said we’re out of pot if any of you want to contribute. That’s a bad, bad thing. Terrible awful. It’s the devil’s herb.” Then Jerry went into _Rooster_ as Layne said, “This is a song about Jerry’s father.”

At the end of _It Ain’t Like That_ , Layne greeted the audience. “How’s it going _Irvine_? Whoo!” Then the band went into _We Die Young_.

“Yeah, we’re going to try a new song. We haven’t performed this live before. We just recorded this for a new Arnold Schwarzenegger movie. We’re going to get real buff. Next time you see us, we’re going to look just like McAvoy. This song’s called just _A Little Bitter_ ,” Lay said and the band went into the song.

After the song, Jerry asked, “Well, did it pass the test?” The crowd cheered. “Okay, we’re going to do a couple of Winger songs now.” There were boos in the audience. “What? You don’t like Kip?” Someone in the audience suggested a drum solo. “A drum solo? Why don’t _you_ do one?” Jerry got the attention of one of the security guys. “Get him up here. He’s going to do a drum solo.”

The audience member came up, got behind Sean’s kit, and went into the drum sequence for _Angry Chair_. Layne, who had put his guitar on during Jerry’s interaction, joined him for a bit and then garbled the words to the song.

“He’s fired!” Sean yelled. The crowd cheered.

“How about a big round of applause for Jeremy,” Jerry said.

Layne smiled and presented Jeremy. “This guy!” The audience cheered. After Jeremy left the stage, Layne went back to tuning his guitar and then went into _Hate to Feel_.

After the song, Jerry brought someone up on stage. “This is Craig, folks. This man _bled_ to see Alice In Chains tonight.” The audience cheered. “Anything to say?” When Craig declined, Jerry said “He doesn’t want to say anything. The blood loss was a little too much for him. Just give it up for him, all right?” The crowd cheered as Craig left the stage. The band went into _Angry Chair_ that bled into _Man in the Box_.

During the last chorus of _Man in the Box_ , Layne had the entire gymnasium singing his vocals in the chorus to all of Jerry’s backing vocals until the last line, and then Layne took over again. Layne and Jerry repeated the process one more time with the audience.

“Thank you very much, everybody! See you next time,” Layne said and followed his bandmates off the stage.

After that show, they resumed the small U.S. spring tour with dates at the Tucson Convention Center in Tucson, Arizona on April 13. Next, they played Made in Oklahoma in Oklahoma City on April 15.

On April 16, they played the Shrine Mosque in Springfield, Missouri. The show was cut short due to Layne being sick. Mike apologized to the crowd and that it was bullshit that they couldn’t cancel the show beforehand like they had done in Paris when they discovered the decibel limit problem. A small riot occurred and the band had a lot of equipment stolen or damaged.

On April 17, Phish opened for them when they played Memorial Hall in Kansas City, Kansas. They played the University of Kentucky on April 19. April 20 found them in Champaign, Illinois at the University of Illinois Assembly Hall. They played Peony Park in Omaha, Nebraska on April 22. They played the Cotillion in Wichita, Kansas on April 23 and finally finished the tour on April 24 at the Jack Trice Stadium in Des Moines, Iowa before heading back home.

Jerry chalked the spring fling tour to a success for the most part. He thought Layne seemed to be beating his drug addiction. Jerry never saw Layne doing any of the heavier drugs that he did in Europe. They needed to go home for a little rest and relaxation. Jerry wanted to get back to the great outdoors for a bit before Lollapalooza started. The subject of joining the tour had come up off and on and it looked like they were all on the same page about doing it. If Jerry thought Layne was bad in Europe before, he had no way of knowing how bad Layne would get in the coming months.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Opening night of Lollapalooza 93. With their busy schedule on top of getting ready for Lollapalooza, Jerry has a nagging worry he's losing the connection with Layne. Hell, he didn't even notice that Layne was as skinny as a rail until now. Meanwhile Layne is feeling suffocated now that he has a personal chaperone courtesy of Susan Silver and thinks outside forces are trying to drive a wedge.

**_Vancouver, BC, Canada, June 18, 1993_ **

Alice In Chains went to Europe to open for Metallica and then returned to the U.S. to play Lollapalooza.

The band, Heart was working on their Desire Walks On album which featured a cover of Bob Dylan’s _Ring Them Bells_. The Wilson sisters wanted a male voice to harmonize with on the song. Chris Cornell was originally slated to do it, but his record label wouldn’t give Heart permission to release it. Ann called Layne who had a day off from the band planning their Lollapalooza set and otherwise jamming. Layne readily agreed to do it.

Layne went to the studio and, self-conscious when recording, as usual, didn’t want anyone else there. He sent the sisters out to dinner while he did his vocals. When they returned, he made himself scarce while they listened to the finished product. The engineer later mixed Layne’s take with the Wilsons’ vocals and Ann thought it sounded perfect.

However, even Ann noticed the toll Layne’s drug use had taken on him. His addiction was taken away a part of him. For being six feet tall, he had become smaller and smaller, not just in weight but he had started withdrawing into himself. When she gave him a hug out of gratitude for helping them out, Ann was afraid she might break his bones.

Before the end of Alice In Chains’ spring tour, Layne was luminous on stage, whiter than white. He had a spark that lit him from within. He had been all over the stage, a commanding presence when he performed. By comparison, the Layne who showed up to contribute his vocals to _Ring Them Bells_ had shifted. That light inside him was flickering.

Rocky Schenck, who had worked with the band before, traveled to Seattle to direct the video for _What the Hell Have I_ , which was shot on June 13. Layne and Jerry ran around the set playing with the huge masks and particularly enjoyed creating the sequences where their faces were projected live on to their own faces and each other’s faces. Jerry was responsible for the oversized masks surrounding the band. Rocky met Mike for the first time and took an instant liking to him.

After what he and Jerry had talked about in Irvine, Layne was _trying_ to stay clean. For the Lollapalooza tour, he got his own bus with a recording studio in the back lounge and Susan Silver included a personal chaperone-slash-security guard named Val to travel with him at _all times_. Jerry, Mike, and Sean got along with the guy.

Jerry chalked up another win when Layne showed up to soundcheck in Vancouver. His blue eyes were brighter than he’d seen in a while. He showed up with a kerchief tied around his head where, underneath, his hair was a reddish blonde color that was fading from when he dyed it for the _What the Hell Have I_ video. He wore a brown leather jacket, striped shirt with a long-sleeve blue shirt underneath, jeans, and boots. They played _Would?_ for the soundcheck.

After the first verse, Layne took his jacket off. Jerry looked over and was a little stunned by his appearance. When they did the video to _What the Hell Have I_ , Layne looked fine if a little too skinny. Now that Jerry was really paying attention, Layne’s clothes hung on his body making him seem like a teenager. Jerry wanted to run over and hug him.

“ _If I could_ ,” Layne sang and then spun around to face Sean. “ _Would_.” Sean held off on that last drumbeat to see how long Layne would last, but then he hit it and Layne finished, “ _You?_ ”

When they left the stage, Jerry grabbed Layne’s arm to get his attention and he felt more bone than muscle. “Layne.” The singer turned around and looked at him. “God, Layne. You’ve always had a trim build. But . . . .” Jerry carefully wrapped his arms around him. Layne closed his eyes and returned the hug. “What happened? Have you been eating?”

“I’m fine. Yes, I’ve been eating. I remember what we talked about and I’m trying to stay clean,” Layne said.

Jerry kissed Layne’s temple. “Are you ready for tonight?” Layne nodded.

Alice In Chains would be the second-to-last band on the main stage. The set started with the recording of _Iron Gland_ that went into _Dam That River_ , followed by _Them Bones_ , _We Die Young_ , _Would?_ , _Love Hate Love_ , _God Smack_ , _Junkhead_ , _Angry Chair_ , _Man in the Box_ , _Hate to Feel_ , _Rain When I Die_ , and _Rooster_.

During _We Die Young_ , Layne was perched on the stage monitor.

After _We Die Young_ , Layne said, “Lollapalooza 93, how are you doing? Are you guys having a good time?” The crowd cheered. “We’re Alice In Chains and this song’s called _Would?_ ”

Jerry thought after the first four songs that Layne sounded as good as he ever did, but then when it came time for _Love Hate Love_ , and Layne let out those first screams, Jerry couldn’t keep the grin off his face. _That_ was his boy. If it was a closed venue, those screams would have rivaled the ones at The Moore in 1990.

“How’s it going out there?” Layne asked. The crowd cheered as the band went into _God Smack_.

They played _Angry Chair_ and _Man in the Box_ as they normally did. However, they discovered they had more time on stage and went into _Hate to Feel_ and _Rain When I Die_.

“We got one more song for you,” Jerry said. “A song called _Rooster_.”

After the show, Layne found the dressing room for Babes in Toyland and became fast friends with the three-piece punk rock group from Minneapolis. Around midnight he left them to go back to his own bus. Jerry was there playing in his recording studio.

“Hey,” Layne greeted quietly.

Jerry looked over as Layne sat down next to him. “Hey, where have you been?”

“Making friends with the girls from Babes in Toyland,” Layne replied.

“Thinking of leaving me for a threesome, huh?” Jerry teased.

“Why do you always think that? I would never do that. I’m here. I’m on stage when you need me to be. I know we don’t say it, but hasn’t everything I have ever done for you proved that I would never leave you. I have tried to keep every promise I made to you,” Layne was off on a tangent when Jerry stopped him.

“Hey, babe, hey. I was just teasing you. Did something happen to put you in a bad mood?” Jerry asked.

Layne leaned back in the chair and scrubbed both hands down his face. “Everything feels like it's changing. If drinking wasn’t so hard on me, I would be drinking right now because I don’t have any drugs on me. We – this band – have been in a cocoon of our own making for five or six years and it feels like outside forces are trying to drive a wedge. First, that thing where Kelly gave us an ultimatum: him or Susan. Now, we’re doing this.”

“You agreed to Lollapalooza. You were looking forward to it,” Jerry reminded him.

“Yeah, but I didn’t think I’d be doing it like this with a fucking chaperone as my own personal shadow,” Layne grumbled. To change the subject, he asked, “What are you doing here anyway?”

“Just recording bits of riffs that came to me,” Jerry said as he got up, pulling Layne up with him. He pulled him along as he led the way to the bedroom suite of the tour bus. Since it was Layne’s personal “sober” bus, they didn’t have to worry about Mike or Sean walking in on them.

Jerry stripped down to his underwear. He moved to disrobe Layne but then stopped. “Can I?”

Layne pulled his shirt over his head and stood in front of Jerry. The guitarist could see more of Layne’s rib cage than normal. From January through April, Layne was well built for his height. Now, he was too skinny. In the past, they could give as good as they got. Now, Jerry was afraid if he hugged Layne too tight, he’d crack bones. _How did he get this skinny?_ “Is this why you haven’t stripped down on stage?”

“Jer,” Layne sighed.

Jerry pushed Layne back on the bed and joined him. “I’m worried about you.”

Jerry caressed along Layne’s jaw as he buried his face in the curve of the singer’s neck, kissing and licking along the curve. Jerry kissed over a cheekbone and the corner of the mouth. He moaned when Layne kissed him back, his hand sliding up along the back of Jerry’s neck, pulling him closer.

Jerry pulled Layne over the top of him, sliding his hands down his back while he kissed the singer. Layne caressed down Jerry’s chest and stomach to wrap around Jerry’s dick through his underwear. Jerry grabbed Layne’s ass, grinding up against him.

Jerry broke the kiss. “God, Layne, I’ve missed you.”

Layne’s appearance had escaped Jerry’s scrutiny of late because of their busy schedule with the Metallica dates, doing the video for _What the Hell Have I_ , Layne doing the song for Heart, and getting ready for Lollapalooza.

“Me too, but I’m right here,” Layne said softly near his ear as he nuzzled the curve of Jerry’s neck. He rested his forehead against Jerry’s shoulder as the guitarist’s hand found its way into his jeans and wrapped around his dick.

Jerry felt a tangible connection still there between him and Layne, but the few months away from each other had created a gulf. He wanted that connection back. He could understand why Layne said it felt like things were changing. A part of Jerry could feel Layne slipping away from him and he hated it.

Layne rolled off him to pull his jeans and boxers off. He pulled Jerry’s underwear off and moved between the guitarist’s legs. Jerry had searched around while Layne was stripping and found the lube. He handed it over. Layne used it on his dick and the excess to prepare Jerry before he slowly slid inside him. 

Jerry groaned at the familiar feeling of Layne sliding deep inside him. Layne propped himself up on his forearms and thrust in and out slowly. Jerry reached for Layne and pulled him closer as the singer fell over him. He shivered as his body responded to Layne as it always had. 

Layne must have felt the reaction too. “See. We’re still good. Nothing compares to this. As much as I adore Demri, I have always –” Layne didn’t know how to explain his feelings for Jerry. For all these years, it's run deeper than anything else he ever felt.

“Did you just quote a Prince song to me?” Jerry smirked.

“I was trying to be sincere. It’s not my fault Prince has written a song for just about every situation,” Layne chuckled.

Layne thrust harder and faster until Jerry was moaning. Jerry nuzzled into the curve of Layne’s neck, sucking a bruise there. Layne found it amusing that Jerry was laying his claim on him for everyone to see now that his hair was so short it couldn’t curl anymore. Layne shifted angle and hit Jerry’s prostate.

“Layne!” Jerry gasped, causing Layne to laugh.

Layne pounded into Jerry at that angle until the guitarist came. Layne carefully extracted himself, stroked himself to release over Jerry’s stomach, and then collapsing beside him. He grabbed his t-shirt off the floor and wiped them both off and then tossed it back on the floor.

“You can’t lose me, well I can’t get through this without you,” Layne confessed.

Jerry smiled in acknowledgement but he couldn’t help feeling that he was slowly losing Layne. The singer was resourceful. If he wanted, Layne could find ways to ditch Val to get what he wanted. Jerry would just have to accept this for now and watch over Layne as much as he could.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Lollapalooza 93 rolls on, Layne's friendship with one of the Babes in Toyland turns sour and Jerry has to deal with it. Meanwhile, Layne has started drinking to deal with the cravings since he quit drugs cold turkey. Jerry finds out about something and it looks like it'll be doomsday before Layne decides to talk about it.

**_Somewhere Between Canada and New Jersey, July 11, 1993_ **

As Lollapalooza went on, they played in the dry, dusty parking lot of The Gorge Amphitheatre in George, Washington on June 19. On June 20, they played Portland Meadows in Portland, Oregon.

Two old high school friends of Layne’s, Johnny and James, showed up at the Portland show. They sat to the side of the stage by the manager watching the band. They got to hang out with Layne and catch up before the show. Layne seemed to enjoy their visit and it was like they were kids again. To Johnny, it seemed like the grind of being on the road was fostering his addiction which in turned fostered sadness.

Jerry found out about the dark, introspective drawings Layne drew of himself and Demri. It looked like Layne was dealing with his career obligations, his addiction issues, and trying to stay sober, and a lot of memories from his past. Jerry, in his own defense, couldn’t do much to help if Layne refused to tell him about it and he wasn’t the type to go snooping in Layne’s drawers to find out what he was hiding. Jerry put two and two together with what Layne had told him about feeling like things were changing. Then, he tried to remember who pulled away first: him or Layne. Maybe he should have invited Layne on his fishing trip after the spring tour.

Jerry didn’t notice until five days and three concert dates later on June 26, when they were in Greenwood Village, Colorado to play the Fiddler’s Green Amphitheatre that Layne had been drinking from time to time. He could really tell that day by the way Layne was singing. It was lazy by Layne’s standards of singing. Val was there to stop him from getting drugs. Alcohol hadn’t made the list of unapproved substances. Jerry knew that drinking was harder on Layne, but Layne was using the alcohol to keep the drug cravings at bay. There was a decibel level regulation, which Layne told anyone who cared to complain to fuck off.

When they got to St. Paul, Minnesota, to play the St. Paul Civic Center on June 29, Layne was back to sounding better than ever. He was still trying to deal with the cravings using alcohol. If he had snuck away to get drugs, Jerry couldn’t say when. Jerry announced to the crowd that Layne had joined the Hare Krishnas, to which Layne flipped him off as the band went into _Sickman_.

Somewhere along the line, Layne had developed a relationship of sorts with Babes in Toyland’s singer-guitarist Kat Bjelland, and the two began hanging out as drug buddies, though Kat hoped for more. Layne tried _not_ to make her think there would be. He loved and adored Demri and was committed to Jerry. So if something were to happen it wouldn’t be anything more than a one-night stand.

At one point, Val finally figured out what was going on when Layne would find a way other than alcohol to deal with the drug cravings. It was because of Kat. Val grabbed her and threw her in a tub of water once.

Whatever relationship that had existed between Layne and Kat went south. He finally told her there was no way they were ever going to go anywhere relationship-wise. He discovered the hard way that Kat didn’t take rejection well. First, she retaliated by overdosing after one of the Babes in Toyland’s shows in San Francisco.

When the overdose didn’t pull at Layne’s heartstrings, Kat tried another tactic by wanting to get a ride on Layne’s “sober” bus. When he refused, she didn’t take it well. He’d then realized how crazy she was. Kat got pissed and jumped on the front of the bus and tore off a windshield wiper blade.

It got so bad with Layne trying to dodge her that the Alice In Chains crew started running interference to keep her away from Layne. For all Demri’s faults, she never acted out like this and Layne wasn’t about to look after a lunatic when he was trying to stay sober and look after himself.

“So, now you have a stalker with a **_Fatal Attraction_** complex,” Jerry commented as he lay in bed, driving Layne to distraction with a slow up and down stroke on his dick.

“ _That_ is _not_ my fault,” Layne said defensively, biting back a moan. “The girl went completely crazy when I told her I was already in a relationship and it wasn’t going to go anywhere between her and me.”

“Don’t worry, babe,” Jerry assured him. “I got it taken care of. Mike, Sean, and I, even Randy and Val are running interference. Maybe she’ll get the hint and leave you alone.”

Jerry squeezed the base of Layne’s dick and stroked up, slid down again, and repeated the motion. He kissed along Layne’s neck and down his chest. He looked up at the singer through his eyelashes as he moved lower, kissing his stomach. Jerry glanced up to see Layne watching him. There was something deeper than simple lust in those blue eyes.

Returning to his task, Jerry stroked Layne’s dick as he licked the precum off the crown, teasing Layne even more. Jerry felt Layne grip his shoulder as he bucked up into his stroking rhythm. The orgasm that hit Layne minutes later caused him to nearly sit up, narrowly missing cracking his head on the bunk above him before he fell back on the bed. Jerry smiled when he witnessed that release. He leaned down and licked the cum off Layne’s stomach, wiping away the residue with the sheet. He crawled back up the bed and lay beside Layne.

“Feel better?” Jerry asked.

“About having an intense orgasm or knowing you all are working to keep a crazy girl away from me?” Layne suggested.

“Both,” Jerry replied.

“Oh, yeah. I feel great then,” Layne smirked settling down closer to Jerry.

Jerry was disappointed that it had been almost a month since the show in Portland and Layne still hadn’t said anything about the drawings or about what he was feeling trying to stay clean and sober via the cold turkey method. There wasn’t even a scrap of paper with a lyric on it anywhere on the bus. Jerry sighed and stared at the bottom of the top bunk until he drifted off.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The band takes a day off Lollapalooza 93 and spends time with Riki Rachtman at Action Park in Vernon, New Jersey after the show in Stanhope, New Jersey. Jerry finally confronts Layne about his drawings.

**_Stanhope, New Jersey, July 13, 1993_ **

Some of the musicians on the tour hit it off with each other for the most part, with the exception of Arrested Development. It led to Jerry being on stage with Fishbone. Members of Fishbone would be on stage with Alice In Chains. At one point, Layne was singing with Front 242 or Tool. Layne became friends with Maynard James Keenan of Tool and Tom Morello of Rage Against the Machine. Tom also had the patience to teach Layne more chords on the guitar than _Angry Chair_ and _Hate to Feel_ while arguing over which of their bands was more metal.

Mike had brought his golden retriever along on the tour. The dog had his own laminated VIP pass with a smiling dog face on it. A girl stole the dog’s pass and tried to use it to get backstage.

At one show, in particular, Layne, Jerry, and Sean went on stage during Primus’s set in the middle of _My Name is Mud_ dressed up wearing Les Claypool-style hats and playing slap-bass, emulating the way Claypool performed the signature bass riff. Claypool returned the favor by showing up on Alice In Chains set dressed in a chicken costume while the band performed _Rooster_. Jerry threw a bottle at him before he ran off stage.

When Alice In Chains hit New Jersey _Headbanger’s Ball_ was there to cover Lollapalooza in Waterloo Village. Their first interview of the day was with Vanessa Warwick who was there as another correspondent so that the show could cover more of the festival.

“Hi there, and welcome back to the _Headbanger’s Ball_. Tonight’s show is coming to you from Lollapalooza 93, and we’ve come to the New Jersey concert to hook up with Alice In Chains to find out all their latest news,” Vanessa turned to Layne, Sean and Mike. “As you can see, I’m joined by three of the guys.” Apparently, Riki Rachtman never warned her that when it comes to interviews, the band never gave a straight answer to any question. “So, how are you all doing? How’s it going?”

“Very well, Vanessa. Thank you very much,” Layne replied in a robotic tone.

“Couldn’t be better, Vanessa. Thank you very much,” Sean added in a similar tone.

“Now, last time we heard about you, unfortunately, you had to cancel the support slot for Metallica in Europe,” Layne nodded looking forlorn as Vanessa continued, “I was wondering have you found Lollapalooza a more enjoyable experience because of the nature of the event, that the pressure isn’t on you so much?”

“Well, the nature of the beast is always present at these shows which is cool,” Layne replied. “You know . . . Satan rocks.”

“What’s the atmosphere like backstage and stuff? Is there a lot of camaraderie between the bands?” Vanessa asked.

“The atmosphere is great,” Sean replied. “Usually it’s a lot of guys that look like this.” Sean directed the cameraman to view beyond the scaffold they were standing on to see an overweight man bent over showing a plumber’s crack and then someone from EMT personnel. “He works for the ambulance company. He rushes out into the crowd if you get hurt and saves your life.”

“A very important person to have at a concert,” Vanessa agreed.

“He wraps you in gauze with just a little touch of lanolin for that extra burning, itching sensation,” Layne added.

Later in the day, Riki Rachtman interviewed the band. This time Jerry joined them. Layne spent the time watching everything around him with only half an ear to the questions.

“ _Headbanger’s Ball_ on location at Lollapalooza 93. We’re hanging out with Alice In Chains,” Riki said, turning to Jerry, “Tell us a little bit about the latest thing we’ve heard from you which is off the **_Last Action Hero_** soundtrack.”

“ _What the Hell Have I_ ,” Jerry replied in an accent. “We tried to make the biggest, goofiest heads we could make and play with all these big heads around us.” Jerry spread his arms out, “Because we have really big heads.”

“Okay!” Riki turned to Sean. “There’s also another track on the **_Last Action Hero_** soundtrack.”

“ _A Little Bitter_ ,” Sean answered.

“I like that one. It’s a little heavier than the one we’ve been hearing,” Riki commented.

“We like it heavy,” Mike added.

“And from what I understand they also let you, being now a full-fledged member of Alice In Chains, help in the writing of it?” Riki asked.

“Yeah, it’s a lot of fun. A real natural thing. You know, we just got together and just drank a lot, shut off all the phones and just started jamming. It worked out well. We’re here, we’re rocking,” Mike replied.

“Now what kind of stuff other than musical talent of this guy,” Riki pointed at Mike, “What other stuff has he given to the band?”

“He gave me Chlamydia, Rick,” Sean replied. Mike laughed.

“That was the answer that we were looking for,” Riki commented. “Now we can say, Mike, that you are an official member of Alice In Chains, right? Not just a fill-in kind of guy,” Riki asked.

“Yes, I’m part of the band. I don’t want to be but they have my family held hostage back in L.A. and they won’t let them loose until after Lollapalooza,” Mike joked.

“Any permanent scars already?” Riki asked.

“Actually, I went through two basses and I’m in therapy, but I’m making progress. I’m making progress,” Mike replied.

“First of all, how did you get hooked up with the whole Lollapalooza thing?” Riki asked.

“Oh, uh, with my fly-rod, which you’ll see at the Water Park,” Layne replied.

“We’re going to talk about that,” Riki said. “Next week, the _Headbanger’s Ball_ is going to be on location at some wild water park thing called, Action Park, and we’re going to be spending the whole show with Alice In Chains. We’re going to find out extremely interesting things such as . . .”

“How ugly I look in a speedo,” Jerry finished.

“That’s just a hint,” Riki said. “Tell us about the video we’re going to premiere.”

“Oh, it’s great. Which one are we doing?” Layne chuckled.

“It’s yours,” Riki replied.

“Oh, it’s the best,” Layne amended.

“Any tips you want to give to people who want to come to Lollapalooza?” Riki asked.

“Don’t eat yellow snow,” Layne said.

“Eat a turkey leg,” Jerry added.

“Where a condom,” Mike said.

“Hi, mom?” Sean shrugged.

“Now the show started probably like five or six hours ago and then you go on. Are the crowds sometimes a little bit burned out when you guys go on?” Riki asked.

“They’re always burned out when we play, Rick,” Sean replied. “That’s what we like to believe. The reason they’re leaving our set is they’re burnt out.”

“The thing I like about these interviews with Alice In Chains in the many years we _have_ interviewed Alice In Chains is that we always get really good straight answers. Would you like to elaborate?” Riki asked.

“Straight answer,” Jerry replied.

“So, tell us, after Lollapalooza are you going to go on the road, go in the studio and record a record?” Riki asked. Before Layne could reply, Riki cut in, “Wait, here comes another straight answer?”

Layne straightened his posture and threw out his chest which caused Jerry to laugh behind him. “Well, Riki, we plan on doing a quadruple live album and in our spare time we’re going to put out another two records this year, and . . . .”

“What about the Alice In Chains action figures? Is there any talk about that?” Riki asked.

“Yeah, I’ve been making some of _me_ for the chicks,” Layne joked which caused Jerry to laugh.

The set tonight started with the recording of _Iron Gland_ that went into _Would?_ , followed by _God Smack_ , _Sickman_ , _Junkhead_ , _Angry Chair_ , _Man in the Box_ , _Hate to Feel_ , _A Little Bitter_ , _Dam That River_ , _Them Bones_ , _We Die Young_ , and _Rooster_.

Layne greeted the crowd, “How are you doing out there, New Jersey dustbowl '93?” The audience cheered. The band went into _Junkhead_.

After _Junkhead_ , the crowd started chanting. Jerry tried to make it out. “What was that, Warrant? How about chanting for us? We aren’t Warrant.” The band went into _Angry Chair_.

After _Angry Chair_ , several members of the audience held up lighters. “Give them some fucking water,” Mike said laughing. “I hate lighters. Turn on those hoses.”

*************************

**_Vernon, New Jersey, July 14, 1993_ **

One of the producers decided it would be great to spend the day with the band at Action Park in Vernon. It was the largest water park in the world. It also had a reputation for being the most dangerous water park complete with lawsuits, accidents that were sometimes deadly, and had the unsavory nickname of ‘Traction Park’.

“Riki Rachtman here. Welcome to tonight’s _Headbanger’s Ball_. You’re probably wondering who this is. Well, tonight our guests are Duran Duran, here with us tonight. No, we’re actually here with Alice In Chains, who I guess are special outfitted if you look for the Action Park. We’re at the largest water park in the world. This is kind of our end of summer party.” Riki turned to Layne, “Explain your wardrobe, your motif?”

Layne, wearing a red ski cap with the tag still on it, sweatpants, sunglasses, nose plug, and carrying a twenty-dollar fly-reel, replied, “Well, we take a day at the water park very serious. We don’t mess around.”

“And look at this guy,” Riki said, gesturing to Sean. “He’s no stranger to danger.”

Sean, wearing a skull cap, eye goggles, nose plug, full-body swimsuit, and water wings, replied, “I’m not a strong swimmer.” The other three laughed.

“And Mike, you look pretty comfortable in your outfit right now?” Riki asked.

Mike, wearing a cowboy hat with his sunglasses perched on the brim, a pair of goggles on his face, what looked to be a yellow raincoat and a child’s life vest over it, replied, “It’s about two-hundred degrees and I lost about thirty pounds already and um –”

“I’m going to have to put that thing on next,” Riki commented.

“Hey,” Mike nodded.

Next to Mike, Jerry wore a pair of goggles, snorkel, and a blue speedo.

Riki turned to Jerry. “And any comments on your summer motif?” He was confused as to which end of the snorkel to hold the mic.

“I feel great!” Jerry said excitedly through the snorkel. The other three members laughed.

At the fish tank, Layne used his fly-rod to catch a fish and almost would have if it had a hook in it. Val, his personal bodyguard-slash-chaperone was a couple of feet behind him. Everyone was disappointed he didn’t get one.

“We’ve only been here for about fifteen minutes, I say. What are our odds of getting thrown out?” Riki asked.

“I think it’s pretty good,” Jerry nodded.

“Fishing in a place we’re not supposed to fish with a twenty-dollar fishing reel,” Riki commented.

After the rafting river ride, Layne ended up with about five inner tubes around him. Sean, Mike, and Riki tipped him over and rolled him into the water. One of the slides had a tendency to pull your pants down and give you an enema. The force of the final landing pulled Layne’s sweatpants down. Riki had to block the view of the camera until he pulled them up.

“You even got to see a little bit more of Layne Staley than you probably wanted to,” Riki laughed. “How do you feel, Layne? Doesn’t it clean out your system?”

“Uh, you need a good colon cleanse every once in a while,” Layne replied.

Layne, Jerry, Riki, and Sean tried the slide again only to have an argument break out over who won. Mike, who had control of MTV’s microphone, tried to break it up. Finally, Layne popped up at Jerry’s side and teased, “You’re outta here!” Jerry threw up his hands in an exaggerating motion and walked away.

Riki positioned Mike in front of the camera. “Here, be a VJ, tell them what video we’re going to play now.”

Mike read the teleprompter. “Lead to _Would?_ ”

Jerry shouldered in next to Layne. “We’re leading to _Would?_ We’re going to _Would?_ We’re going to play _Would?_ right now.”

At the tidal pool, while Riki was talking to the camera, Layne was using his fly-reel. He tossed the line out poolside and Jerry caught it, swimming backwards and splashing around as if he were a caught fish. Layne laughed as he reeled him in.

Riki glanced over and announced, “He caught a Jerry! He caught a Jerry!”

“Hey, give me a net!” Layne yelled. He leaned down and pulled Jerry out of the pool.

“We’re not having any fun, this is work right?” Riki asked.

“I just got hooked! What are you talking about?” Jerry replied.

Val tried the slide and not only did he get to the bottom, he slid across the mat and up the other side and back down again. When he stood up, Jerry and Mike, laughing, skidded over the wet mat to hug him.

“Does the slide with a six-story drop look scary?” Riki asked.

Jerry replied through the snorkel and it came out garbled. It was something about everything he owned was about fifty dollars.

“What he said was ‘Yeah, it looks scary’,” Riki interpreted. “Tell me, is there any preparations as we’re about to embark on the speed slide?”

“Yeah, Preparation H. I got it on right now,” Jerry replied.

“From what I understand when you hit the bottom of the water thing, it kind of cleans out your system,” Riki said.

“Well, you got to clench the butt muscles. It’s really important for that unless you want that variant enema which you _will_ get,” Jerry explained.

“Who’s going on this ride with us?” Riki asked. Layne fluttered the flippers on his feet.

Layne went down the speed slide. Sean and Mike watched him from the bridge above. “After that, we’ll be auditioning singers now,” Sean said.

“We just lost our singer,” Mike announced.

“After this commercial just write into MTV for a new singer for Alice In Chains,” Sean looked at the bottom. “Oh, uh, no. He’s up! He’s up! Look he’s moving and everything. Gotta love that man. He’s an animal,” Sean said.

“We just encountered the speed slide, found out what it feels like to go sixty miles an hour down seven storeys, and what did you think about the speed slide?”

“I’m feeling kind of juicy right now,” Jerry replied.

“It puts more, uh, fluids through your system,” Riki commented. Jerry laughed. “I’m trying to think of a nice way to say it. What would you say?”

“I say my fig is puckered right now,” Layne replied. Jerry laughed even more.

At the bottom of the river ride in the inner tubes, Layne made a hasty retreat before Riki got to a microphone and the camera. At the sumo wrestling jungle warrior challenge. Jerry knocked Riki down four times with _Sea_ _of Sorrow_ playing in the background.

“Could you tell a big difference having this guy in the studio now?” Riki asked.

“No, not really,” Layne laughed.

“I don’t want to be in this band and they won’t let me quit. These guys are crazy, man,” Mike added. “They’re holding my family hostage back in L.A.”

“You’re contractually obligated so stick with it, big guy,” Layne replied.

After the interviews were done and the MTV cameras had left, Sean, Mike, Layne, and Jerry were sitting around the patio table next to the pool. They exchanged their favorite parts of the day’s events. Mike and Sean were so caught up in the discussion they didn’t notice – or chose to ignore – Jerry getting up, walking behind Layne’s chair, caressing a hand along the back of his shoulders. Layne raised his hand and Jerry caught it, pulling him up. Layne quietly followed Jerry into the building, a quarter-full glass of beer in hand.

Layne finished the glass by the time they got to their assigned room. He set the glass down just as Jerry kissed him. “What was that for?”

“Because of the way you handled today,” Jerry replied.

“Val was there. I couldn’t very well sneak off and get a fix of anything,” Layne shrugged.

Jerry pulled the shirt over Layne’s head. He kissed and ran his hands over the exposed flesh. He led Layne over to the bed and opened his pants, letting them fall to the floor. He had Layne lay on his stomach on the bed as he retrieved the lube.

Jerry took his time stretching Layne open. He spread apart the round, firm cheeks, and then licked over the opening before pressing his tongue against the hole, teasing the flesh.

Layne moaned into the pillow as he felt Jerry’s fingers stretching his asshole and sometimes Jerry’s tongue would tease the sensitive area. Jerry spread more lube on his dick and then slowly kissed and licked up along Layne’s back until his dick nudged the cleft of Layne’s ass. Jerry sucked on Layne’s neck until Layne reached back and held Jerry by the neck, turning his head to kiss Jerry.

Jerry rubbed the crown of his dick along the cleft of Layne’s ass. Layne moaned as Jerry slowly pressed inside. Jerry moaned as the heat of Layne’s body surrounded his dick. He leaned over Layne, his long hair falling over Layne’s back as Jerry slowly pushed his dick through the incredibly tight ring and slid out again. He could hear Layne’s breathing and whimpers.

Jerry nipped at Layne’s neck until Layne turned and their lips met in a brief kiss. In between powerful thrusts, Jerry let out a string of whispered confessions about how much he loved Layne no matter what, whispered confessions of anxiety of maybe losing him one day. For some reason, be it the alcohol doing the talking or whatever else, knowing about the drawings and what Layne really thought of himself, a stream of unstoppable confessions just came out.

Layne tried to shush Jerry as they moved together, Layne thrust backward into Jerry as forcefully as Jerry was giving it to him. Layne groaned as he released first, white semen streaking the bed under him. Jerry felt Layne’s internal muscles squeeze around him and after a few more thrusts, released deep inside Layne. Jerry carefully pulled out of Layne. He went to the bathroom and returned with a washcloth to clean up both him and Layne.

Layne took the washcloth and set it aside. “Come here.” Jerry sat on the bed as Layne lay there looking up at him. “You want to tell me why that all of a sudden turned into a confessional?”

“I know about your drawings, the dark ones,” Jerry replied.

Layne eyed him suspiciously. “How do you know about those?”

“Johnny told me when we were in Portland,” Jerry said.

“Damn it!” Layne cursed.

“Don’t get mad at him. We’re all worried about you. You say you’re trying to kick the drugs cold turkey. But you just replaced the drugs with alcohol even after you told me how hard drinking is on you. Then, there was that time in Springfield when you left the stage in the middle of a song to get high in the bathroom. Tell me, honestly, how many times have you ducked Val to go find drugs?”

“I’m sorry about Springfield. But the whole reason I’m drinking is to subdue the cravings,” Layne said exasperated.

“What about Kat Bjelland?” Jerry asked.

“What about her?” Layne asked, confused.

“Was she your drug connection?” Jerry asked. “Before she went psycho on you, I mean.”

“We talked about drugs, maybe did some stuff. But I haven’t touched heroin. I swear,” Layne insisted as he turned over and sat back against the headboard. “It’s not as bad as Europe with Mark. You should know my singing by now to know when I’m strung out on heroin. What more do you want from me, Jer? Do you want me to turn my life upside down and go back to when I was fourteen and drinking? Or how about we go back further and change the part where I have a father who _wasn’t_ a fucking drug addict and only thought to come back into my life _after_ he saw me on a magazine cover and the first thing he did was get high with me. What do you want?”

Jerry straddled Layne’s lap and rested his forehead against Layne’s as he softly said, “I love you and just want you to be okay.”

“Love you, too. I’m okay. I know I’ve slipped up a few times. But, I really am trying here,” Layne said.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alice In Chains finishes the Lollapalooza 93 tour. They record Jar of Flies and head back on the road. Layne makes a confession to Jerry that leaves the guitarist scrambling for a way to work around it.

**_Detroit, Michigan, September 29, 1993_ **

Randy Biro got married during the Lollapalooza tour and Layne lent Randy and his wife his “sober” bus while the tour traveled from Orlando, Florida to New Orleans, where the wedding took place. Layne just hopped on the band’s tour bus for that leg of the trip.

When the tour hit Texas, Layne called up David Duet, a former acquaintance in the Seattle club scene who had moved to Texas. Layne told him he would be in town and gave him a list of drugs and alcohol to bring for him. David nearly jumped on the bus, excited to see Layne when Layne cut him off at the door. David later found out that it was Layne’s “sober” bus and that Layne’s stepfather and manager were there. David left before the bag of drugs could be confiscated and met up with Layne fifteen minutes later.

Layne had been very careful about keeping his drug use secret from the family. Layne’s family knew there was a problem, but Layne was very discreet about it towards his family.

Alice In Chains played the Santa Fe Dam in Irwindale, California on August 6. They had Foley from Arrested Development join them for _Them Bones_. Adam Jones from Tool joined them on _Rain When I Die_. Maynard James Keenan from Tool joined them for _Rooster_.

On August 7, the band’s second night at the Santa Fe Dam in Irwindale, California, Randy Castillo joined them on _Sickman_ and Larry LaLonde joined them on _Rooster_.

In September, the band went back to the studio to write and record an EP of new material. The whole process was quick. The album was written and recorded in the studio during a five day period and then mixed between September 17 and 22. The sessions for the seven-song EP that was to be titled, Jar of Flies, was a grueling around-the-clock affair with fourteen to eighteen-hour days.

Toby Wright got a call from Jerry who was still on the road touring. He asked Toby if he would work with them in the studio, but when Jerry showed up, there were no songs, just a few riffs that Jerry saved and recorded on Layne’s “sober” bus.

One of those songs had been in Jerry’s head since they were in Germany. The song was called _No Excuses_. Jerry wrote it about Layne’s battle to overcome his heroin addiction and how, even if they change and grow apart, Jerry would still love him anyway.

After the album was done, the band immediately went back out on the road. They played the State Theater in Detroit, Michigan on September 29 to a capacity crowd with Sweetwater and Tad opening for them.

The setlist started with a recording of a new song off Jar of Flies called _Nutshell_ , followed by _Dam That River_ , after which the curtain dropped to reveal a net in front of the stage – something they added on the second leg of the tour, _Them Bones_ , _We Die Young_ , _Junkhead_ , _God Smack_ , _Angry Chair_ , _Man in the Box_ , _Hate to Feel_ , _Bleed the Freak_ , _A Little Bitter_ , _Rain When I Die_ , with an encore of _Rooster_ and _Would?_

At the beginning of _Dam That River_ , Layne climbed the net to sing the song as he hung from it. When the curtain dropped it revealed Layne in a three-piece suit, his hair still in a near-buzz cut from Lollapalooza and wearing sunglasses. He sang a few lines and then climbed down to the stage. He went around to Mike’s side of the stage and then back to center stage during the guitar solo. 

Layne tossed his sunglasses on the drum riser during _Them Bones_.

At the beginning of _We Die Young_ , Layne went over to Jerry’s side of the stage and climbed on the stage monitor to sing. The stage hand pulled the net up out of the way as Layne moved to center stage and climbed on the monitor there. Apparently, the net wasn’t pulled up enough because Jerry was trying to play the riff _while_ fighting with the net _and_ the net was winning. After about three minutes, the net rose up out of the way even more.

After the song, Layne addressed the audience, “Good evening, Detroit!” The band went into _Junkhead_. During the solo, Layne took off the suit jacket, revealing an untucked shirt and tie.

After _Man in the Box_ , Layne removed his tie before putting on his guitar. He strummed a few chords with Jerry and then went into _Hate to Feel_.

Layne climbed all over the stage monitors during _Bleed the Freak_. By the end of the song, he had four buttons on his shirt undone. Mike played a bit of **_Mission_** ** _: Impossible_** on the bass.

“Well, thank you for letting us play our last U.S. show of the year here in Detroit,” Layne said. The crowd cheered. “This song’s called _A Little Bitter_.”

No matter what strain the drugs had put on their relationship, Layne’s singing voice still did something to Jerry’s libido and with his shirt unbuttoned down to his waist, the guitarist had to admit Layne looked damn good.

After _Rain When I Die_ , Layne walked off the stage with Jerry. As soon as they found a dark alcove, Jerry pulled Layne close. He could feel Layne’s body heat sear through his shirt. He pressed his body against Layne, trapping the singer between him and the wall.

“We still have an encore to do, babe,” Layne laughed lightly and then groaned when he felt Jerry’s thigh against his crotch. “I just as soon _not_ go out there with a raging hard-on.”

“You look so good right now,” Jerry breathed near his ear as he nuzzled Layne’s neck.

Layne buried one hand in Jerry’s hair, moving to kiss him. He slipped his tongue teasingly past Jerry’s lips, hearing the guitarist moan before pulling away with a smirk.

“Maybe we should finish the show before I get blamed again for another cancellation at the end of the show.”

Jerry smiled and grabbed Layne’s wrist pulling him back to the stage with him. The stage was still dark when Jerry dared to lean over and pressed a kiss to Layne’s cheekbone before letting go. Layne hit center stage just as Jerry struck the first chords of _Rooster_. The song was followed by _Would?_

After _Would?_ , Layne and Jerry walked off the stage leaving Mike and Sean to pick up all the clothes and left the stage.

Jerry and Layne couldn’t keep their hands off each other during the ride to the hotel. As soon as the door to their hotel room slammed shut, Layne found himself against a wall with Jerry on his knees in front of him. Layne kicked off his shoes as Jerry opened his pants and let them pool at his feet. Layne stepped out of his pants and kicked them out of the way.

Layne’s head fell back against the wall as the heat of Jerry’s mouth surrounded his dick. He closed his eyes and rocked his hips, moving in and out, Jerry’s tongue brushing along the length. Layne unbuttoned the rest of the shirt and let it hang open as his hands went to Jerry’s hair. As soon as he was hard as a rock, Jerry sucked up off him and stood up.

Layne climbed on Jerry, nuzzling his neck, sucking a bruise there as Jerry made his way to the bed and fell on the mattress. Layne released him long enough to get Jerry’s jeans off. Jerry reached for the singer, rolling Layne over on his back. Layne didn’t think anything of it when Jerry wanted the upper hand. It wasn’t until Jerry was inside him and torturously keeping him on the brink of release that Layne figured something was up.

“What’s wrong? I’m on the verge of orgasm here,” Layne pointed out. Jerry looked at him as if he were searching for the answers in his eyes. “Jerry? You with me?”

“You never answered me when I asked you if you had dodged Val to get drugs,” Jerry replied.

“The guy is huge and he’s always with me when I’m not with you,” Layne said.

“I know you better than anyone, babe. If you really wanted something you could get it. Tell me the truth. You’re not on anything tonight, but those last two concert dates for Lollapalooza, your voice was raw,” Jerry said.

“I had just been screaming those songs all summer. I can’t have an off night?” Layne challenged.

“I know how you take care of your voice and I know what it sounds like when you’ve snorted something before singing,” Jerry said.

Layne looked at Jerry, his blue eyes clear for the moment. “Yes. When we went through Texas I had David Duet meet me with a bag,” Layne confessed.

Jerry sighed as he rested his forehead on Layne’s shoulder and groaned, “ _Layne_.”

“I’m sorry. I only use what he gave me when the cravings get unbearable and that’s it. Being dope sick hurts, Jerry,” Layne said softly.

Jerry rolled over on his back taking Layne with him. He hugged the singer as hard as he dared while they moved with each other. His heart hurt knowing what Layne was going through. As much as he loved Layne and tried to show him every day, Jerry couldn’t do anything about _this_. This was one thing he couldn’t take care of. He couldn’t fix this. His only recourse was to look after Layne and hope they made it through this tour in one piece.

“It’s okay, Jerry,” Layne quietly assured him.

“No, it’s not. I’m worried about you and there’s nothing I can do about it,” Jerry said.

“Just help me get through this and I promise at the end of the tour I’ll try rehab again,” Layne said. “Maybe the eleventh time is the charm.”

Jerry pulled out of Layne, choosing instead to exchange handjobs. They stroked each other to release over Layne’s stomach. Jerry kissed Layne as he came over Layne’s stomach. They cleaned up and Jerry lay there staring at the ceiling long after Layne went to sleep. He spent the rest of the night wrapping his mind around a way to make sure Layne survived this tour.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alice In Chains in their second European Tour after the release of Jar of Flies. Jerry thinks Layne is too depressed.

**_London, England, October 5, 1993_ **

The band returned overseas for another European tour and their first tour of Australia and Japan. They started off in London, England with two shows at the Brixton Academy, supported by Clawfinger.

The setlist started with a recording of _Nutshell_ , followed by _A Little Bitter_ , _We Die Young_ , _Angry Chair_ , _Hate to Feel_ , _Dirt_ , _It Ain’t Like That_ , _What the Hell Have I_ , _Them Bones_ , _Dam That River_ , _Bleed the Freak_ , _God Smack_ , _Junkhead_ , with an encore of _Rooster_ , _Would?_ , _Rotten Apple_ , and _Sickman_.

The end of _Nutshell_ bled into _A Little Bitter_ as the curtain dropped to reveal a net in front of the stage. Layne had dyed his hair blue and wore sunglasses and a black leather jacket. He was trying to climb the net _as_ he held the microphone in one hand and sang. It took a minute to untangle himself from the net to go back to the mic stand.

Layne tossed his sunglasses on the drum riser as the net was raised at the beginning of _We Die Young_ and he perched on the stage monitor. He stood up and moved to Jerry’s side of the stage and climbed on the monitor. He went back to center stage and sang the chorus.

After the song, Layne greeted the audience, “Hello, London. Quite a few of you here.” He left the microphone, removed his jacket to reveal a button-up shirt, and put on his guitar for _Angry Chair_ and _Hate to Feel_.

After _Hate to Feel_ , Layne grabbed a towel and wiped the sweat off his face. As Jerry started the opening riff of _Dirt_ , Layne lit a cigarette. He turned to the mic just in time to do the opening harmony with Jerry’s guitar.

Layne set the cigarette in the ashtray on the drum riser at the start of _It Ain’t Like That_. He climbed all over the stage monitors through the song.

Mike went to the microphone and said, “We came a thousand miles to play for you guys and I don’t hear shit!” The crowd cheered. Then, Layne took the microphone and said, “This song’s called _Them Bones_.”

Layne unbuttoned his shirt all the way down as _Bleed the Freak_ started. He crouched down in front of the drum riser for the spoken verse. Jerry stood back by the Marshall stacks and watched him. When it got to the “ _Bleed for me_ ,” Jerry went to his microphone as Layne stood up.

At the end of _God Smack_ , Layne said, “What’s that, guvnah?” Jerry went into the riff for Black Sabbath’s _N.I.B._ for a few seconds before shifting into _Junkhead_.

After _Would?_ in the encore, Jerry said, “Well, we’re not ready to go home yet, are you?” The audience cheered. “We could play a couple more if you want. We’re going to do a song that we’ve never played live before. It’s called _Rotten Apple_. Check it out.”

After _Rotten Apple_ , they played _Sickman_ , thanked the crowd, and walked off the stage.

There seemed to be a dark cloud hanging over Layne. The last time Jerry saw him actually happy and freely joking around on stage was back before Lollapalooza in Irvine, California when the audience kept throwing shoes and watches at them. The second Susan Silver assigned a personal chaperone to Layne it was like all the life was slowly sucked out of him. 

Jerry wrapped an arm around Layne’s chest from behind as they walked. His hand was inside the open shirt. He felt Layne relax a bit when their skin touched. Jerry said softly, “You did so well tonight. I think you even hit some high notes in _Would?_ ”

“Thanks,” Layne said softly.

“Come on, babe. I’ve never judged you, nor have Mike and Sean. You can still be yourself around us. Remember back at the Music Bank when you used to watch **_Purple Rain_ **and _**The Terminator**_ on repeat? The four of us could hold up in the hotel tonight, see if we can find a channel that has a marathon or get Sean to find a video store and get them all and binge-watch them. Or we can sit in the room and just jam. Forget about Susan and you’ll be with us so Val won’t be there,” Jerry was running out of things to suggest. He just wanted to see the old Layne back, even if it was just a glimpse.

“Jerry!” Layne said exasperated, but he didn’t pull away. “I’m okay. I’ll find a way to deal with the cravings until we get back home in a month.”

“You haven’t had much fun since the Water Park,” Jerry pointed out.

“Who said I wasn’t having fun. Just wait until you get in bed tonight and find it short-sheeted,” Layne smirked.

“Wait . . . what?” Jerry smiled. “You short-sheeted the bed?”

“I guess you’ll find out when we get back to the hotel,” Layne said cryptically.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alice In Chains play The Ahoy in Rotterdam, The Netherlands and Layne is high as a kite which makes the concert entertaining but worries Jerry.

**_Rotterdam, The Netherlands, October 17, 1993_ **

With Clawfinger opening for them, Alice In Chains played the K. B. Hallen in Copenhagen, Denmark, on October 7, the Ericsson Globe Arena in Stockholm, Sweden on October 8, Huxleys Neue Welt in Berlin, Germany, on October 10. Terminal 1 in Munich, Germany on October 11. They played Hugenottenhalle in Neu Isenburg, a suburb of Frankfurt, Germany on October 13. After canceling the show the first time around for a decibel limit regulation, they went back and played Élysée Montmartre in Paris, France on October 15.

By the time the band got to Rotterdam, The Netherlands to play The Ahoy on October 17, Layne's hair was blonde again and he was flying high on something. Jerry couldn’t tell how or where he got the drugs, or even if Layne _was_ on more than one drug. Whatever it was, Layne was high as a kite. Jerry could see that from an outsider’s point of view, Layne’s current inebriated state could be entertaining if that person liked performance art and dinner theater with their music.

The setlist started with a recording of _Nutshell_ , followed by _A Little Bitter_ , _We Die Young_ , _Angry Chair_ , _Hate to Feel_ , _Dirt_ , _It Ain’t Like That_ , _What the Hell Have I_ , _Them Bones_ , _Dam That River_ , _Bleed the Freak_ , _God Smack_ , _Junkhead_ , and an encore of _Rooster_ and _Would?_ , and a second encore of _Rotten Apple_ and _Sickman_.

The curtain dropped at the first line of _A Little Bitter_ revealing the net in front of the stage. Layne climbed the net for about a foot off the ground and sang a few lines. He climbed down and just swung on the net as he sang. Jerry looked up to make sure Layne wasn’t about to fall off the stage and get tangled in the net as he was swinging on it.

At the beginning of _We Die Young_ , the stagehands pulled the net up out of the way. Instead of crawling on the stage monitor, he sat in front of them and leaned back, tilting his head back as he shouted more than sang the lyrics. When the guitar solo hit, he bounced up and moved center stage. Then he crawled over the stage monitor to sit in front of it and lean back against it as he sang.

After the song, he got up and Randy Biro helped put his guitar on. He slurred a greeting and laughed. “Just kidding. Rotterdam, how are you? You know what? I fucking _hate_ touring Europe. You know the only places I like in Europe? Rotterdam and Amsterdam. I’m feeling really good! Thanks a lot. And wow, I’m really stoned. And wow, I could really use a blow job. And _wow_ , you guys are doing good.” The band went into _Angry Chair_ , prompting Layne to put the microphone on the stand and play his guitar.

After the song, Jerry went over to Layne and asked, “What the hell are you on, because it’s not heroin. I’ve seen you on heroin.”

“I don’t know what they called it here. But, I’m beginning to think it’s mixed with the Spanish Fly, because I was serious about needing a blow job,” Layne replied.

“We’ll take care of your dick’s needs after the show. My only concern now is getting you through this show without you breaking any bones when you manage to screw around and fall off the fucking stage!” Jerry hissed irritated.

Since they were in front of the drum riser, Sean, who heard the whole conversation, spoke up, “Are we going to play this show or re-enact a homoerotic version of **_The Honeymooners_**?”

Layne’s expression turned into a pout. “Are you saying we’re not going to fuck?”

Jerry threw his head back and stared at the ceiling for a minute. “Layne! This is what I mean. It’s like the second we step foot in Europe you find a drug connection and then we’re right back to you being high as a fucking kite. Only this time you don’t know what the fuck you took! I did _not_ say we weren’t fucking **_later_**.”

“Do I really need to know your bedroom itinerary?” Sean asked from behind the drums. “I’d rather not think about which one of you is fucking who.”

Mike finally decided to see what the hold up was and came over. “Guys, what’s going on? We’re in the middle of the beginning of the show.”

“Jerry and Layne are bickering over sex,” Sean told him.

“Seriously?” Mike asked.

“No, we’ve established _we are fucking later_ and if I have anything to say about it there may be bondage with whips and chains involved –” Jerry said through gritted teeth, glaring at Layne.

“So, you saw those drawings too, huh?” Layne asked. “Those weren’t even the darkest pictures I drew.” Sean raised his brows and shook his head.

“We were discussing Layne being high as a fucking kite right now,” Jerry finished.

“I’m not the only one that’s high here. You’re high too. What the fuck are you on?” Layne asked.

“Apparently something that doesn’t have me feeling as good as you are right now,” Jerry shot back.

“Guys!” Mike said, trying to break up the bickering. “Hello, the show!”

Finally, the powwow broke up and Layne walked to the microphone as he rolled up the cuffs of his shirt. “Be patient. We’re going to play another song I just got to roll up my sleeve.” A few people yelled at him in the audience. “What?” Some more yelling from the audience. “I don’t understand Pekingese.” He turned to Jerry and tuned his guitar for a second and then went into _Hate to Feel_.

After the song, Layne said, “You know what?” He held up the fretboard of his guitar. The rest of it was gone. “I just broke my favorite guitar in the world.” The audience cheered. “So, I might as well give it away.” He walked to the edge of the stage and tossed it to the second row. He turned and went back to center stage and yelled, “FUCK!” into the microphone. Jerry went into _Dirt_.

Layne climbed onto the scaffolding and then on to the huge speaker on the side of the stage before he started singing. After a few lines, he used the net to climb down to the stage. He went to Jerry’s side of the stage and sat Indian-style next to the stage monitor. He finally got up and went to center stage and crouched on the stage monitor.

As _It Ain’t Like That_ started, Layne tried to sing and remove his shirt at the same time. He managed to get his arms out of the sleeves, but the shirt was still on his body. He actually lay down on Mike’s side of the stage, using a stage monitor as a backrest. After a few seconds, he got up and went center stage. He climbed over the stage monitor and sat Indian-style. He stood up and finished the song at center stage. 

At the beginning of _What the Hell Have I_ , Layne was multitasking by singing _while still trying_ to get the shirt over his head. It took him a whole four minutes and fourteen seconds from start to finish to finally pulling the shirt over his head and throwing it on the floor. He then proceeded to do a snake charmer dance because of the Middle Eastern vibe the song had.

At the beginning of _Them Bones_ , Jerry was doing some sort of slow intro thing and Layne mistook it for _Dam That River_ but quickly corrected himself as it turned into one long scream and then a short one. He climbed all over the stage monitors during the song.

Near the end of _Dam That River_ , Layne did a running stage dive into the audience. Luckily the crowd pushed him back toward the stage at the end of the song. Jerry had to pull him back on stage. Layne turned and told the people holding him up, “Bye,” before stepping on stage.

Layne was center stage by the time _Bleed the Freak_ started. So far, the way he acted during the song is probably the most normal he’d been all night thus far. Jerry didn’t know if Layne had just calmed down on his own or the drugs were wearing off. Other than the fact that he added a new ending to the song with a Steven Tyler scream and then moans and groans.

Layne screamed _God Smack_ ’s lyrics while walking from one side of the stage to the other.

What Layne did with _Junkhead_ could possibly be label as performance art. He screamed so much that at the end his speaking voice was hoarse as he said, “We’d really like to thank you so much.” He proceeded to grab a water bottle and his discarded clothes and followed his bandmates off the stage.

A couple of minutes later, Jerry came back out on stage. “How are you doing? This is a song about one of those good old country boys from the South. I’m sure you guys know about those with the magazines you got out here. This song’s called _Rooster_.”

Layne came out in a leather jacket and no shirt and a cigarette in hand just as the vocal part started. He went over to Jerry and sang the last verse and then went to climb on the stage monitor and Jerry stood directly behind him playing the riff. At the end harmony, Layne stood up and moved center stage next to Mike and actually side-hugged the bassist at the end.

Addressing the audience, Layne said, “We’d like to thank you so very much. We really would.” With that as an introduction, Mike started the bass line to _Would?_

Layne took off the leather jacket and tossed it at the drum riser and made it back to the microphone for the harmony. During the guitar solo, Layne was dancing all over. The audience finished the last line and Layne said, “Thank you very much.”

Mike said, “We got to go to Japan so we’ll see you next summer. Or hell, we’ll take all of you with us to Japan.”

The band left the stage but came back five minutes later for a second encore. Layne was back in the leather jacket.

“Okay, we’re going to do a new song from an album that’s coming out in January called Jar of Flies. This song’s called _Rotten Apple_ ,” Layne said. He smoked a cigarette as Jerry played the riff. Layne seemed calmer now as he sang and tracked Jerry’s movements around the stage. At the end of the song, Jerry was standing but bent at the waist nearly to the floor for the ending chords. No one could tell Layne that Jerry wasn’t high on something too, Jerry just handled it better.

After the song, the band went into _Sickman_. When it came time for the moans to turn in to a scream, Layne took so long that Sean wasn’t going to do the rolling drums until Layne got there. At the end of the song, Layne said, “Bye,” and walked off the stage.

After the show, Jerry hauled Layne out to the rental car. The singer flopped in the back seat. Jerry followed him into the car, maneuvering until Layne’s long legs were draped over his lap. Whatever drug Layne did before going on stage had him _really_ languidly comfortable. His singing style tonight was a complete one-eighty from his usual style. For all Jerry knew, Layne took Ecstasy before going on stage or something similar.

“Jerrrrriiieeee,” Layne said lazily. “Do you think when we fuck we can film it? Sean can run the camera –”

“No _Sean will not run the camera_ ,” Sean corrected from the front seat.

“Mike will then. That way we can see how hot we are,” Layne said. Mike looked bewildered at that. He _really_ did not want to witness his bandmates having sex firsthand.

“That’s the last thing you need added to your public image,” Jerry grumbled. “We are not making a porn tape.”

Once they got inside their hotel room, Layne lay on his back on the bed. Jerry retrieved two belts from their luggage and went to the bed. Dropping the belts on the bed, Jerry stripped down to his underwear and helped Layne take his pants off.

Jerry smirked as he grabbed the belts and tied Layne’s wrists to the bedposts. Layne was going to say something, but Jerry put a finger to his lips. Jerry straddled Layne’s hips, hovering over the singer on all fours. Jerry leaned down and nuzzled Layne’s neck, licking the flesh, sucking the skin into his mouth, and nibbling. He pulled back to admire his handiwork in creating a mark on Layne’s skin.

Jerry moved lower, kissing and licking down Layne’s chest, and licking over the flat, lightly muscled stomach. Layne strained against the belts, rolling his hips to get Jerry’s mouth where he wanted. Jerry pulled Layne’s boxers off, tossing them on the floor. Settling down between Layne’s thighs, Jerry resumed kissing the singer’s stomach, whispering sentiments against the taut skin.

Jerry caressed the inside of Layne’s thighs with both hands, feeling the singer’s muscles quiver at his touch. Jerry lay between Layne’s legs and massaged Layne’s balls with one hand and stroking the base of his dick with the other. Layne closed his eyes and moaned, straining against the belts. Jerry licked up the underside of Layne’s dick and around the crown.

“Jerry, please,” Layne moaned softly. “Suck me.”

Jerry looked up, stroking Layne’s dick, his long hair falling against the sensitive skin like a feather. “What if I want to keep you here on the brink forever, pushing you to the edge and backing off constantly?” Jerry kissed his abdomen above the pelvic bone.

“You’d torture me with an impending orgasm?” Layne asked, rolling his hips trying to get some movement on his dick.

“I want to keep you around for longer than you may want to be,” Jerry said softly.

Jerry sucked down the length suddenly, causing Layne to press his head back against the pillow. He groaned at the sensation of Jerry’s hot mouth around his dick. The only thing he could do is buck up into the wet heat.

“Fuck,” Layne cursed as Jerry massaged his balls while running his tongue along the length while he was sucking up and down.

Layne twisted his hands around in the bindings so he could grip the belt straps. If he weren’t restrained, he’d have fistfuls of the blonde hair currently blanketing his abdomen so that he could watch his dick slide in and out of that hot mouth.

Layne jerked on the restraints. “Come on, Jer. I need to cum!”

Jerry slowly sucked up off the length. He pulled his underwear off and crawled up Layne’s body until he straddled the singer’s hips. He used the lube that lay on the bedside table to prepare himself and then slowly slid down Layne’s dick.

“Fuck, Jerry,” Layne groaned, pulling against the belts as he bucked his hips up against Jerry.

Jerry leaned over him, his long blonde hair creating a curtain around them. He reached over and released one wrist from a belt and then the other. Finally free, Layne grabbed Jerry by the waist and rolled them both so that Jerry was under him. He buried a hand in the guitarist’s hair and tugged back until Jerry had to arch his neck as Layne nuzzled along the skin between ear and curve of the throat.

Jerry grunted and moaned as Layne seemed to pay him back for the prolonged teasing by thrusting hard and deep into him. With the way Layne was fucking him, Jerry could tell there was part of the old Layne buried in there somewhere under the layer of addiction.

“Thought you could keep me from cumming, hmm?” Layne teased. He slammed into Jerry until the guitarist released between them. He could feel blunt nails rake down his back. Layne waited until Jerry’s orgasm subsided and then thrust in fast and deep until his own release shuddered through him. Layne carefully pulled out of Jerry and used his boxers to clean them both up.

Layne settled beside Jerry and felt the guitarist’s eyes on him. He looked over and saw the worried look in Jerry’s eyes. “I’m okay, Jerry. We go to Japan next and then Australia and then home.”

Jerry was silent as he reached across the mattress to lace his fingers with Layne’s, squeezing lightly, the corner of his lips curving up when Layne squeezed back. Layne keeps saying he’s okay, and if that’s true . . . . for how long?


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alice In Chains finishes their tour in The Netherlands, Japan and Australia only to go home to a new set of problems.

**_Melbourne, Victoria, Australia, October 30, 1993_ **

The band was checking in to their hotel in the Roppongi district of Tokyo when Layne, his security guard, John, and Todd Shuss, another crew member, came running in. There was a forklift or tractor-type vehicle parked outside on the sidewalk with the keys in the ignition, so Layne decided to take it for a spin. Layne had started it up, drove down the sidewalk, and he tore a sign off a building. When the police showed up, Layne, John, and Todd took off. The police had come looking for what witnesses described as a tourist-looking white male who had ducked into the hotel.

The band played the Nakano Sun Plaza Hotel in Tokyo, Japan on October 21. They played Castle Hall in Osaka, Japan on October 23, where a girl in the audience was shouting “Reyng! Reyng!” Layne said, “I would like to introduce the band. I’m Reyng, this is Jelly, Sean, and Mike!” They played Club Quattro in Nagoya, Japan on October 24.

When the tour hit Australia, the itinerary was four or five shows in a row in different cities, which presented a logistical challenge. Australian shows ended at one o’clock in the morning. Lobby call to leave for the next city was at 6:00 A.M. After three or four shows, Layne was exhausted, and fatigue was beginning to affect his voice. The tour manager insisted the show had to go on. The band’s road manager, Kevan Wilkins, sat there and laid a guilt-trip on Layne. That’s when Layne’s hatred for Wilkins really kicked in. Wilkins would guilt-trip him with, “You’ve got to play the show. Think of all the kids that went out and bought tickets just to see you. Are you gonna deny them that?’”

So, Alice in Chains played shows at Brisbane Festival Hall in Brisbane, Queensland, Australia on October 27, Hordern Pavilion in Sydney, New South Wales, Australia on October 28, and two shows at the Festival Hall in Melbourne, Victoria, Australia on October 29 and 30. They canceled two shows in Perth, Australia, and Auckland, Australia.

The setlist started with the band performing an acoustic version of _Nutshell_ , followed by _Dam That River_ , _Them Bones_ , _It Ain’t Like That_ , _Man in the Box_ , _What the Hell Have I_ , _Bleed the Freak_ , _God Smack_ , _Junkhead_ , _Sickman_ , _Dirt_ , _Angry Chair_ , _Hate to Feel_ , _A Little Bitter_ , _We Die Young_ , and _Rooster_.

Someone had introduced Layne to Cabramatta’s finest heroin on top of the tour schedule which meant his voice was shot to hell. The longer the show went the more pissed off Sean became because of Layne’s performance issues and the sound problems.

The curtain fell at the beginning of _Dam That River_ revealing the net across the stage. Layne had sunglasses and wore a leather jacket.

After _We Die Young_ , Layne said, “Thanks, Melbourne.”

Sean finally had enough with the sound issues among other things. He kicked his drums until they were dismantled and falling off the drum riser and then left the stage angrily.

“Hey, do any of you know how to set up a drum kit?” Mike asked the audience. “Thanks for having us tonight. You guys are cool.”

The band left the stage and came back a few minutes later. “Well, we had a little technical difficulty, as you can see,” Jerry said. “But if you wait for a sec for us to get this back up we’ll definitely play some more songs for you. Be right back.”

“They don’t make drums like they used to I guess, huh?” Mike added. “What’s worse is he spilt all my beer. That sucks.”

“You know what we need here is a guitar solo or something like that. What do you think?” Jerry asked the audience. The crowd cheered. “Except I’m not going to do it.” He pointed out to the crowd. “So, who’s the fucking guitarist?” Someone in the crowd caught Jerry’s attention. “You can play?” He motioned to a security guard. “Get him up here.”

“You do realize if this guy sucks then the rest of us five thousand people get to beat the fuck out of him all right.” Mike said. “So, do good, bro. Do good. No pressure.”

The kid played a riff and Jerry took the guitar from him.

Layne, back to wearing the leather jacket, finally grabbed the mic. “Get that back on, man. You got a job. We can fire this fucker.”

“WOW!” Jerry smirked.

A second person came up that wasn’t too good. The third guy that came up, Jerry decided to do a stand-up comedy act with. They brought a couple more people up, one being a friend from Lollapalooza.

Jerry apologized to the crowd for the inconvenience. “We’re going to play one more song for you called _Rooster_.”

Jimmy DeGrasso from Suicidal Tendencies filled in on drums for Sean. Layne screwed up the end of the song, apologized, and walked off the stage.

At their last gig in Australia at The Palace Complex in Melbourne on November 2, Sean Kinney had been drinking all day and again Suicidal Tendencies drummer, Jimmy DeGrasso stepped up to help at the last minute and went through a whole show with them. Layne’s voice sounded better and even though Jimmy was good, it was an example of why Sean was crucial to Alice In Chains.

Before the encore of _Rooster_ and _Would?_ , Layne said, “Hey uh, can we get a big round of applause for a drummer who’s never played with us who filled in because ours is sick, Jimmy DeGrasso from Suicidal Tendencies. Motherfucker rocks.” Then, Jerry went into _Rooster_.

*************************

Once the band got home, a whole new set of issues arose.

Demri’s health went downhill around Thanksgiving of 1993. She told her mother she’d been having fevers in excess of a hundred degrees. Her mother told her the next time it happened, she should go to the hospital. The first of many hospitalizations happened shortly after.

Demri went into the hospital for the first time at the end of November of 1993.She was in until January of 1994. She got out only to be back there two months later and be put on life support. She bounced around from the medicine floor to the ICU and back. She had her lungs operated on twice. She had her heart operated on twice, which Layne had paid for.

On January 7, 1994, the band got together for a benefit show for Norwood Fisher of Fishbone at the Hollywood Palladium in Hollywood, California. The money raised from the show was used to fund Norwood’s defense in the case with his former band member Kendall Jones. Jerry decided it would be an acoustic set that featured the songs from the as-yet-unreleased album, Jar of Flies. The show included heavier acts, and when Alice In Chains came out, the audience expected heavier songs. When it was an acoustic set, the audience threw cups and ice on stage. After four songs which included _Am I Inside_ , _Brother_ , _Nutshell_ , and _No Excuses_ , Jerry decided to cut the set short.

Jar of Flies was released on January 14, 1994, debuting at the top of the Billboard chart. It was the first EP ever to reach number one. Soon after, Layne went to Minnesota to attend a rehab program. However the second he completed the program, he showed up at Mark Lanegan’s place fresh off the airplane. He’d put on a lot of weight and look healthy.

“Hey, bro, you got anything on you?” Layne asked the second Mark opened the door.

“Are you sure you want to do that, man? You’re finally clean, for real. Why do you want to start all over again?” Mark asked.

“All I thought about the whole time was getting out and getting high. I never wanted to quit,” Layne said. “I only did it to make everyone happy and shut them up.”

Layne cooked himself a shot in Mark’s kitchen. Mark heard him retch into the sink the instant he hit the vein. Then, Layne walked unsteadily out into the living room with a goofy smile, sat down on the couch, and nodded for hours. When he came out of it, Mark made him promise to not tell anyone he’d fallen off the wagon as his place. Mark didn’t want Layne’s bandmates, most of all, Jerry, to blame me for his relapse.

The final straw for Alice In Chains was when Layne showed up for practice high the day before the start of the Metallica tour. Sean threw down his sticks and vowed he would never play with Layne again, a sentiment shared by Jerry.

Jerry pulled Layne into a room and slammed the door. “You just got out of rehab and you’re still high. What the fuck happened?”

“I went to Minnesota, completed the course, all I could think of was getting high the whole time I was there. But, when I got off the plane here . . . I went to Mark’s and –”

“Lanegan!? You went to rehab, got clean, and went straight to Mark Lanegan? Are you insane?!” Jerry yelled. Anyone outside the room could hear the noise, but not the words.

“You said you would never judge me,” Layne shot back.

“I’m _not_ judging you. I never have. I just had to practically haul you through a near three-year tour so that you came out of it in one piece and you went right back to one of the sources of your fucking problem!” Jerry stared at the ceiling and counted to ten.

Layne stood there waiting for him to speak. Instead, Jerry backed him up against the opposite wall and trapped Layne there with his hands on the wall on either side of him. “Didn’t you even listen to the words I wrote in _No Excuses_? No matter what happens, I love you. You’re it for me. I have loved you since you took me in and gave me a place to live. You gave me guitars and gear and this band. I have loved you since we first played together and I heard my lyrics come out of your mouth. No. I have loved you since I first saw you at the Tacoma Little Theater when my first thought was: ‘ _that’s_ the guy I want to be in a band with.’ I love you but I can’t go through another tour like the last one. I cannot stand by and watch you go through another tour like that. Me, Sean, Mike, we all care too much to watch you die on the road. I don’t want Alice to be one of those bands that imploded on a tour. So no more extensive tours until we collectively get our act together. We’ll scale it back down to small gigs and short tour legs.”

“What about us?” Layne asked.

“What _about_ us? You’re my best friend, my partner in this band. I can’t do this without you. I _don’t want_ to do it without you. All I ever wanted was for you to get better. Until that happens, I’m telling Susan to cancel everything,” Jerry said. With that, Jerry wrapped Layne in a hug and pressed a kiss to his temple. Then he walked out of the room to tell Susan to cancel all of their summer tours. Layne was too important to risk his life on a long, drawn-out tour.

Susan Silver’s office sent out the following press release:

_“Alice In Chains has withdrawn from the Metallica summer tour, as well as an appearance at the Woodstock ’94 festival. This decision is due to health problems within the band. Alice In Chains apologizes to their fans and appreciates their support and concern. The band hopes to resolve the situation in privacy. The members look forward to returning to the recording studio in the fall.”_

Candlebox took their spot on the ’94 Metallica summer tour.

Alice In Chains took a hiatus for six months.


	21. PostScript

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A PostScript and Author's Thoughts

A PostScript of the author’s thoughts on the Metallica/AIC situation. JERRY was the one that was friends with the guys in Metallica. Layne wasn’t. Layne tolerated Metallica being in the front row at _MTV Unplugged_ in 1996 for Jerry’s sake. During that 1994 tour, James Hetfield made fun of Layne and the fact Alice In Chains couldn’t do extensive tours due to Layne’s addiction. Yet, when James asked for “understanding” when he went through rehab for being an alcoholic funny, he did _not_ extend that understanding to Layne when Layne was going through it. During the second or third KISS concert date in 1996, Layne _did_ make fun of Metallica for wearing mascara and all of which they were in 1996. Metallica says their Death Magnetic album started as a tribute to Layne and that _Shine_ was about Layne. If it was they did it for Jerry, not because they suddenly took a liking to Layne after he died. “Oh, but Lars named his kid Layne.” If he did, it was probably due to a guilty conscience for how Metallica treated Layne.

About this story, I wrote it, loosely based on some of the actual events that happened during the 1993 tour after I had seen a video of Alice In Chains Live at the Hollywood Rock in Brazil, the last night Mike Starr was in the band. I knew there had to be more to the story so I wrote one based on what I know and read of interviews and in the Untold Story and yes, even Mark Lanegan’s book. Even though I think Mark (and a lot of other people), while he may not have made Layne’s situation worse, they also didn’t help matters at all. Layne was never going to stop the drugs, even more so after Demri died, and with his teeth problems and health issues because of it, he gave up trying. I love Layne, but he did what he did. However, that does not absolve Mark and Demri’s role in his life and how they did more harm to him than good in respect to his situation.

I wrote this story with Layne and Jerry as an established pairing. I also wrote them as Layne being the top and Jerry the bottom (even though, physically, they switch often in the story), because I wanted it that way. Layne was so much more than his addiction. Layne was intelligent. He knew the guys Jerry was playing with were not a good match and gave him Sean’s number and through that got Mike Starr. He wrote and co-wrote a lot of AIC’s songs and all the songs he sang on Mad Season (apart from the John Lennon cover of I Don’t Wanna Be a Soldier). Layne was able to come up with lyrics, melodies, and harmonies off the top of his head. He drew the cover art to Mad Season’s Above album.

In certain bands, you can always tell which band members have _that connection_ : Plant/Page, Tyler/Perry. Layne/Jerry had that connection. Over the past few months of watching interviews and seeing them interact live on stage, there’s a connection that goes deeper than just Singer/Guitarist. Layne did so much for Jerry. Mostly, whatever Jerry asked of him Layne agreed to do and the times he didn’t automatically say yes, Jerry explained why he should reconsider agreeing to whatever it was.

I thought about staying in the early years of Alice In Chains next time. They were just so fun and cute together when blue asked for a flashback chapter. I don’t know if Layne and Jerry ever discussed everything. In my story, Layne and Jerry, having put the band together were like the adults that always discussed the day-to-day stuff. Layne asked something of Jerry or complained about something, and Jerry took care of it (when he could). Jerry asked Layne for something or mentioned something and Layne dropped what he was doing because it was Jerry who asked.

Sometimes I think I should write about the time Layne was in Mad Season knowing Jerry was jealous about it and what he’s said about finding out that Layne had done Mad Season. But Mark makes an appearance in Mad Season. My version of Jerry may take Mark’s head off when he sees him.

Depending on the comments and the reaction I get for this story, I may do another one. I wrote 1 one-shot from Layne’s POV and then this FIRST chapter story. Let me know what you think.


End file.
